My son needs to learn respect

amother

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 12:43 am

My 7 yo (my oldest) is a good boy generally but sometimes when we're out he's a nightmare. If he's bored he'll mess about e.g.at Drs or shops and he won't listen when I tell him to stop. Our hosts yesterday asked him to stop playing with a ball inside and he anwered back and kept on doing it over and over. I can't understand how he can be so chutzpah to an adult. I was so embarrassed.

I'm thinking of doing 123 magic. Or does anyone have any other parenting techniques to help promote listening and respect?

imasinger

Sun, Jul 07 2024, 6:34 am

From your description, it sounds like you're generally doing a fine job, since most of the time, you say he's a good boy.

The few things you might consider tweaking are:

- Know his limits. Don't drag him out on too many errands, or expect him to sit too long in a doctor's waiting room, without help. Bring food or extra distractions to pull out for those situations where you absolutely have no other choice but to demand his cooperation beyond his current ability. Giving direction (what you CAN do) works better than making demands to stop an undesirable behavior, without offering alternatives. Teach him games you can play together quietly, like Geography, or making silly rhymes, or asking him to explain how to do something he likes (diablo, a sport, etc). Focus on helping him find something that works. If you're visiting a friend, and they ask him to stop playing with a ball inside, you want to have 2 or 3 alternative choices to pull out right away, and tell him to pick one. (This works better than merely describing the choices.)

- Know and evaluate the reasons for each misbehavior. The most common come under the acronym HALT -- hungry, angry, lonely, tired. Is he seeking attention? Is he bored? Is he being forced to do something when he's already had a full day?

- Don't be afraid to put in an appropriate logical consequence. Time outs don't really work so well outside of home. If I were at a friend's and my kid started misbehaving, I'd say, "I think it's time for us to leave, I'm sorry", and head for the door. If I were with him at an appointment I might ask a receptionist how much longer, and if we could take a quick walk before we'd be called. If the misbehaving continued, I might offer a carrot and a stick for staying (if you sit quietly, you can have ____ afterwards, and/or, if you make trouble, you won't be allowed to play outside for the rest of the day); or even reschedule a routine appointment if necessary.