What are your thoughts on inviting one spouse?

↑ dankbar

Sun, Jul 21 2024, 8:49 am

You have the advantage that in the English language "you" is singular and plural.

When you say I want to invite you to our kiddush, it can mean both.

amother

Freesia

Sun, Jul 21 2024, 10:06 am

Maybe etiquette dictates that both halves of a couple should be invited, but the once or twice that I went with my husband to a friend of his simcha I felt ridiculous. Sure, I knew the wife somewhat and wished her Mazal tov, but after that there was absolutely no reason for me to be there. I don't go any more. Granted I live in Israel and most of the events we are invited to are charedi, so fully seperate and quite informal. I suppose it would be different if we could sit together and were required to RSVP.

tweety1

Sun, Jul 21 2024, 10:43 am

It depends. If you and and your dh are both friendly with the husband and wife then yes it's rude. But if you barely know the wife or your husband barely knows the husband then it's perfectly fine.

Cheiny

Sun, Jul 21 2024, 11:01 am

amother OP wrote:

We're iyH planning a kiddush. My husband and I don't have a lot of "couple friends" I.e where he's friends with the husband and I'm friends with the wife. His friends are more from shul and his shiur, whereas mine are childhood and neighborhood friends, with very little overlap between my friends and his.
We're trying to cut down costs, but we can't work out if it's rude to only invite one person instead of a couple, for all the people where I have nothing to do with the wife or he has nothing to do with the husband (in some cases, I'm pretty sure she wouldn't even know my name or what I look like, etc).

Would you be insulted if just your husband was invited to a kiddush? Is this a done thing? Tbh when I'm invited to simchos where I don't know the woman and we're only invited cuz the guy is a friend of my husband's, I just don't go...

This is absolutely not done and not mentshlich. Please don’t even consider it.

RBPetra

Sun, Jul 21 2024, 12:59 pm

Consider that the women you don't really know who show up likely want to be your friend. If they weren't actively interested in becoming your friend, they wouldn't bother going--especially if they have children at home. Same for the husbands of your friends with your husband. Actively excluding those people would be hurtful

imasinger

Sun, Jul 21 2024, 1:03 pm

Mazel tov!!

Is there another way to cut back on costs? Better to serve simple fare and invite all than to risk hurt feelings, IMO. No reason to break the bank. Maybe close family or friends can help out?