I hate when people 'compliment' me

amother

Quince

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 10:27 am

[quote="amother Maize"]My DH travels a lot for work and I get this 'compliment' all the time. I don't know how you do it!
It bothers me because I am resentful and I don't have a choice about this and it's very very hard on me. I don't think I'm amazing for doing this, gosh I wish I didn't have to. Id rather not do it and not be "amazing".
It feels different to let's say something else hard that I choose to do and get complimented on.

Similar situation. I do basically everything, as DH is gone for work a lot. Sometimes I do get resentful toward him, especially when I feel he doesn’t notice/acknowledge/appreciate what I do. People frequently make comments to me similar to the above . I smile , say “thanks for the sentiment , but really there is no choice “ and move on. Why should I be upset at people who recognize (some of) all I do ? Sometimes hearing the compliments from others makes me more resentful of lack of that from DH, but that’s a different topic.

zaq ↓

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 4:23 pm

Why the cynicism? Why not take the remarks at face value and assume that the people genuinely admire your ability to do all the things you do? That you resent the necessity of being this "amazing" creature has no bearing on the sincerity of the speakers.

amother

Teal

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 4:36 pm

Basically, keep your compliments for those closest to you - your husband, your kids, where you really know what's happening. Compliment your friends on her sheitel, her dress, in areas where it's simple.
I totally get op, I have friends who are always telling me how amazing it is how my husband helps so much. You have no idea! Like really no idea. I know you mean well but often it's better to keep quiet.

amother

Marigold

Tue, Sep 03 2024, 4:50 pm

I also get annoyed by compliments. Ds is a delightful teen with severe ASD. People assume he's difficult because of his diagnosis. I'm constantly being told that people admire me for taking care of him when in some ways, he's easier than an NT kid.
Also, dh won't do a thing to help. When I ask him to help more, he claims that he's watching my 17-year-old nt kid who doesn't need a baby-sitter.

↑ zaq

Wed, Sep 04 2024, 3:55 am

I tell ya, ya can't win. On this thread a woman gripes because people praise her, on another a woman gripes because they don't. I think I'll move to Mars. Martians don't care one way or another.