So badly want to go where will we fit in?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 10:39 am

amother Tealblue wrote:

Just to put out a perspective that helped us before we moved last year. Our older kids (preteen and young teen) were more successful than our younger kids. We were told in some places this advice about older kids is outdated. We chose RBS for the soft landing. My kid’s classes were between 30 and 50% Anglo. If you do choose a community it merits speaking to recent Olim

Thanks for that. I really wish we can have the same experience I’d love to move and sounds like RBS might be good for us

↑ amother85

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 10:40 am

Also, OP, I just want to say that I SO feel this and am in not such a different situation (though my kids are slightly younger and I think we lean more torani/rwmo, neither of us is FFB and no hassidishe background). I’m also almost ready to up and go and my DH is less enthusiastic, mostly because things are stable-ish here with our jobs/friends/parents/kids in school/community that we love. It’s so incredibly hard but I keep reminding myself that it will be a difficult transition and we need to make sure we are on the same page to survive it. We do have good friends who are planning to move in the next 1-3 years and several other sets of good friends who see it happening either within the next 5 years or when their kids are done school. I personally think for us it will end up being before that IYH and ideally in ~ 3 years. I just have to keep doing my hishtadlus and starting to get things lined up (planning for how to transfer my professional skills, learning hebrew, cluttering my house) and davening a lot for clarity 🙂

↑ someone

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 10:46 am

amother OP wrote:

I definitely was one of those people you offended. So now because I’m showing I want to go it’s ok, but when I didn’t share my whole thought process you didn’t accept?

I really don't want to get back into this, but I will just say again that I had no intention of offending you or anyone else and I apologize (again) if I did so. I also didn't pass any judgment about anyone who does or doesn't make aliyah or their reasons for doing or not doing so. I definitely didn't call anyone's reasons sickening or stupid or anything else. I brought sources that show the approach that my rabbis follow in answer to questions people asked. That's all. I didn't and wouldn't comment on anyone's individual decision, it's none of my business.

↑ Reality ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 10:46 am

amother OP wrote:

I definitely was one of those people you offended. So now because I’m showing I want to go it’s ok, but when I didn’t share my whole thought process you didn’t accept?

What you are doing on this thread is really not cool. Is this a new thread or your opportunity to rehash an old thread that was locked? People are trying to be nice to you under their screenname and you are attacking them while posting amother.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 10:48 am

Reality wrote:

Sorry I’m not attacking and I had no intention of the thread to go this way. People actually mentioned that maybe it’s not a good time to go and I was shocked to hear that on imamother that’s all. I really don’t want the thread to go in the same direction as the other Aliyah threads.
This is really about places to live and I’m anon because I have my kids ages and some background and it’s not public knowledge that I’m looking.

amother

↑ Blue ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 10:52 am

amother OP wrote:

It’s really a no-brainer that you can’t move if your dh is not on board and you are not secretly plotting to divorce him. No Zionist in their right mind would recommend that to you.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 10:54 am

amother Blue wrote:

It’s really a no-brainer that you can’t move if your dh is not on board and you are not secretly plotting to divorce him. No Zionist in their right mind would recommend that to you.

Ok but as I said above I was hoping that if I have a place that seems really solid for us he may be more likely to consider it

↑ Reality ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 10:54 am

amother OP wrote:

Understood.

I will pass on the sage advice from our first NbN meeting when we were totally clueless and directionless. Our advisors first question was how long has it been since you've been to Israel? Our answer was years. He said go on a family trip and scope it out. We were saving up for that trip when covid hit and we never ended up going.

I still think it's good advice. Instead of making a bar or bat mitzvah party, use the money to go to Israel and reawaken the dormant love for our beautiful land that is inside all of us!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 10:55 am

amother Blue wrote:

It’s really a no-brainer that you can’t move if your dh is not on board and you are not secretly plotting to divorce him. No Zionist in their right mind would recommend that to you.

Actually that has been recommended before on this site, but I’m not going there on this thread

amother

Mintgreen ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:00 am

amother OP wrote:

DH has no desire to leave and move to E”Y.
I have a burning desire.
We have a new business we just started and lots of debt from living life, but I’m not letting the financials worry me.

My concern is more where will we go and where will my kids fit in. We definitely need very Anglo, but I don’t want Ramat Bet Shemesh, I just think it’s too big.
Also ideally I’d love to be in yerushalayim although I know what is highly improbable financially and otherwise.
My kids are used to a house (not huge but just a normal size house), so we need a 4 bedroom ideally. Is this even feasible?

Also, we are middle of the road, if we have to say, lean more to the right, but we watch kosher movies, DH wears colored shirts (although he may be willing to change that), I don’t demand knee socks before BAS mitzvah. DH has chassidish roots so we’d need a shteibel too, but we aren’t chassidish, aren’t looking for any of the restrictions or being bound to a rebbe. Just a nice heimishe chassidishe davening

Any recommendations as to where we’d fit in?

What you said about the size home you need, it's hard to say. People here in Israel manage with alot less then they are used to and it really feels bigger. I have no idea how many kids you have and for what you feel you need a 4 room for (btw in Israel the number of rooms included the dining room, play room etc. Basically all the rooms that's not a kitchen is part of the number of rooms)
Yerusholayim is the dream, but financially is really hard...
It sounds like you need to find a place with klal chasidi schools and shtebelech.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:05 am

amother Mintgreen wrote:

Hi thanks can you clarify what klal chasidi schools are ? It doesn’t sound like what we want, kids go to to typical out of town Bais Yaakov

notshanarishona ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:08 am

A 4 bedroom apartment in Yerushalyim would probably cost a few million dollars or at least 10000 nis a month in rent depending on location.
Aliyah is definitely a huge move, and is going to be a big change. It’s kind of like having a baby, can’t be done unless both parents are on board.

amother

↑ Mintgreen ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:08 am

amother OP wrote:

Hi thanks can you clarify what klal chasidi schools are ? It doesn’t sound like what we want, kids go to to typical out of town Bais Yaakov

Ahh to me it sounded like you were a little chassidish. Klal chasidi is basically chassidish schools but not a specific chassidish.
Do you want a place that's very chutznik or you don't mind integrating into Israeli. Bec kiryat sefa, beita the place are more litvish/beis yakkov type.

↑ notshanarishona ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:18 am

No one should be making any kind of life decisions based on recommendations of anonymous or not anonymous mothers. Aliyah is such a personal decision, only someone who knows you and your family and all factors (including shalom bayis, finances, your kids / chinuch options) can say if it’s the right choice.
Meanwhile if you want to move a good idea would be to start putting $ in savings, plan to have at least 6 months of living expenses plus $ for a lift or all new furniture, etc .
Preteens is a very tricky age unless you move into an Anglo bubble like RBS.

amother

↑ Mintgreen

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:20 am

notshanarishona wrote:

You saying not to give opinions and then continue to give very specific instructions of what she needs to do! Banging head

↑ notshanarishona

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 11:28 am

amother Mintgreen wrote:

You saying not to give opinions and then continue to give very specific instructions of what she needs to do! Banging head

I am saying things that need to be done before finalizing a decision. Deciding on a city doesn’t come before being on the same page about moving. If one doesn’t have the $ to move then deciding on a city is premature. If one kid needs a specific type of school or needs to learn in English that might make the decision for her.

And I am not telling her yay or nay to move. That’s not my place at all. I am just saying moving while in debt with no financial plan is very unwise in my opinion.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 12:01 pm

amother Mintgreen wrote:

Don’t know what Chutznik means. No not Litvish, jpf.
This is also why it feels so hard to move because we fit in so perfectly in our current community

amother

Dodgerblue

Tue, Aug 06 2024, 12:42 pm

OP sending you the Binah to know what is the correct way to move along with this. If your DH is really against coming to Israel, as others said it might be a nonstarter. You need to be on the same wavelength as a move like this needs 2 parents with Shalom Bayis. You need each other. maybe plan and prepare but If the Husband is against it, There is nothing to speak about.
When you do come, Find a community. RBS might be large but there are many Rabbi's and Shuls with different ''tastes''. You need your community to be able to ask questions, feel welcomed in shul, enjoy going to the Shabbat Kiddush and having people speak with you. You will feel welcomed when you are in a Shul with a Rav who knows your names and your Children's names. Extremely important. You might not find that in Jerusalem unless you are part of a shul.
If you can, come on a trip and show your Husband what it is you so badly want.