How can I answer without lying

behappy2

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 12:04 pm

You are allowed to lie in this situation. You can just say that you are fasting. But then you need to hide in front of your kids. I wouldn't want to do that.

safetynet1

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 12:07 pm

I think this is a cultural thing. In my circles its a conversation piece. No one thinks twice about it. You either fast or you don't.

amother

Saddlebrown ↓

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 1:39 pm

safetynet1 wrote:

I think this is a cultural thing. In my circles its a conversation piece. No one thinks twice about it. You either fast or you don't.

Why would fasting even be a conversation piece? What's to discuss, if everyone else is fasting? Who cares? I vent All I want if I'm feeling weak but I never ask anyone else what they're doing. Honestly, I couldn't care less.

amother

Ghostwhite

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 4:28 pm

How about "why wouldn't I be?"
If they take it as a rhetorical question, good end of convo.
If they answer a more acceptable response, "if you don't feel well" or "it's not your minhag" you can nod and say something vague like "right."
If they answer something awkward like "if you're pregnant" (can't imagine they would) you can rightfully say "that's not a polite thing to ask someone."

amother

DarkMagenta

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 5:08 pm

I haven't fasted besides yom kippur since my first pregnancy 9 years ago. I bH have 2 children, 6 years apart. I definitely wasn't nursing for 6 years and wasn't pregnant for 6 years either and still didn't fast.
Not fasting doesn't have to be connected to pregnancy or nursing

tweety1

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 5:40 pm

amother Stone wrote:

I am not fasting today and I’m not nursing or pregnant or any health issues bh. This is my family’s minhag. If someone asked me, I would say no I’m not and that’s that.

Same here. Lor says ladies don't have to fast.

↑ tichellady

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 5:43 pm

Am I the only person who shows by 10 weeks? Everyone knows I’m pregnant by 15 weeks. It’s not an option to hide unless I don’t leave my house

amother

Midnight

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 6:07 pm

You can say you're not feeling well (which is probably true if you're on the earlier end of pregnancy) or that you're not fasting for medical reasons (also true).

amother

Mayflower

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 6:44 pm

amother Hunter wrote:

No, for health reasons.
Enough.

I got the same issue today. Invited a friend for an outing and she asked, Won‘t you be wiped out from fasting?
Oops. Forgot that other moms are fasting today..

Why would you invite someone for an outing on a day of public national mourning? It may not be a transgression, but it's surely not in the spirit of the day.

amother

Steel

Tue, Jul 23 2024, 7:51 pm

I had that when I was 5 weeks pregnant with my oldest on Taanis Esther. A coworker asked (in front of not Jewish coworkers) if I'm fasting, and I said that I was up early enough to eat breakfast so I don't feel it. Since everyone knew it was a fast day once she asked, I had to sneak my lunch in the filing room and didn't drink enough. I ended up in the hospital with dehydration.

amother

Darkblue ↓

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 11:24 am

amother Saddlebrown wrote:

Because in Chassidish circles it is considered very normal to casually discuss chasidishe minhagim.

Does your husband wear veise zocken on shabbos? Do women fast on minor fast days? What do you serve at a typical shabbos meal etc.

When one only fasts on Tisha B'av and YK it is unfortunately easy to forget that it is an invasive question for those that usually do unless they have different health circumstances.

amother

↑ Saddlebrown

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 12:17 pm

amother Darkblue wrote:

LOL. I am from chassidish circles and I still don't see how this is a conversation piece.
I was at work yesterday all day with many chassidish workmates, this didn't come up once! Who cares???
Same goes for the levush question. I've never been part of a conversation that centered around my husband's socks. I get asked, I answer and it's over. A conversation? I'm not 10!

amother

↑ Darkblue

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 2:02 pm

amother Saddlebrown wrote:

The point I'm trying to make is not really about how long you can discuss these things for.

It's that if you don't fast beshitta, it's easy to inadverdently forget that for others, it depends on their health, and to forget to treat this as a sensitive topic.

amother

Crystal

Wed, Jul 24 2024, 3:56 pm

I just say something vague like "I'm a terrible faster, I get such migraines" and leave it there.
I haven't said I'm fasting and I haven't said I'm not.
I have a friend who is excellent at this type of obfuscation and try to learn from her.