What would you do | Imamother

amother

OP ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 12:49 pm

I was yesterday contacted on WhatsApp by someone I didn't know. She told me an aquaintance of mine ( who I hadn't been in touch with for ages) had given her my number. This lady who messaged me has children who are coming to where I live for a couple of days and she wanted to have some information on where to get kosher food and whether it is safe for Jews here- basic stuff. As we talked, she mentioned casually her children have yet to figure out where to stay for Shabos and asked if I minded having them. This is not sth I would ask of a total stranger but assuming she is my acquaintance's friend and being that I love guests and meeting new people I was happy to say yes Id love to, I just need to confirm with my husband we do not have plans for the day. Then I had second thoughts and decided I would contact my acquaintance to have her confirm she knows the people and they are safe to have around. Turns out she doesn't know them at all. Apparently, this lady had asked on a FB group if anyone knows someone where I live to ask questions about kosher stores and the like, and my acquaintance gave her my number ( without first asking me, but she has apologised for that).
Now what do I do? I do not feel comfortable hosting people from the Internet I know nothing about.On the other handI do not want to hurt someone' s feelings by openly showing distrust they might not deserve. And I do not want to deny a fellow Jew the help they need and I am able to provide.
I appreciate your ideas.

amother

Papayawhip ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 12:53 pm

You need to be comfortable first.
Helping others at the expense of your own peace of mind and comfort is not a mitzvah.
I'd tell her it doesn't look like that week will work out for you.
If you're feeling especially daring, I'd ask her where she knows your acquaintance from...

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 12:56 pm

That's what I thought I would do( meaning finding an excuse), but then the next question would obviously be if I know someone who could. Then what? I won' t refer someone I dont know to my friends and it will look weird if I just say I do not know anyone

watergirl ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 1:00 pm

She lied to you by telling you she is friends with the person who provided your information. I would not trust her enough to host her and honestly I'd block her on whatsapp so she can't message you again as shabbos gets closer and her kids still need a place to stay.

I would just say it wont work out after all, so sorry. Then block. Don't worry about hurting her feelings - once she lied, she lost the right to have feelings kept in mind.

groovy1224

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 1:03 pm

watergirl wrote:

To be fair it doesn't' seem that this woman said she was friends with OP's acquaintance..she just said that that's where she got OP's number from.

OP I would tell them something came up and you can't host them. If she asks you if you know anyone else who could host, tell her that you'll ask around but that it might be a hard sell if they're complete strangers.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 1:06 pm

groovy1224 wrote:

This.
She just mentioned, she got my number from XX, no lying.
Thank you. I like your idea, I think I will do just that.

penguin

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 1:10 pm

If you want to go above & beyond, you could ask for some references, because usually among from people there are not more than 3 degrees of separation, meaning you'll know s/o who knows them or at least s/o who knows s/o who knows them. (As an experiences shadchanit, I can almost always find some mutual point if reference).

You certainly don't have to, but you could tell her you wouldn't host strangers without a personal reference, and with a little mishopachology, you might be surprised.

↑ watergirl ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 1:16 pm

amother OP wrote:

This.
She just mentioned, she got my number from XX, no lying.
Thank you. I like your idea, I think I will do just that.

Oh ok I reread your OP and see you said you just assumed she was friends with the acquaintance.

I would still just say you cant.

rmbg

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 1:19 pm

AlwaysCleaning wrote:

"so sorry, I spoke with my husband and we're not comfortable hosting guests we don't know. I'm happy to give you the local chabad numbers, maybe they can help"

Youre kidding right?? Chabad should host these strangers? They can google hotels and airbnbs.

↑ watergirl

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 1:22 pm

AlwaysCleaning wrote:

"so sorry, I spoke with my husband and we're not comfortable hosting guests we don't know. I'm happy to give you the local chabad numbers, maybe they can help"

I mean, she can google chabad on her own and does not need OP to even make the suggestion.

It's Tuesday, she has plenty of time to make plans for her kids for shabbos.

amother

Oatmeal

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 1:22 pm

Is there a shul nearby that hosts a day time kiddush?
I would just say
I’m sorry it won’t work
But the takeout places have Shabbos food.
If they ask if you know someone else, let them know you don’t feel comfortable recommending strangers
She’ll realize that’s why it won’t work by you as well

Molly Weasley ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 1:26 pm

I’m feeling conflicted about this. On one hand, I understand your hesitancy, but on the other hand, I wonder about the importance of emulating Avraham Avenu.

What does the mitzvah of hachnasas orchim truly entail? Is it solely about hosting family, friends, and acquaintances?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 1:29 pm

watergirl wrote:

I mean, she can google chabad on her own and does not need OP to even make the suggestion.

It's Tuesday, she has plenty of time to make plans for her kids for shabbos.

It' not even going to be this comi g Shabos, they still have a couple of weeks to go

dreamer24

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 1:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

Is there a hospitality committee in your area maybe through a shul or something ? If so refer them to that.

amother

↑ Papayawhip ↓

Tue, Aug 20 2024, 1:31 pm

Molly Weasley wrote:

Staying safe is also a mitzvah. Do you let anyone into your home just because?
I don't only host people I know, so long as I know of them or I'm familiar with someone who knows them. Frankly, It's never a good idea to allow complete strangers into your home.