Cost of bar mitzvah

amother

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:34 pm

We making a bar mitzvah!
Bh!
First one
I'm trying to understand if the amount we paying is normal or totally off.
I can't believe it's costing so so much.

Pls chime in and tell me where I can cut corners

We live NY.

night - 100 people - cheapest per plate is 48. = 4800
Hall 1200
Music 1200
Invitation 200
Bencher 100
Total 7300
Shabbos Kiddush- 2000
Making meals myself only having parents and in laws

Plus boy hat clothes tefilin etc

It's coming out ALOT
is this the normal!? I can't think of Anything I can do less

amother

Tulip ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:45 pm

no photographer?
no centerpieces or flowers?
no charge for waitstaff?

we just made a simple bar mitzvah.
We had 200 people bh, but it felt small.
I had a beginner for music, a beginner for photographer, simple buffet dinner, paper goods, no fancy desserts or meats, and it came to many thousands

believe me when I say, it was NOT fancy.
the shul we used required us pay for a mashgiach and a security guard, so our cost was closer to $2000 for the hall

simchas are expensive

the only way to cut the cost, is to do it by yourself in your own home (which I’ve done a few times, but I couldn’t pull it off this time)

amother

Indigo ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:45 pm

I'm not in NY, so I can't really compare prices. But for us, the bo Bayom was much much cheaper. We also had less than 70 people there; it was really focused on the boys and not my friends. However, our Shabbos Kiddush and meals for all the relatives cost a lot lot more than $2000.

If you truly want to cut costs, I'd say pick one event and stick with that. Either the bo Bayom or the Shabbos.
Also, if you do e-invitations, you can save the $200. And if you really want to cut, I'm sure you can find a teenage boy to play keyboard for a lot less than $1200.

Hatzlacha!
Our bar Mitzvah last year definitely ended costing more than I expected. For our next one, Im going to try to be more careful.

amother

↑ Indigo

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:47 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

200 people is not a simple event, no matter what food you're serving. That's like on par with a small wedding. Unless your husband is a rav or something like that, most people have no need to invite so many.

amother

Cantaloupe

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

it's been 5.5 yrs since I made a bar mitzvah but pretty sure there is some cutting down you can do. it might be too late if you're reserved though...
Some halls are included in price (ex, Chaim berlin, markaz hasimcha). So if you're paying $48 a plate (5.5 years ago it wasn't that high, I can't imagine it's that high now), there isn't an additional hall fee.
you can do benchers yourself through a printer instead of a bencher place.
kiddush can probably be simpler.... how many people?
but yeah, BH for simchos!!! and yes, it does add up!

amother

Yarrow

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 8:56 pm

I would do buffet and just order pans from a grocery store or caterer. Would be much cheaper that way.

Also agree that you can find a beginner for much less for music.

Many people just print a simple one-page bentcher (lamination optional) and put on tables. More like $20 than $100.

I'd do an e-invite as well, no need for printed unless you need to print a few for relatives.

The Shabbos kiddush should also be doable for a lot less than $2,000. I don't know what's done in your community, but I would be very surprised to hear that everyone is putting in that much. You really don't need decor for a kiddush!

There are no shortcuts for Tefillin, I wouldn't cut corners on something used every day that is known to have an impact on Yiras Shomayim. Better splurge there if anywhere. Ours are costing $3,000.

If your son is not perfectly responsible with his belongings, get a tracker (Tile, AirTag) and attach it to his Tefillin bag. It's great insurance!

Buy one good suit ($150) and for the rest use Boytique. He's not really old enough to need or take care of really fancy clothing! Even cheap shoes will look good for the day of the Bar Mitzvah, no need to invest in something long-lasting.

amother

Hotpink

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

I'm in the business in Brooklyn.
If you can't find where to cut then you have very high standards. Sorry to be blunt.
If you make it in a hall that does catering and don't upgrade everything on the menu, the hall and catering should be less than $4800.
Even with some upgrades it should be less. And if you can't find an all-in-one at least find a cheaper hall. A hall for $1200 is expensive.
You're not having a photographer?
Skip bentchers. Most people don't take and you'll be left with most of them

amother

↑ Tulip ↓

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:21 pm

amother Indigo wrote:

actually, my husband is a not a rav, but he is something like that, and in community leadership in hadracha.
this is not NY/Lakewood and this is probably the cheapest hall around here.
about 100 people were family (our siblings and their children kah)
it was a simple event. no fancy stuff.
super super simple meal.
only had the photographer for a short time because I didn’t want to pay for a lot of hours.
trays from a caterer. no plated dinner. no party favors.

parties are expensive.
there are a lot of pieces and all those pieces cost money. I got tablecloths from a gemach and borrowed cloth napkins from a friend. digital invitations

you can keeps costs lower, but there are still plenty of costs.

amother

↑ Tulip

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 9:24 pm

amother Cantaloupe wrote:

catering is a lot more now.
my brother made a chassunah in brooklyn in spring 2021. I made a chassunah in brooklyn in march 2022. about 9 months apart. same hall, same caterer was charging 35% more. Price had gone from $32-45+ for the same product.