If you don't sleep train, what do you do?

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 10:03 pm

Because I am really and truly losing it. I have a 7mo who wakes up every 2 hours all night long needing to be nursed/rocked/held back to sleep. She is healthy and gaining well and no reflux or anything like that. She slept really well as a newborn but then the 4 month sleep regression hit and it went downhill and stayed there.

I don't want to sleep train. But I don't know what to DO. I'm not functioning at all. I have no energy during the day, my house is a wreck and I can't focus at work. My nerves are always on edge and I'm overreacting to things a lot. I haven't exercised since I had her. I've been together with my husband 4 times in the last 7 months.

I know there are many ladies here who don't sleep train. So tell me please: what do you do? Because I just don't get how anyone can do this long term. I want a big family but how many years of my life can I spend in this state?

And please don't say cosleeping, I'm never going to be comfortable with the risks of that, not to mention the deeper you dive into cosleeping spaces online the more you hear about babies who still wake up all night even cosleeping.

The so-called gentle methods don't seem all that gentle to me. Sit next to the crib but don't make eye contact or talk to the baby? Isn't it worse if they see Mommy's right there but ignoring them? And nursing just until they calm down then popping them off, or holding them till they stop crying then putting them back down, seem like a cruel tease.

Idk. I hate it all. And also I don't know how to continue this way 😫😫

amother

Heather ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 10:17 pm

When I sleep trained.
First 3 days DH second 3 days me the other week was either. (Daytime me)
Make a bedtime routine.
Bottle/nurse
Bath
Shema and other things you want to add.
Put baby down. And if s/he cries wait a few minutes and reassure baby. Run it’s back say you’re here.
And again if it cries do the same thing (for first three days and nights)

Second three days move your chair a bit farther from the baby and repeat the steps if crying. (But wait another min or two)

From day 7 leave the room right away and if crying sit a few minutes and then come to reassure. By then baby should be able to sleep.

Same for daytime. If you read a book always read the same book.

(703) 661-9815 Susan sleep solutions.

amother

Birch ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 10:38 pm

Co sleeping isn’t dangerous at 7 months unless you’re a deep sleeper or get drunk.
I co sleep and nurse them back to sleep. This takes a lot of energy but it’s a priority of mine.
I have a large family and have been doing this for years. It’s not easy, are there other things you can make easier in your life?

amother

Strawberry

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 10:40 pm

Nurse to sleep, and when baby wakes up 2 hours later , I nurse them back to sleep, and 3 hours later again..

At some point baby does end up in my bed and Im totally ok with that.

My baby is now over a yr, closer to 1.5 and I still nurse to sleep..
I do want to stop , but since I have not gotten my period back since giving birth, Im still ok with nursing.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 10:43 pm

amother Strawberry wrote:

You do this just to avoid getting your period?!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 10:48 pm

amother Birch wrote:

Co sleeping isn’t dangerous at 7 months unless you’re a deep sleeper or get drunk.

I disagree and have researched this a lot. My baby sleeps on her stomach which is ok on a firm crib mattress, not on an adult mattress. My mattress is memory foam which carries other risks too like overheating. Plus there's the risk of rolling off the bed or getting entrapped in a bed rail or between the bed and wall.

amother Birch wrote:

It’s not easy, are there other things you can make easier in your life?

Well yeah that's what I'm doing.

I hardly clean
I hardly do laundry
I hardly have intimacy with my husband
I never exercise

I'm neglecting everything else to support doing this.

amother

↑ Birch ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 10:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

Well yeah that's what I'm doing.

I hardly clean
I hardly do laundry
I hardly have intimacy with my husband
I never exercise

I'm neglecting everything else to support doing this.

If you don’t feel comfortable co sleeping you shouldn’t do it. To anyone reading this you need to make sure the baby can’t roll off the bed and push the bed to a wall with a guard rail on the other side. You also need to ensure that bedding is safe and not in a position to suffocate the baby.

Can your husband take the baby for some time at night? A 7 month old is young and I would still nurse the baby to sleep when they wake at night.

HeartyAppetite ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 11:08 pm

I was in the same boat as you… my baby was waking up every hour. I ended up calling a sleep trainer and she uses a method where you let the baby cry 3 minutes, that’s all… and by day 3 she was doing longer stretches. I was shocked by how easy it was!

amother

Mimosa

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 11:12 pm

My one year old still does this…
I co slept until about 8 months - didn’t have any blankets in the bed, had her on her back, I slept great because I would sleep through nursing at night but she started waking up from my movements at night
Then I started getting her used to her own room so yes I was back in there many times a night and she did get used to sleeping slightly longer stretches.
Nowadays she’s in her crib the whole night but I’m in there at least 5 times.
The way I’m functional is that my husband goes in at around 2 so that way I can usually get about. 5 hour stretch and that saves me.

You can definitely try all the patting and up and down methods but I tried many and none worked for her and were so traumatizing for me I’d rather keep getting up at night for now

amother

Winterberry ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 11:17 pm

This was me until I realized that my baby needs a normal mother more then she needs to nurse for comfort at night. I read up on all the methods and then did what I felt would work best for my baby.
She cried it total less then 15-20 minutes until she learned that mommy will always come but there is no nursing at night and she stoped waking up to nurse (she does sometimes cry for me to come into her room and I’m ok with spending part of the night in her room for now)

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 11:22 pm

amother Birch wrote:

Actually this is not recommended due to the risk of the baby becoming entrapped between the wall and mattress or between the mattress and bed rail.

For non-mobile babies sleeping in the cuddle curl is safest, once they are mobile moving your mattress to the floor in the middle of the room (away from any walls) is recommended.

Definitely no memory foam mattresses and mattress must be very very firm. If you're plus size, firmness is even more important because your body can create more of an indentation in the mattress which can cause baby to roll. On a crib mattress it's ok if your baby rolls to their stomach, but no adult mattresses are that level of firmness and you really want baby on their back.

No bedding at all except one pillow under your head and a light blanket below your waist.

Like I said I've been researching this a lot, I recommend checking out @happycosleeper on Instagram. She is super pro-cosleeping and does it herself but there are a lot of safety pieces to consider and the conclusion I came to was that it wasn't going to work for me in my particular situation and setup.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 11:25 pm

amother Winterberry wrote:

What method did you do? How old was she?

amother

↑ Winterberry

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 11:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

What method did you do? How old was she?

She was about 10 months when I cut out a feeding using this method.
I put a sippy cup in her crib when she woke up I went into her room held her and offered her sippy cup and pacifier I made sure not to hold her in a position she would nurse in. She cried for probably 2/3 minutes till she accepted and then once she was calm and almost sleeping I put her into her crib. It took 3 nights for her to stop waking up for that feeding

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 11:39 pm

HeartyAppetite wrote:

Can you share the method?

↑ HeartyAppetite

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 11:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

Can you share the method?

The sleep training actually starts from the morning when the baby wakes up. You need to establish a good feeding and nap routine. Then we started with a night routine and put the baby in her own crib and room. The 3 minute method is basically we decided on a 4 hour stretch and when she woke up after an hour instead of picking her up and nursing her I let her cry for 3 minutes. Then I in and gave her pacifier and calmed her down by patting, not picking her up and left the room. Let her cry 3 minutes again and do it again. She calmed down pretty easy. And I did it every hour till it was time for her feeding…. I was consistent for 3 days and the third day she did a four hour stretch…like I had trained her.. after a week I pushed it to a 6 hour stretch. And after a while she was doing even longer stretches on her own.
But again, it starts with the feeding and napping schedule first. The longer stretches they can do during the day between feedings the longer stretches they can do at night.

cosa ↓

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 12:33 am

My 5th didn't sleep thru the night until about 14m old. Yes I went crazy. Yes I slept with him in my bed many nights (didn't mean to but I was SO tired).

When he was 14m I decided to put him in his crib (he had been in Co sleeper next to my bed) and let him cry it out (controversial I know). I thought he was developed enough to understand it's night time now and Mommy needs to sleep and he needs to sleep. I told him this before I put him to bed and kissed him goodnight. He cried for about 30 min the first night. At one point I went in and spoke to him, calmed him and kissed him goodnight again. The second night I think he cried maybe 5 min. Then after that he was sleeping thru.

He's still not a great sleeper and will wake up during the night a few times a week but usually he'll to back to sleep after a few min of crying. If he's crying for more then 15 min I'll take him out cuddle him and put him back, that's usually fine. I stopped nursing him during the day around 18m but at night I stopped around the time I put him in his crib for the night.

If I could go back in time I would have sleep trained him when he was younger, without the crying. I just am not good at sleep training so I wait till they are older and let them cry. I've done this with 3/5 of my kids (2 were bh good sleepers) and I do not allow them to get hysterical. I know crying it out is not everyone's cup of tea but at a certain point a mother needs their sanity.

Sorry I don't have any practical advice right now for you except that 99% of babies eventually will sleep!

amother

↑ Birch ↓

Mon, Jul 15 2024, 2:33 am

amother OP wrote:

Thanks for the information.