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Forum -> Relationships -> Manners & Etiquette

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amother

OP ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:49 am

My MIL is a complicated person and our relationship is complicated but she is very generous. Recently dh mentioned to her how we were going away for shabbos and didn't have a pack n play so we had to borrow. We slept at their house on Sunday night and she very excitedly told me that she got us a pack n play... off of Facebook Marketplace. She loves getting stuff from there, which is totally fine but I was a little uncomfortable to take a pack n play from there especially because I didn't see the post, meet the person, see their house... that all makes a difference to how comfortable I would feel with using something from a stranger. I know she meant well and wanted to do us a favor but I think it's a little socially off to get someone else something second hand without knowing if they're okay with it. I don't think it crossed her mind cuz she doesn't care at all and she's not always so socially aware. We took it home but I don't know if I'll end up using it. It's in decent condition but not super clean and idk how grossed out I should be by that. What's your take?

amother

Birch

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:51 am

amother OP wrote:

Packn plays are one thing that I would never buy used because you can't really wash the mattress. How can you be sure that the previous kid never pished on it or vomited on it

amother

Pansy ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:51 am

I’d throw it out.

amother

Aster

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:54 am

I would assume she meant well
I would give it to a gemach
I would buy my own

amother

Chicory ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 8:54 am

amother Birch wrote:

Packn plays are one thing that I would never buy used because you can't really wash the mattress. How can you be sure that the previous kid never pished on it or vomited on it

Off topic,
Why wouldn’t you write “peed in it” rather than “pished” which sounds like a gross word?

amother

Heather

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 9:15 am

I would use soap and water and wash it really well and put it out to dry in the sun.
Spray lysol and/or febreeze and leave in the sun until dry.
I don't see why it can't be clean.

amother

↑ Pansy ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 9:18 am

amother Chicory wrote:

Off topic,
Why wouldn’t you write “peed in it” rather than “pished” which sounds like a gross word?

She finds peed more gross. Why do you find any gross? It’s all the same thing. Everyone has preferences what’s the big deal.

amother

Jetblack

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 9:27 am

I would give it a good scrub and let it dry under the sun and use it.
(And thank my mil)

amother

Candycane

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 9:31 am

Pack and plays are hard to thoroughly clean. I would thank her and throw it out or give it away.

amother

Camellia

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 9:31 am

amother Chicory wrote:

Off topic,
Why wouldn’t you write “peed in it” rather than “pished” which sounds like a gross word?

How is peed less gross than pished?

icedcoffee ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 9:34 am

Idk, I live in an area with a really robust buy nothing for moms, so people are always gifting pack n plays, cribs, mattresses, etc. As long as it looks fine, I'd give it a clean and be really happy to have scored it. I put my own sheets on it anyway. Is your question about your MIL or using the item? If it's the former, obviously just express your thanks/appreciation and then do whatever you want with it. If it's the latter, I'd personally use it. My entire nursery is from buy nothing.

amother

Calendula

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 9:35 am

amother Chicory wrote:

Off topic,
Why wouldn’t you write “peed in it” rather than “pished” which sounds like a gross word?

Weird response. I find the word peed more gross

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 9:39 am

I know she meant well and I definitely thanked her for it.
I'll probably keep it as a backup and buy my own
Do you think it was a social misstep on her part to buy a second hand item for someone else?

amother

Bone

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 9:41 am

My mil got me second hand things including a stroller from her esthetician. I was so grateful. Looked worn, but clean. I washed it well and used it for many years.

Meanwhile my sil is insulted and calls her socially off because mil got her kids clothing from children's place.

Everyone has their own view.

mummiedearest ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 9:46 am

I think it’s nice. And if you’re willing to use it as a backup, you’re willing to use it. You can clean it with soap and water and hose it down if you want. You can also get a better mattress brand new for approx $30 if you don’t like the board mattress. Use the original mattress for structure under the new one. You won’t find a new pack n play for $30, so it’s a savings anyway. Thank her for it. From now on, let her know if you are looking for any baby stuff cheap. Sounds like she’d love being your personal secondhand shopper, so let her.

Nicer mattress, more comfy: https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d.....title

amother

Amber

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 9:50 am

It all depends on who she is and who you are. If you're both relaxed about stuff like that, and or both the same particular about things, why not enjoy her help. If she doesn't understand your particulars, then she would be oblivious, not necessarily socially off.

Would I use a used one? Only if I knew the house it came from was up to my standards.

amother

Babypink ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 10:10 am

Your mil did nothing wrong and you sound a bit judgy calling her socially off. Maybe she is, but it's more likely that what you see as socially off because it's not customary for you and your pals is 100% accepted by her generation. In any event, once someone gives you something, it's yours to do with as you please. Use it, disinfect it, give it away or use it for kindling, but don't badmouth a person who was only looking to help you out.

amother

Wine ↓

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 10:11 am

I wouldn't think twice about it. I would spray it with lysol and let it air out. It will kill any germs. I think you're just worried about imaginary cooties. Why are germs from a family you know better than germs from a family you don't? And what do you thinknyour child could catch from a used pack n play? I've never heard of any actual safety issues from getting a used pack n play.

When I needed to send pack n plays to playgroup, I got used ones. They worked just as well as new.

zaq

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 10:12 am

You can always scrub the frame, disinfect with Lysol, and buy a new mattress.

↑ icedcoffee

Mon, Jul 08 2024, 10:17 am

amother OP wrote:

Do you think it was a social misstep on her part to buy a second hand item for someone else?

Non-rhetorical question, why are you asking this? Are you looking for advice about talking to her about not doing it again? Are you wondering about whether you should buy secondhand for someone yourself?

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