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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Our Challenging Children (gifted, ADHD, sensitive, defiant)
amother
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 Sun, Aug 18 2024, 10:16 pm
Ever since my autistic daughter was born we have not gone anywhere (she is 4) a trip around the block is a nightmare how much more so a vacation . I feel like my other kids are all missing out and it isn’t fair . We want to attempt to go on a short road trip- any tips/tricks ideas?
Like we don’t even eat in a pizza shop because we can’t … but we have to
Any tips ?
Problem in the pizza shop is she runs around and takes food off of other tables . Would run out the door/ needs a constant shadow
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amother
Grape
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Sun, Aug 18 2024, 10:55 pm
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Is there anyone who could watch her for you so you didn’t have to bring her ?
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4321
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Sun, Aug 18 2024, 11:53 pm
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Or can you take someone along with you to take care of her. For the parts of the trip your daughter won't enjoy have them do something calming.
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amother
Strawberry
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Mon, Aug 19 2024, 12:00 am
Does she wear headphones when she goes out?
There is too much noise for them and they have sensory overload and it affects their behavior.
Could you take a shadow along?
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amother
Butterscotch
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Mon, Aug 19 2024, 4:40 pm
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Is she good in the car? Would you consider a safari?
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amother
Springgreen
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Mon, Aug 19 2024, 6:14 pm
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Cheiny
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Mon, Aug 19 2024, 6:20 pm
The lol is beyond inappropriate.
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lamplighter
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Mon, Aug 19 2024, 6:22 pm
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Can one spouse take the kids and the other stay home with the 4 yr old? And switch off?
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amother
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Mon, Aug 19 2024, 8:17 pm
Thanks for the responses!
I guess I have to accept the reality that we can’t do family trips or experiences. Till now we would switch off, but we never went out as a family. I can’t afford a shadow - we rarely get any respite .
For other families like ours- how have you helped your other kids accept the new reality ?
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4321
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Mon, Aug 19 2024, 8:27 pm
If she's 4, she's still young. I would strap her in a carriage with a five point harness and go for it.
You can think about settings where she is generally calmer.
If going into a pizza store is a nightmare, get the pizza and eat it in a big enclosed park, picnic style.
Children's museums are often accommodating of disabilities and noise so she won't be disturbing anyone. Keep her strapped in the carriage if you must and make some good memories with the rest of your kids.
If she enjoys sensory experiences maybe do something like the slime museum, or a place with ball/foam pits so she can enjoy that activity with one parent watching her, while everyone else has fun at the same time.
If loud noises disturb her get a good noise canceling headphone, if music calms her, have that prepared.
Expect her to get out of control part of the time, but hopefully you can enjoy the rest of the time.
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amother
Tan
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Mon, Aug 19 2024, 9:12 pm
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We have a very challenging kid, and my husband and I take turns supervising that child exclusively while the other parent takes care of the rest of the kids. For example, I’ll stay back in the hotel room with the child while dh takes the others night swimming. Or eat outside at the pizza shop with the child while dh is eating inside with the others.
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lamplighter
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Mon, Aug 19 2024, 9:40 pm
| amother Tan wrote: | | We have a very challenging kid, and my husband and I take turns supervising that child exclusively while the other parent takes care of the rest of the kids. For example, I’ll stay back in the hotel room with the child while dh takes the others night swimming. Or eat outside at the pizza shop with the child while dh is eating inside with the others. |
Yes this is how we do it, and we switch after a set amount of time.
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amother
Cornsilk
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Wed, Aug 21 2024, 9:55 pm
| amother Tan wrote: | | We have a very challenging kid, and my husband and I take turns supervising that child exclusively while the other parent takes care of the rest of the kids. For example, I’ll stay back in the hotel room with the child while dh takes the others night swimming. Or eat outside at the pizza shop with the child while dh is eating inside with the others. |
This is my life. I feel bad we can never do things as a family, but it’s what works best!
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amother
RosePink
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Wed, Aug 21 2024, 10:04 pm
I'm not going to address the practical part.
But your other kids are missing out. And it isn't fair. And even if you learn how to make the best of it, it still isn't fair.
You can acknowledge that to yourself, and to them. You didn't choose this and neither did they.
It's okay to admit to these feelings. It won't make them worse. It's simply the truth.
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amother
Azalea
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Wed, Aug 21 2024, 10:06 pm
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We don’t do a ton of family trips like we used to, but you can still take out your other kids. If we ever do take my autistic 3 year old with us, one of us (usually my husband) basically spends the time running after him. If you live in Lakewood there are organizations that provide free respite. We haven’t used them because right now it’s working for our family, but I would definitely look into that. So sorry for those of you who feel it’s hell. You really need more help.
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