DD begging to go to sleep away next summer help!!

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:20 am

My DD is 10, turning 11 in Oct and is begging me to go to sleep away next summer when she’ll be going in to 6th. The thing is, I don’t feel like she’s mature enough or emotionally mature. My oldest is going away this summer, going into 7th but she decided she was ready and I agreed.
With this child I don’t agree. She’s a picky eater. Her self esteem has never been great. She’s drawn to fancy kids with fancy stuff. I don’t feel
Like she’s solid in who she is yet and it makes me nervous to send.
Unfortunately the local options are not amazing for next summer and she’s complaining how bored she’ll be. I really feel for her.
Am I being over protective?? Should I just let her go and become exposed to who knows what? I don’t necessarily trust her friend judgment.
Please help! Any advice appreciated!!

DrMom

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:24 am

Does she have friends who will go as well? If so, that might help her be less drawn to "fancy kids with fancy stuff."

Or do you think her desire to go to camp in the first place is because she wants to mimic "fancy kids with fancy stuff?"

tweety1

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 2:01 am

First shlep time. Tell her to enjoy this summer and we'll talk when times comes closer. I often use this technique. Sometimes it works sometimes it doesn't. It gives the kids time to think, and gives me time to think and discuss it at length with dh.

amother

Yellow

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 2:02 am

amother Rainbow wrote:

At that age everyone goes. You as the parent get to choose which camp & crowd. And the experience helps them grow up & mature.

Interesting. Chasidish camps start at 7th grade which means going into eighth. End of fifth grade does seem young for sleepaway camp.

amother

Mintgreen ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 7:54 am

I would have no problem insisting she wait until whatever year I felt made sense. But I also don't see sleepaway camp as a rite of passage or a valuable experience or anything. Only send because dd wants and everybody does it

amother

NeonYellow

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 7:56 am

I sent mine at that age. If she really wants to go what’s the harm. They really learn to take care of themselves. And the counselors usually guide them a bit at that age.

mummiedearest

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 7:59 am

These are your only two issues with it? Nothing else?

I wouldn’t see food as an issue. She won’t starve. She’d likely come back eating a couple of new things. Picky eating is not really a maturity issue.

As for fancy crowds, that is not a maturity issue either. Plenty of mature adults are like this. The issue is whether or not she can take no for an answer. You would need to be very clear in what you will and will not provide. If she can handle that while hanging out with a fancy crowd, that’s pretty mature.

I don’t think every kid needs camp. However, if it’s something you would do anyway at some point and she feels ready now, I don’t think it’s unreasonable.

Elfrida

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 8:02 am

She has until the time for camp applications to prove to you that she is mature enough. Tell her your hesitations, and let her prove that she can overcome them enough to cope in camp.

amother

Mint

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 8:03 am

amother Yellow wrote:

Interesting. Chasidish camps start at 7th grade which means going into eighth. End of fifth grade does seem young for sleepaway camp.

In my days it started in fifth lol. And our boys still start at 10, but the system is totally different for them so I get that part.

amother

Red

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:07 am

OP, what you are describing is normal. Notthing is atypical. And I find that many kids, especially those with self esteem issues, thrive in a camp environment. Let her go!

Chayalle

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 9:20 am

If you don't want to send her till 7th because your oldest didn't go till that age, you can tell her to hold off. However, warning from a Mom whose been there - I held off with my oldest for a year (for financial reasons) and it was a very boring summer for her. Had I known, I might have sent her.

However, the reasons you give make no sense to hold off on. These are inherent personality issues that are not likely to change in a year; you need to accept who she is, that she is going to live a life according to her own personality and challenges. She ISN'T your older DD and you should not compare them. She is herself, and she needs you to accept her as she is and let her deal with life her way. She may be the type that is more drawn to the fancy kids, less confident, etc...and it takes a great deal of growing to resolve these things and be more solid.

amother

Cadetblue

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 10:02 am

amother Yellow wrote:

Interesting. Chasidish camps start at 7th grade which means going into eighth. End of fifth grade does seem young for sleepaway camp.

I think that's only Chassidish though

amother

Lavender

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 10:35 am

I would send her. It might be just the thing to help her mature.
I would also tell her upfront that you’re going to allow her to go but it’s a commitment on her part to stay the full 4 weeks! Have her think it through beforehand and commit to it. No backing out!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 12:55 pm

Thanks everyone for the thoughtful responses. A few more things to add.
1)we live oot, ideally I would love for her to go to the same camp as her sister flights etc would be streamlined but also bc that camp her older sister is going to is known for amazing oot girls with great middos. But that camp only starts going into 7th so if dd goes to sleep away next summer it would in theory just be for 1 year, which to me seems silly. Go to a camp for one summer, make friends and then never see them again?

2)yes camp can bring out the best in girls but it could also bring out issues. Self esteem in one. I also worry about her being at risk for an eating disorder gd forbid, and she for sure had anxiety. These are all huge factors that make me feel like I’d like to hold off another year.

3)but with all of this, I don’t want her complaining the entire summer next year about why didn’t I let her go and she’s so bored.

amother

↑ Mintgreen

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 1:54 pm

If you're comfortable in your decision not to send her, her complaints shouldn't make a difference.

I had similar concerns with a dd, we offered her a family trip to a very exciting destination instead and she took it gladly.

amother

Begonia

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 3:23 pm

You have a whole year to have these conversations and help set her up for success. Children can come so far in a year. If she is asking and your concerns are technical I would follow her lead.
For ex: If you are concerned that she won't get enough nutrients while in camp (Although I personally don't see this as a real concern, on the contrary, she will learn to man up and eat) have a conversation with her. Explain to her what camp meal time will look like and why what you are seeing at home concerns you. Let her tell you why she thinks it will be ok ect. This will be a wonderful learning experience for both of you. I have a sneaking suspision you will be surprised along the way.

Edited to add that I just read your second post where you wrote that your first choice camp does not start until seventh. This is a real concern IMHO.