Teens spending their own money on extravagant purchases

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Forum -> Parenting our children -> Teenagers and Older children

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amother

OP ↓

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 2:24 pm

My daughter came home from camp wanting some very high end clothing. I get it, and I don’t mind getting her these things when I can make it happen. I bought her two lululemon sweatshirts for camp - one was a chanuka present and one was purchased using a store credit I had. I also bought her other expensive items. But when does it get too much? She generally doesn’t spend her money frivolously, but that might be because I buy her everything. So she has a few thousand saved up from babysitting and wants to spend some of that money on what I consider a ridiculous purchase. We told her we think it makes no sense but that it’s her money and she can spend it how she likes. She went back and forth and eventually decided to buy it. Never mind that all the girls in her camp all had this ridiculously overpriced designer which I can’t wrap my mind around, even though I’m a spender. I don’t feel guilty asking her to use her money on this, but I’m curious how others handle their teens using their own money for overpriced purchases.

amother

Nemesia ↓

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 2:30 pm

What do you consider overpriced? What is the item?

I think it makes a difference. I think wasting her money on this can actually be a good lesson for her in the future to weigh carefully if this trend is worth it.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 2:33 pm

amother Nemesia wrote:

Pajamas that cost a few hundred dollars 🙈 I’m actually embarrassed to write it, so please don’t give me flak!

my5kids

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 2:36 pm

I tell my kids that I will give them X towards things they need (clothing, etc. - what I would normally spend). Some have searched online for deals, others have used their own money to supplement so they can get what they ant. It is important for teens to feel like they fit in but they need to have s realistic idea of what things cost. Sometimes after doing their own research, my kids have decided it was not worth the extra money.

amother

Tangerine

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 2:41 pm

I think you handled it well. I do similar. I buy things I can afford once in a while as splurge that they want and if they want more, they can use their own money. Sometimes they waste money and sometimes they think twice before buying something. It’s part of growing up and navigating social pressures with the understanding of how much things cost by having to work hard for it.

chestnut

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 2:46 pm

amother OP wrote:

Pajamas that cost a few hundred dollars 🙈 I’m actually embarrassed to write it, so please don’t give me flak!

What a waste lol
But if they insist and will use their money, sure, let them

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 2:52 pm

Ok you’re all making me feel better. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to let her do this, but it is her money! And like I said I’m a spender, but to me this is just over the top. I guess this is what’s important to her!

Chayalle ↓

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 3:05 pm

I'll be the dissenter and say that's terrible chinuch. However it's all relative, and if you are a spender yourself, as you say, then why should she be any different? Chinuch starts with you.
We value simplicity as much as possible. My teen might not be holding there, so we let her make certain choices on spending, but pj's for several hundred dollars would be over-the-top.
We try to teach her to save. IYH when she graduates high school she hopes to purchase her own car. Things like that that she knows she'll IYH need, in order to get around to a job (I don't plan on chauffeuring her) that she's saving for.

amother

Glitter

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 3:13 pm

But now that camp is over, who is going to see her expensive pjs?
So curious what brand they are.

amother

Crystal ↓

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 3:15 pm

Looking back from the wisdom of age Very Happy

yes of course it's a ridiculous purchase.

On the other hand, it is her money and in my wild youth (and even in adulthood) I made some unwise purchases which have amounted to way more than a few hundred dollars.

So no I don't think there is anything to be gained by policing a teenager's use of money that is their money.

These are $200 at Anthropologie

Cookin4days

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 3:16 pm

Please link in beyond curious, I would call myself a spender but my pajamas are all at most 40 bucks for a cute set

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 3:17 pm

amother Glitter wrote:

But now that camp is over, who is going to see her expensive pjs?
So curious what brand they are.

Agreed!! But she got it into her head… and I guess she does have lots of sleepovers with friends.
The brand is Aviator Nation.

amother

↑ Nemesia

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 3:18 pm

amother OP wrote:

Pajamas that cost a few hundred dollars 🙈 I’m actually embarrassed to write it, so please don’t give me flak!

Wow that is a waste of money. Does she have sleepovers often that it makes a difference?

Hashem_Yaazor

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 3:18 pm

We didn't get to that level but when I've had teen desires that seemed beyond the realm of a little to fit in, I didn't allow money already earned to be used. I said they had to start earning specifically for that purchase and when they made that effort, and collected that money, only then can we look into having them buy it.

Amarante

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 3:20 pm

amother OP wrote:

Agreed!! But she got it into her head… and I guess she does have lots of sleepovers with friends.
The brand is Aviator Nation.

I don't see pajamas at that site - maybe I am missing them - I see leisure wear that is expensive which could be used as pajamas - e.g. jogging sweat pants.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 3:21 pm

Amarante wrote:

I don't see pajamas at that site - maybe I am missing them - I see leisure wear that is expensive which could be used as pajamas - e.g. jogging sweat pants.

Right, sweatshirts with matching sweatpants that the girls in camp all used as pajamas. She said she will wear the sweatshirt not only as pajamas, but even that’s over the top imo.

sequoia

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 3:21 pm

amother OP wrote:

Agreed!! But she got it into her head… and I guess she does have lots of sleepovers with friends.
The brand is Aviator Nation.

The unisx plaid ones for $350?

65% Polyester / 35% Acrylic / 2% Spandex

Oy….

causemommysaid

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 3:23 pm

What a shame to spend it on such ugly loungewear.

Oh well, teens do dumb things. Live and learn.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 3:26 pm

Chayalle wrote:

Chayalle, I’m a long time fan of yours and was excited to see a response from you. Although it felt a little harsh. My life hasn’t been easy and perhaps I spend as a coping skill. Still, I’ve always taught my children responsible spending and they never ask for expensive items from me. In fact my daughter didn’t dream of asking me to buy this or anything remotely like it. She’s always so appreciative of every small thing I get her. This is something she wanted to spend her own money on. She feels she worked hard for the money (babysitting crying kids and changing dirty diapers) and this is important to her. She’s too young to start thinking about really important things like buying a car. I’m guessing our girls are part of very different crowds. I still value your opinion, and I understand your point, but I think if I deprive her something all her friends have and don’t allow her to spend a small percentage of her hard earned money as she would like, she will only be resentful. And I don’t see anything good coming out of that.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Aug 04 2024, 3:27 pm

causemommysaid wrote:

What a shame to spend it on such ugly loungewear.

Oh well, teens do dumb things. Live and learn.

I know, that’s the worst part, they’re so ugly!

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