How hard are twins for the first year?

amother

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 2:42 pm

I'm expecting twins and I'm not sure whether I should or shouldn't send my older child out.

I like to keep my kids home with me until Kindergarden (sometimes even first grade) and I've had multiple kids home with me at the same time.

But having never had twins, I'm not sure how much harder it'll be.

Compounding the confusion, I have 2 under Kindergarden age, and I'm not even considering sending the younger one. (One will be 18 mo when I'm due, the other almost 4.) In some ways, it'll be easier to have 2 home than 1 home because they can play together.

The 18 mo is a huge trouble maker and is much better when playing together with the 4 yo. At present, almost 4 yo is very needy, doesn't self entertain much, and lives for outings – but I see how they play together and I'm hopeful there will be some maturing as the months tick by.

So, because I'm rambling and oh-so-confused, here are my pros and cons:

Pros of sending:

Cons of sending (aside from all the reasons I don't want to send, like the fact that I don't think 4yo is mature enough yet, the very high student-teacher ratio, the amount of sugar they give, etc. etc. And no, there are no Montessori type options that I'd be happy with.):

So basically, because I'm still rambling:

Any (experienced) insights would be greatly appreciated. Please don't answer if you're just speculating based on your imaginings of what it would be like to have twins. Or even if your sister had twins and didn't cope. I want actual experience, not second hand experience. Thanks for understanding.

amother

Coffee ↓

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 2:45 pm

I sent my oldest out a month after the twins were born.
It was very hard to keep DC home. Bh full term twins and a small apartment and having the aides.

amother

↑ Coffee ↓

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 2:46 pm

I got rid of the aids after four months because I felt like they were making it harder for me. I sleep trained the twins and it was so much easier for me.

amother

↑ Coffee ↓

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 2:48 pm

I would say keep the 18 month old home. And try to see if you can get help during the day.

rmbg

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 2:50 pm

I would take the money that it would cost to send the four yr old out and hire someone to come to the house. Even if just for a few months

amother

Waterlily

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 2:52 pm

My twins were pretty much a full time job. At least for the first couple of months, I did nothing but care for my twins. I sent my 2 year old out - wouldn't have managed with having her home.
On the other hand, a good option for you might be to get a woman to help you. Like a combo nanny/baby nurse/cleaning lady. My friend did that - she had it much easier than me.
It also very much depends on your twins. Some twins are good babies, nap well, etc. while others are colicky screamers.
I'd say the hardest part is the beginning when they're newborns and you're also still recovering from the birth, but it gets a bit easier every 3 months or so - in stages.

amother

Fern

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 2:59 pm

I enjoyed taking care of my twins. I had a nurse for 2 weeks. I also went back to work part time twice a week and had a babysitter come to my house. This way I was able to do errands after work. The key is to keep them on a schedule.

Kiwi13

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 3:02 pm

My oldest was 2 when my twins were born and I was very thankful he was in daycare at the time. He got to go out and play with other kids, under the supervision of adults who weren’t always exhausted. I had more energy for him when he came home than I otherwise would have.

Twins are a full time job, even all on their own, even if they wind up somewhat on the same schedule. That schedule will still shift as the babies grow and their needs change.

Something else just to be aware of is that twins have a higher rate of premature birth and NICU stays. Mine didn’t come home until about a month old, and my life was split between home and the hospital. If I’d had to manage my 2yo home full time at the same time, I really don’t know how I would have done it.

The most helpful approach I discovered was to set aside any expectations of what having twins would be like, and to just roll with whatever actually happened as it was happening. I had no fantasies of getting the babies on the same schedule. It happened sometimes, but not always. I did whatever I had to do to survive. I didn’t think I would co-sleep my babies, but it turned out that was how my daughter slept best, and if she slept we ALL slept. (I ended up cherishing those early nights of co-sleeping!)

Anyway…

Bshaa tova!

amother

Peony

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 3:05 pm

for sure I think your should send 4 yr old out honestly I would even send out 18 mo old

amother

Purple

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 3:09 pm

I would send them out that they can have a normal more relaxed time with you after they come home each day.

amother

Candycane

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 3:59 pm

Never had twins. But based on the situation you described u would keep the 4 yo home to help entertain the 18 month old and have an easier afternoon, IF you don't think the 4 yo will go nuts from boredom being home with friends all day.

tichellady ↓

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 4:03 pm

Twins often come with a a c section and nicu stay so I would plan for a few weeks where you are really unable to take care of the other kids

amother

Pink

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 4:14 pm

My older one was almost 3, so I had 3 under 3 at home.

I had a girl take my son out at the same time as a mature woman came to babysit the twins, so I could always count on those couple of hours.

People thought I was crazy keeping him home, but tbh, the thought of drop-off and pick-up at set times put me off. Even with dh and neighbours offering to help with it, I'd still have to have him ready.

amother

↑ Coffee

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 4:35 pm

tichellady wrote:

Twins often come with a a c section and nicu stay so I would plan for a few weeks where you are really unable to take care of the other kids

Not all. My twins weren’t.

mizle10

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 6:02 pm

Honestly, I don’t even think it’s nice to the 4 year old to keep him/her home. Keeping a 4 year old home can work if your invested in keeping them stimulated and happy. That’s not going to be possible. 4 year old will be happier in school. 4 year old being a playmate for 18 month old shouldn’t even be a consideration, that’s just selfish.

amother

Bergamot

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 8:11 pm

I would send them both out.

amother

Broom

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 10:02 pm

Not a twin mom but I send my kids out from the age of 2 to Morah/School they absolutely love the stimulation and the learning. My daughter just turned 5 and she learnt Aleph Bais and ABC’s this year, to me that’s very important. However if you can take care of the babies and teach the older one some basic fundamentals then kuddos to you.

↑ tichellady

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 10:06 pm

amother Coffee wrote:

Not all. My twins weren’t.

I said often not all. Most of the twins I know ended up in the nicu. A twin mom shouldn’t be surprised that this is something to prepare for

amother

Steelblue ↓

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 10:09 pm

amother Peony wrote:

for sure I think your should send 4 yr old out honestly I would even send out 18 mo old

This! I have legit memory loss from that first year with my twins but cannot imagine having two toddlers home all day as well. It’s not an overrated situation. And one baby could be colicky or asthmatic or constipated… there’s infinite possibilities but don’t do it. Two babies at the same stage are super hard. It does get easier at 9-12 months but till then, send em out!

amother

↑ Steelblue

Sun, Jul 28 2024, 10:11 pm

amother Coffee wrote:

Not all. My twins weren’t.

My twins were also not in the NICU. Bh bh! But we’re still a few weeks early and that came with challenges. And if you have healthy boys think of two post bris babies simultaneously. And mom could be post c section (very high probability). Taking care of two more kids will not be physically possible…