God, please don't listen to me

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 6:50 am

God, please don't listen
To the thoughts raging in my mind
Please, dear God, don't hear me
When my worries turn me blind

Please don't listen to my thoughts
When they seem less than flattering
Don't pay attention when it seems
My emunah may be shattering

You, Knower of all thoughts
Just don't listen to my doubt
For you know what's deeper still
Before even thought comes about

Therein is your daughter, trying to stay true
Even while pain taints her glasses
So please God, don't you listen
And hold my hand until it passes.

(Written in my mind from start to finish, while lying in bed amidst it all)

amother

Strawberry

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 7:27 am

Beautiful!

It bought this to mind

Please Hashem listen to me.
Take all my rebellious thoughts, hateful ones, despair and anger.
Listen to them
Take them in
And love me anyway.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Aug 21 2024, 10:08 am

amother Dill wrote:

Hugs. Remember, you are not your thoughts.

Thanks everyone for your kind words. Especially for this timely reminder.

amother

↑ OP

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 3:02 pm

amother Oleander wrote:

Gave me chills! Really resonates with me. Thanks for sharing!

I was hoping for just this, that others will relate. This journey feels so lonely Sad

. Thanks for your feedback

amother

Bergamot

Thu, Aug 22 2024, 3:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

I was hoping for just this, that others will relate. This journey feels so lonely Sad

. Thanks for your feedback

I read something which I found very comforting, I'll share, hope you will find comfort too.

Suffering from PPD, I read a book called 'Waves of Blue'. The author writes how her feelings of guilt paralized her. She has thoughts of harming her baby, throwing him down the stairs and worse.

She was terrified that Hashem would punish her for these thoughts, after all, shouldn't she be grateful for her healthy baby.

She finally saw a Rav who told her that thoughts are just that, thoughts.

He told her that sh didn't invite them in, she didn't chose them, and most importantly, she didn't act on them.

Eventually she was diagnosed with (IIRC) PP ocd. She did get well, with therapy, medication and more, but this was the turning point. Once she let go of the guilt of these thoughts she was able to move forward.