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Forum -> Parenting our children

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amother

OP ↓

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 10:37 pm

My sweet daughter is entering 4th grade and has never had a best school friend. She did struggle socially for a few years but had who to speak to but never developed a closeness with anyone outside of school.
There is this one girl who she seems to have a love hate relationship towards.
This girl is popular, sassy, and the only one who lives near us. My daughter likes her a but this girl tends to make her feel bad about herself a lot. This is just about the only girl we ever had a playdate with outside of school.
She requested to be in her class for next year but I'm wondering if I should ask the school not to put them together. Yes, it is her closest school friend but she is one of "those girls" whom my daughter can't ever seem to keep up with.
Thoughts?

amother

Poppy

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 10:38 pm

I’d definitely split them.

amother

Quince ↓

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 10:45 pm

Split

Bleemee

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 10:46 pm

What are the pros of keeping them together?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 10:48 pm

Bleemee wrote:

What are the pros of keeping them together?

The companionship. The benefit of being "friends" with the popular girl. She hasn't hit it off with anyone else.

amother

Fern ↓

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 10:52 pm

You sound like a great mom.

I’m wondering though, what your daughter likes about this girl. If it feels like she can’t keep up with her, but also she is the only one she formed a connection with. That sounds confusing.
So what is it about this friendship that she keeps at it if the friend is making her feel bad?

And what is it that prevented her from connecting with girls who she may feel are more like her?

amother

↑ Quince

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 10:54 pm

Imagine a scenario where this “friend” decides she is no longer is interested because she has someone else (happens all the time with girls). I wouldn’t put all my eggs in one basket especially if they aren’t even so compatible to begin with which it’s sounds like they are not.

amother

↑ Fern

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 10:55 pm

Is there a way to encourage other friendships? So not taking her out of this class, but finding other girls also maybe who are on her wavelength so she can move towards them instead?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 10:56 pm

amother Fern wrote:

They are both more modern in a more BY atmosphere. This girl does has good qualities and therefore likeable. She has a punchy attitude and confidence and my daughter is drawn to that. My daughter also said she has this mean side about her where she calls people weird, sometimes my daughter, is chutzpa to the teachers. Honestly sounds like she gaslights my daughter but showers her with attention on days she is in the mood to be nice so.. yea I get why my daughter is conflicted.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 10:58 pm

Every three days she comes home from camp and says " O I really like Sara" (not her name) but then she has these days where it seems she makes my daughter feel really bad about herself.

amother

Maple

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 10:59 pm

This probably depends on the dynamics of the school, but I would definitely speak to the principal who is going to be splitting the class and who sees the girls. I had a similar issue with my daughter one year and I was surprised that the principal totally had her finger on the pulse of the class and knew what I meant.

amother

↑ OP

Tue, Jul 16 2024, 10:00 am

I am frozen trying to send the email only because I am afraid she will regret it. It is one of the only consistent girls she talks to.

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