Where would you sent your high school son I this case

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Forum -> Chinuch, Education & Schooling

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amother

OP ↓

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 10:38 am

Not sure I should put this here or in the ADHD forum but here it is.
My son is going into 10th grade. For 9th he went to a small yeshiva for good boys who cant sit and learn. It is a yeshiva where they are able to get up when they want and the English was really a joke.
There is a yeshiva he wants to go to since last year. All his friends are there but it is a yeshiva that is sort of academic has regents and tests and finals which my son never had even in elementary. I didnt want him going because first I think he wont be able to cope there also while he knows the boys there I am not happy with a lot of them because of there bad influence.
The yeshiva in question has a good name over all but there are a few boys that I am not happy with which unfortunately my son is friends with from elementary and they are sliding down hill.
Then I have another option of sending him out of town to dorm and the boys there are a bit more stable. Problem is we are so tight on money I cant afford to pay tuition and dorm. I have a relative close to the yeshiva but she has girls the same age as my son so I cant see that as an option.

He really does not want to go back to the yeshiva he is in because he feels they are all special needs.
He just doesnt see that he has a problem also. He feels he will be ok in the yeshiva he wants to go to.
I just dont know what is the correct think to do.

mummiedearest

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 10:43 am

Send him to the school where his friends are. He’s old enough to learn to cope with finals. Sure, some of his friends are not up to your standards. Many of us had friends like that. Just make sure your son knows your rules and keep tabs on where he goes. Kids tend to shift friends in high school, he may find a new crowd. He won’t succeed where he was last year.

aimhabanim

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 10:48 am

Sound like a question for daas Torah. Hatzlacha!!!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 11:46 am

Yes I know I will be asking daas Torah but wanted to hear opinions on here.

amother

Leaf ↓

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 12:02 pm

Where do you live?

dena613 ↓

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 1:43 pm

I don't really understand the OP well. Maybe paragraph breaks would help.

But I would not want to send my son to a yeshiva where his chevra is sliding, regardless of academics.

Off topi, is your son on meds for his ADHD? Is he in coaching?

↑ dena613

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 1:45 pm

Can you get tuition assistance for the dorm yeshiva?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 2:56 pm

amother Leaf wrote:

Where do you live?

NY area why do you ask?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 3:01 pm

dena613 wrote:

The thing is there are good kids also.

As far as meds go we tried several but the side affects were terrible plus the psychiatrist that we were seeing moved and we cant get another appointment with a new psychiatrist yet. But tow social workers who saw him are not convinced that he does have ADHD they are not sure what he has but they're not convinced about the ADHD diagnosis.
What do you mean my coaching?

amother

Lemonchiffon

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 3:02 pm

I just want to comment on one point in general, smart boys with some challenges requiring support can be VERY sensitive to being viewed as "special needs" especially at that age. I would take that seriously and really try to find a mainstream option. It can really affect his willingness to do well in school if he's chafing against being labeled.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 3:02 pm

dena613 wrote:

Can you get tuition assistance for the dorm yeshiva?

It's a newish yeshiva so I'm not sure.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 3:09 pm

amother Lemonchiffon wrote:

You are 1000% correct.
He complains that the Yeshiva he is in now is for "special needs"and he is not one of them and he wants to be in a mainstream Yeshiva.
He gets aba therapy which he doesn't know about
He was getting services through Comfort Health which he was not happy about. I told him it's just so we could get the perks because the care manager is friends of the family.

amother

↑ Leaf

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 3:28 pm

amother OP wrote:

NY area why do you ask?

We're in a similar situation.

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 3:58 pm

amother Leaf wrote:

We're in a similar situation.

In which way?

amother

Zinnia

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 4:10 pm

I won’t give an exact answer as to what school
But…
In my experience ( and I don’t come from yeshivish world ) adhd kids, that are really struggling , even if they get by in elementary school & middle school somehow… don’t do well in mainstream high schools that have “ regular expectations “ . This applies both to learning & secular studies .
Even if an adhd child, is on meds for say behavior issues …. They still can’t learn “ like regular boys “
I’ve seen this a lot with many of my hs son’s friends . Like they managed in the local schools but end up “ jumping From school to school “ when they are in high school.
And no, it doesn’t mean that adhd child needs a special Ed school .
They just need an adhd school , when the kid isn’t below everyone else, but is just like everyone else
I have a child who is adhd, and had to make some “ hashkafa adjustments “ but I am putting him in an “ adhd type high school “ .
Hope this helps .

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