Ami summer fiction contest

Tao

Sun, Aug 11 2024, 12:26 am

They explained the whole witness protection and undercover agent in charge of preotecting them this week. I'm usually great at reading between the lines and seeing the moral of the story, but this time I went "wow. I totally did not get that at all!"

↑ Amelia Bedelia

Sun, Aug 11 2024, 12:28 am

Tao wrote:

I wrote the entire response a few posts upthread. There was no more explanation than what I posted

amother

NeonBlue

Sun, Aug 11 2024, 12:44 am

momX4 wrote:

I agree. It was badly written. I'm surprised it was printed.

I loved this weeks story! Was really well written from an 8 year olds perspective how confused and forgotten she feels.

↑ chestnut

Sun, Aug 11 2024, 1:53 am

Amelia Bedelia wrote:

I feel like if the story needed to be explained this way, then it was missing some information.
Why would I think the mysterious neighbor was a federal agent and that the other neighbors were in witness protection?

Yeah, I don't like stories where there could be different endings or explanations.
I think the hint here might have been that the girl saw someone who looked like her neighbor when the feds or police were there after the fire.

amother

Magenta

Sun, Aug 11 2024, 1:55 am

amother NeonBlue wrote:

I loved this weeks story! Was really well written from an 8 year olds perspective how confused and forgotten she feels.

I also liked this week's story. My heart ached for the girl. I like that it wasn't a typical storyline of shidduch needs. Shalom basis issues etc.

the world's best mom ↓

Sun, Aug 11 2024, 8:05 am

Amelia Bedelia wrote:

Can you give a recap?

Oh... Nm, that was this week's story. You quoted the comment about last week's .

What was last week's?

A semi detached house. A woman named Yael lives on one side with her older single daughter. A new family moves in on the other side. The mother of the family, Bracha, was in the same class as the older single, but she is married with 4 kids. So every day, Yael complains to Bracha that her kids make noise and don't let them sleep and leave toys in the yard. Then someone redts a shidduch for Yael's dd and the boy's side says no. Yael suspects Bracha had badmouthed her, but really Bracha had suggested the shidduch. It was Yael's friend who was asked if Yael is easygoing so she told them no.

I did not like the story. Yael sounds like a witch. Nobody treats new neighbors as poorly as she did, and then she's surprised to be called not easygoing.

↑ the world's best mom

Sun, Aug 11 2024, 8:06 am

chestnut wrote:

Same with this week's story. What was wrong with the boy and why did the girl know nothing about it if he was on verge of death?

Lemonade 2323

Sun, Aug 11 2024, 8:21 am

the world's best mom wrote:

Same with this week's story. What was wrong with the boy and why did the girl know nothing about it if he was on verge of death?

This week's story is a little different. In the skate-board guy story it's not obvious at all that it's witness protection, but this weeks it's more obvious what's going on. It's written from the perspective of an 8 year old.

amother

cornflower ↓

Sun, Aug 11 2024, 11:02 am

momX4 wrote:

I agree. It was badly written. I'm surprised it was printed.

Agree, and I thought it was my tired mind not understanding. I read it again and I still did not get it very very poorly written.

Ihatepotatoes

Mon, Aug 12 2024, 12:50 am

But I feel like it was written from the perspective of a 5 year old, not an eight year old.

8 year olds don't think " my morah says I'm a big girl, why is my aunt now saying I'm little?" Every eight year old I know has more perspective than that

↑ tigerwife

Mon, Aug 12 2024, 12:54 am

the world's best mom wrote:

Same with this week's story. What was wrong with the boy and why did the girl know nothing about it if he was on verge of death?

She mentioned the cabbage patch dolls and etch-a-sketch to show that the story was set in the 80s, when it was more common to shield children psychologically.

Peersupport

Mon, Aug 12 2024, 2:13 am

amother Phlox wrote:

Really didn't like this week's story. Felt it was written poorly and hard to understand. I understood it as the brother was sick and died.

It seemed to me like depression and suicide.

But maybe just because I deal with those cases on a daily basis.

amother

↑ cornflower ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:14 pm

amother Crocus wrote:

Loved this week's!

About the girl who made her own shidduch. Was a great twist, wasn't expecting that ending!!

Same. But when I reread it you can see it says in the beginning shes pretending to be the shadchen.

amother

↑ Crocus

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:22 pm

amother cornflower wrote:

Same. But when I reread it you can see it says in the beginning shes pretending to be the shadchen.

Yes the story is clear that she's a shadchan (or a wannabe one lol), but the twist is at the end that she made her own shidduch!

amother

↑ cornflower ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:24 pm

amother Crocus wrote:

Yes the story is clear that she's a shadchan (or a wannabe one lol), but the twist is at the end that she made her own shidduch!

Right.
I loved last weeks story.
I wonder what this weeks is gonna be.

Some were so terribly written and some were so amazing.

amother

↑ Firebrick

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 8:45 pm

amother cornflower wrote:

Right.
I loved last weeks story.
I wonder what this weeks is gonna be.

Some were so terribly written and some were so amazing.

this week is excellent