12 years after his bris

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 6:47 pm

We had our son’s bris done by a newbie. I remember thinking things didn’t look so clean at the time, but I was so young and what did I really know? My husband showed to my father who said it was kosher and good. Over the years, my son’s aver always looked more saggy on one side, like a loose skin. As I had more boys (with brissim done by seasoned mohels), I realized how nice and tidy they looked and how not nice and tidy my oldest really was. Then he got too big for me too see him anymore and speculate and while I sometimes thought about it, I didn’t really concern myself. He’s now 12, and a few days ago, he came up to me all bash fully and said “ma, my things looks weird, like not even, full of skin- is that normal?” I reassured him that everyone is different and that he’s good and normal but now I want to reassure myself. What if I should have done something earlier? People can feel different or strange and carry body shame into marriage, I’m worried. Is there anything for me to do now without traumatizing him? My husband thinks I’m being nitpicky but I don’t think I am.

amother

Petunia

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 6:53 pm

are you asking halacha or medically? if medically, I think it's important to validate your son's concerns and schedule an appointment with his pediatrician - make it a well visit and mention the concern. it'll teach him it's ok to have questions about his body, that if you don't have the answer you'll consult with an expert to get one. Assuming you have a male pediatrician? even better if the dr is jewish...

amother

Aster

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 7:00 pm

My son's pediatrician picked up on something at a well visit. He sent my son to a urologist who did need to make a correction. There was still some skin that was not properly removed at his bris. Was a quick outpatient procedure. Ask your son's pediatrician to check at the next little visit or even when you're next there for a sick visit. Son was in his late teens at the time...

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 7:14 pm

Yes I want to get it checked out. I commended him for coming to me and told him that it’s great he did and also normal to have questions of all kinds. I’m open about puberty and a big advocate for child and personal safety. But he HATES the dr and he is traumatized from well visits, he’s a private boy and he’d be totally shaken if I had him show his private parts to a mohel in the community.

amother

↑ Pink

Mon, Jul 22 2024, 7:18 pm

He needs a doctor at minimum because it can actually be an issue that needs to be dealt with before puberty. You need to tell him that it’s normal to show private parts to doctors when there might be an issue. And it’s ok and he might be uncomfortable but the doctor will be respectful and it will be over fast. Maybe go straight to a urologist if he doesn’t like his pediatrician.