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Forum
-> Relationships
-> Simcha Section
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amother
OP
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 Thu, Jul 11 2024, 11:58 am
Hello,
It may seem early, but I feel like I'm late.
This upcoming Purim 2025 is on Friday (taanis esther on Thursday). My son was born on 12 Adar so that would be Wednesday this year.
We live OOT with no siblings from his side near us. BH he has a large family.
My husband really wants to do a Bo Bayom, so that would mean on Wednesday night, and everyone would have to stay for Shabbos... be hosted from Wednesday through Sunday morning (minimum).
Then, in addition to that, we'd have to have them for the Purim Seudah and all of Shabbos. It may not be so bad, since his family DOES NOT drink or get drunk, and neither does mine. I just don't know if all his siblings would want to leave their communities for purim.
I want to do it the week after... Have a bar mitzvah shabbos and Seudah on Sunday. Still the same amount of time needed to put people up, from Thursday night - Monday morning, but at least this way I don't have to host the additional huge purim seudah. But the it won't be Bo Bayom.
WWYD? Any thoughts/advice?
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amother
Tanzanite
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Thu, Jul 11 2024, 12:08 pm
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My son was born on Purim. I knew as soon as he was born that I would NOT make a Purim bar mitzvah. But we're really not makpid on bo bayom. I would do it the week after. Just my opinion!
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Lucky Princess
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Thu, Jul 11 2024, 12:09 pm
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I would do wednesday night. Let them go home after. Its too much of a hassle to host everyone for purim and shabbos.
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amother
Stoneblue
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Thu, Jul 11 2024, 12:12 pm
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I would have a bo bayom seudah with his classmates and rebbes and your shul rav. Then, the next weekend do just Shabbos for everyone else. Hopefully most people can show up on Friday, and those within a couple hpurs driving can leave Motzai Shabbos and the rest on Sunday.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 11 2024, 12:12 pm
I've done bar mitzvas purim week bh. And have been invited to lie purim bar mitzvas. Simchas are beautiful just take a little extra planning.if I'm not mistaken יב אדר this yr is wed like you said which would mean you can make suda tue night and it's bo byom.
Or can do the wed as you mentioned sill not soooo close to purim. It's erev tennis esther.
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groovy1224
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Thu, Jul 11 2024, 12:14 pm
Can you do a small bo bayom affair in your community and then a shabbos/sunday affair the following week?
I personally would not be able to pull off the scenario you describe. If nothing else, I imagine it would be really hard to find people willing to host your OOT family during that week.
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Ruchel
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Thu, Jul 11 2024, 12:54 pm
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I'm imagining megila reading there and everyone dressed up I'd love it
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amother
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Thu, Jul 11 2024, 1:00 pm
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I’ve gone to a Purim BM. They read the megilla and BM meal (maamer) and dancing, and some people brought their costume.
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amother
Tangerine
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Thu, Jul 11 2024, 1:02 pm
I always thought she was a good sport! 
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lamplighter
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Thu, Jul 11 2024, 1:38 pm
I think people want to be home for Purim. Making it over purim is putting a lot of people in a position of feeling obliged but unhappy.
Make something Wednesday for the class and for the family the next shabbos or vice versa.
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amother
Forsythia
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Thu, Jul 11 2024, 1:39 pm
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My cousin’s bar mitzvah was on Purim! It was fun. They held it at the time of a regular Purim seudah, Purim afternoon. We travelled day of because it was under 2 hours awsy
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Elfrida
↓
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Thu, Jul 11 2024, 1:42 pm
If you leave it until the week after Purim, that's three weeks before Pesach, which has its own pressures
Why do people have to stay from Wednesday through Shabbos? Do they live so far away that going home that evening isn't practical? I think most people won't want to spend three days away for a Bar Mitzvah. Anyone living at a distance can just come for Shabbos - whichever Shabbos you decide. People living close enough to come and go can come for everything.
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amother
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Thu, Jul 11 2024, 1:48 pm
Why would you include purim in and make,a five day celebration?
Make suda bo bayom. Extended family can all return to their homes. Only few people grandparents stay on through shabbos
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Elfrida
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Thu, Jul 11 2024, 1:55 pm
A seudah on the day he turns thirteen. (On his birthday.)
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amother
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Thu, Jul 11 2024, 2:11 pm
| Elfrida wrote: | | A seudah on the day he turns thirteen. (On his birthday.) |
Ty! I guess cuz we all make a bm day of turning 13 (more like night b4 cuz Jewish birthday or summer day of) that’s why I never heard of it.
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amother
Amethyst
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Thu, Jul 11 2024, 2:47 pm
Definitely would not host everyone from Wednesday through Sunday. I'm not sure you realize how stressful and expensive that would be. And if I were your neighbor, I would not be up to hosting your sleeping guests for that long. To be honest, my oot relatives wouldn't even be able to stay that long. That's a very long time to go for a Simcha.
We're making a Bar Mitzvah the week before you be"H and I plan on doing the Bo Bayom (which will mainly be his class + relatives, no family friends) Sunday lunch.
Hatzlacha and mazel tov!
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