Little girls and makeup

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 3:30 pm

What is your attitude towards little girls--below preteen--and makeup? Would get your preschooler a pretend makeup kit (with lipstick etc that's just plastic and doesn't really do anything), so that they could play pretend games with it? Would you, maybe as a special treat, or birthday treat or something, let your elementary schooler have a couple of friends over and give each other makeovers? Do you put makeup on your little girls for simchas? How about for Purim or fun camp days (e.g., mock weddings)?

While I have some older boys, my oldest girl is in elementary school, and my personal opinion is that I'm not interested in making my little girls into teens any sooner than they need to be. But when her good friend was in preschool she got a pretend makeup kit for her birthday, and my daughter begged me for one. (I didn't end up getting it for her, for various reasons.) Girls her age are wearing lip gloss and things like that, and she begged me for makeup for a mock wedding in camp this summer so I told her I'm fine with a bit of blush...but she came home from camp fully made up by the counselors, and she said all the girls did. Now I just got a birthday party invite from a girl in her class for a makeover party. The girls invited are 8-9 years old.

For reference, we are OOT yeshivish and live in a large OOT community. My kids know that sometimes there are things our family does that other families don't (or vice versa) and that's part of living here. But in this case, I wonder whether I'm the crazy one? I don't think this is divided by hashkafa, but I'm not sure. At least one mom who is on the same page as me on everything else, seems to be fine with this. So I'm wondering if I'm the odd one out and being unreasonable.

How do most moms feel about this? Also, what type of community do you live in and do you think most people there feel the same way?

amother

Saddlebrown

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 3:33 pm

Yuck! Never ever! I remember my now 9 year old was invited to a makeup themed bday party when she was 4 and I was horrified! I really held my nose in letting her go and participate. They have their whole lives to be adults: this is not the time. I find it very jonbenet Ramsey

We are Rw/mo

amother

Bisque ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 3:41 pm

MO in OOT yeshivish community, and I also disapprove of little girls wearing make up. It comes up once or twice a year for me, mainly at day camp. I don't make a fuss, as it is rare enough. I haven't seen makeover birthday parties here. I would hate that, but not enough to forbid my DDs to go. I don't know what other parents here think, but if the day camp does it, I guess most other moms must not mind.

amother

Amber

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 3:44 pm

Pretend makeup kit is one thing. All little girls dream of princesses with makeup, I dont have an issue letting my little girls play with it.
Makeovers for 8 year olds, even 10 year olds, never!

LovesHashem ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 3:50 pm

My girls loveeee their pretend makeup. It's just pretend like dress up high heels or a pretend credit card. They see me doing it and they want to copy, I think that's healthy and normal.

Little ones just want to copy you.

amother

Amaryllis

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 3:53 pm

LovesHashem wrote:

Same. I really don't have any good reason not to get my little one some make-up to play with when she begs for it. It's just fun and creative. She looks like a clown and we wash it off before we leave the house. I'm not sitting there doing her face, she's just playing around and making herself look like a mommy or a morah and then reading a book to her dolls. I don't really understand what's wrong with it.

amother

Lavender

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 3:54 pm

Yes, you are the crazy one. If you let your little boys play dress up with hats and taleisim then you should have no problem letting your little girls play with a pretend makeup kit. And some blush for a little girl going to a mock wedding? Anyone who has any issue with that is an extremist. These are not girls who are “growing up before their time”, these are just girls engaging in pretend play just like playing house. Relax.

Giraffe

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 4:02 pm

Make-up was so disparaged when I was young that I never had interest in it.

My parents forced me when I was older but managed to be married for 11 years without it.

Also the constant put downs about girls made me lose interest in a lot of feminine interests.

I let my girls have a lot more positive experiences with femininity including make-up when younger.

↑ LovesHashem

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 4:04 pm

amother Amaryllis wrote:

We only have plastic ones, nothing actually in it like plastic food. The kids makeup is often filled with a lot of toxic and harmful ingredients.

lamplighter

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 4:05 pm

Makeup is for dress up, that's our rule.

amother

Yarrow

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 4:08 pm

What can possibly be wrong with a pretend makeup kit? Let your girls be girls

amother

Azure

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 4:15 pm

Seems a little extreme and dramatic

amother

Crocus

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 4:17 pm

I used to play with my mom's makeup for dress up all the time. To wear for real for an even was not allowed before I was a teenager, but I was allowed to wear for play. The irony is, I grew up to be not so into it and pretty much never wear any as an adult. I then had a 5 boys before having a girl. She doesn't have any makeup to play with at home because I don't have any, but she does play with my mom's at her house and I'm fine with that. If she decides to wear it for real when she's older, my mom will have to teach how to do it, because I don't know how. But that's a long way off anyway.

amother

Turquoise

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 4:21 pm

I like how her wearing makeup is such a problem but it’s totally fine to have her the odd one out.
Imagine yourself as her and you’re the only one that can’t go to this party or you’re the only one that can’t have a PRETEND makeup kit I think you being extreme and very unreasonable!

momlife

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 5:22 pm

I give my daughter makeup every time she is Shabbos mommy! Makes her feel so special Smile

I saw this quote recently:
"If your daughter asks why you're putting on makeup, tell her it's to look fancy...not to look pretty.
Sometimes she'll want to be fancy, but she's always beautiful."

ittsamother

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 5:22 pm

I'm okay with totally fake pretend makeup that you can't actually put anything on, but I would not be ok with putting on real makeup on more than a very rare occasion like a mock wedding or Purim, when it's clear it's specifically for that.
I'm not a fan of makeovers for bdays or sleepovers. I wouldn't do any more than a bit of blush or clear lipgloss for an actual wedding. I don't think little girls should be wearing makeup to school presentations/kg graduations/siddur play, etc.

Aurora

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 6:07 pm

The pretend makeup kits aren't regulated, so no idea what's in them. Not sure what the harm is in letting her play dress up with some cheap makeup.

But also really not ok with makeover parties and things like that.

amother

Khaki

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 6:07 pm

I got my now 6 year old a fake plastic makeup set when she was 2 because she was so jealous of my makeup that I didn’t let her touch. She barely looks at it nowadays.
I do let her wear clear lip gloss and some sparkly blush for shabbos, and at my siblings wedding when the makeup artist had a few extra moments and offered to do her face, I gladly allowed it. Why not? Makes them feel like a princess!!!!

amother

Oleander ↓

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 6:29 pm

amother OP wrote:

Do you wear makeup? Im assuming you do and adult ladies in your circles
(if you are in circles where adults dont wear thats a different story)...

Do you buy your dd toy strollers? Purses and wear your high heels. Then what in the world in wrong with a pretend plastic makeup kit? Shes trying to "be you".
Because thats what you started with, I am concerned you're being extreme.

I live in Lakewood. In. Every. Mainstream. Camp. They are putting a full face of makeup on your dd for mock wedding.
They wear for purim too.

These are girls who are not allowed a stitch of makeup for 8th grade pictures and graduation, never allowed to wear to school, and only extremely subtle makeup for 12th grade pics and graduation. Also, only hair in ponies for all the above!

But camp mock wedding? Purim? Plastic makeup when they are 4? Yes. That is fun.
There is nothing bad.

Now its not the style among my dds friends in Lakewood to have birthday parties or sleepovers so never encountered makeovees. I admit, this activity also rubs me the wrong way,..

however, it really a fun, kosher, CHEAP activity, so really what is rhe hashkofic issue here? Why would I seperate my dd from her peers. Of course wash it off before going in public.

Party "fun" makeup and wearing make-up in public are two totally seperate things.
And plastic makeup?
All this together puts me in camp "you're being extreme "

If you're concerned call your chinuch advisor. I would really hesitate to make this be the thing you make a fuss over and seperate her from her peers without clear guidance. Its really innocuous.

And what will you say when she hears what her cousin in Lakewood had painted on her at her camps mock wedding. LOL.

amother

Ultramarine

Sun, Jul 14 2024, 8:01 pm

Is this a recent thing, makeup at all mock weddings? Cuz when I was in camp 12-15 yrs ago, no one did that.