What type of chinuch are you giving?

amother

OP ↓

Fri, Aug 02 2024, 10:19 am

My kids go to a school that requires the girls to wear tights from nursery/age 4. In our family, we wear socks till 6-7. So in the summer when there's no school, my girls like to wear socks & I don't make anything of it. My neighbor keeps questioning me "what type of chinuch are you giving your kids?" I tried explaining that my kids know that school are for school, like uniform is for school. It's for a certain uniform look & not necessarily for tzenuis. And at home we don't have to wear what we wear to school. I told my neighbor that it's just like the rule that kids can't wear white sneakers to school in the older grades, but all girls (including hers) wear white sneakers throughout the summer when there's no school. But she doesn't get it, she's still harping in the socks.
Does she have a point? Is it the wrong chinuch to allow little girls to wear socks when not in school?

amother

Slateblue ↓

Fri, Aug 02 2024, 10:21 am

I agree with you. My daughter's teachers actually told them, 'socks are tznius, but it's a school rule that we wear tights' and she would never in a million years have her daughter in socks past the age of 3

amother

Whitewash ↓

Fri, Aug 02 2024, 10:31 am

amother OP wrote:

Yes, I think she has a point. Having one rule in school and one at home is confusing.
I dont understand it.
I send to schools that have the same religious shita that I do.
I dont understand sending somewhere that its different. Its confusing to the kids.

amother

Tan

Fri, Aug 02 2024, 10:34 am

amother Whitewash wrote:

Do your kids wear their uniforms on shabbos and Sunday?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Aug 02 2024, 10:35 am

amother Whitewash wrote:

It's not confusing to the kids. It's school dress code, just like uniform & specific shoes are school dress code.
Kids don't wear uniform when not in school.
Kids wear different sneakers & shoes when not in school.
This is no different & the kids understand it well.

amother

Puce

Fri, Aug 02 2024, 10:35 am

amother Whitewash wrote:

There are certain things that are fine halachically but not appropriate for school. My high school principal used to tell us there is nothing wrong with makeup or nail polish but it’s not for school. It doesn’t have to be confusing.

imaima ↓

Fri, Aug 02 2024, 10:36 am

amother OP wrote:

If tights from age 4 are a part of your derech then she is right. If it’s just a school rule but the school doesn’t follow your family derech, then you are right

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Aug 02 2024, 10:36 am

What is very confusing to kids though, is like what Satmer school does. They do not allow the girls to wear white tights to school and daycamp, they told the girls that it's not tzenuis. But they have a rule that girls must wear white tights on shabbos. So is it tzenuis or not??? The girls realize & question. That's confusing.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Aug 02 2024, 10:37 am

imaima wrote:

If tights from age 4 are a part of your derech then she is right. If it’s just a school rule but the school doesn’t follow your family derech, then you are right

In our family, girls wear socks till 6-7. Some don't wear till bas mitzva.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Aug 02 2024, 10:39 am

amother Whitewash wrote:

My kids dont have uniforms.
I didnt either growing up.

But do you understand what we're trying to point out? That the school dress code is for school. At home we dress tzenuis, but not necessarily in the school dress code.

amother

↑ Whitewash ↓

Fri, Aug 02 2024, 10:40 am

amother Puce wrote:

This is not that. The op is saying her kids school has a different rule to her family rule.

amother

Bergamot

Fri, Aug 02 2024, 10:40 am

amother Whitewash wrote:

I sent my girls to schools that had the same religious shitta I had, and then you know what happened? They kept changing the rules. Again and again. And that was confusing.

So I started changing my thinking, and I do think it's fine to explain to kids what your home is about, and what school is about. Ideally the differences should not be very huge ones.

I mean, you have Sephardi kids attending Ashkenazi schools, and their parents teaching them their chinuch from the home.
I teach my kids that they need to follow school rules at school, but we may have some different minhagim at home.

amother

↑ Whitewash ↓

Fri, Aug 02 2024, 10:42 am

amother OP wrote:

But do you understand what we're trying to point out? That the school dress code is for school. At home we dress tzenuis, but not necessarily in the school dress code.

And im saying I dont think this dicotomy is ok. Having a rule in school that is different than what you say for that same rule, in your family.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Aug 02 2024, 10:45 am

amother Whitewash wrote:

And im saying I dont think this dicotomy is ok. Having a rule in school that is different than what you say for that same rule, in your family.

Why is it not okay? School rules are for School. Chinuch is from the home.
Of course, the basic hashkafa has to align, but uniform/socks/mode of dress is not a Chinuch/hashkafa issue. It's appropriate school dress code vs dress code when not in school.