Help!! How to teach a baby to self regulate

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 12:18 am

My 12m old wakes up in middle of the night shrieking and nothing will calm her down unless I stand there and hold her until she's in a really deep sleep. Then putting her down is (hopefully) successful.
Right now she's screaming after I held her for 10 minutes this is every night please tell me what to do??
As a newborn she took the pacifier and she was a dream baby but for several months now she refuses to take a paci and I am really frustrated!!

amother

Offwhite

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 12:50 am

How does she fall asleep for the night the first time? Do you rock her?

Try putting her down in the crib when she is comfortable and happy, but drowsy. If she falls asleep like that she’s more likely to fall back asleep like that.

Other ideas-music, mobile, bottle with water

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 1:07 am

amother Offwhite wrote:

I usually put her in with a bottle. I don't rock her
She has a noise machine

amother

Charcoal

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 1:39 am

We were having an issue with our baby waking up every night crying. Sometimes he'd be very hysterical. Personally for him, something about outdoors soothed him, we'd go outside our front door for a few minutes and he'd calm down and take in the sights.

But he kept waking up, and we were trying to figure out why. He'd be upset until we gave him a bottle, but he shouldn't have needed one, he totally had enough to eat without it. We did two things- first, we stopped giving him a bottle in bed. We only gave him his bottles before we put it in, to remove the association that bottle equals comfort and sleep. It became just part of supper or snack or whatever- he finished his bottle, and only then did we put him to bed. Second, we stopped giving him bottles when he woke up at night. The first couple times were hard, but pretty soon he stopped insisting on them at night. It was basically sleep training again. Now he still wakes up, but way less often, many times he gives one little kvetch and falls asleep, or if he cries longer than that he can usually just be calmed and soothed and laid back down with his paci and blankie.

amother

Salmon

Mon, Jul 29 2024, 9:51 am

All my babies went through this exact phase. They were good sleepers but then one day decided to start screeching every night in the crib, sometime between 12-18 months. It’s a phase, it will pass. My best advice is to sleep with them in their room (don’t bring them into your room/bed or they’ll never go back). You/your husband may have to sleep there for a few days or up to 2 weeks. Put a mattress on the floor if you have to. When they cry, let them see you are there. Speak to them gently. You don’t have to hold them all night, it’s ok if they cry a bit in the crib, but you should sit on the floor near their crib, stick your hands through the bars, hold their hands, talk to them soothingly about how you’re right there and you love them, and it’s time to go to sleep. They won’t feel abandoned and the phase will pass. Good luck.

Edit: you of course want to make sure there isn’t an underlying medical reason they are crying. If they stop crying the moment you pick them up, it’s safe to say there’s nothing else wrong with them.