Do I need to accommodate everything

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Forum -> Relationships -> Simcha Section

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amother

OP ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:09 pm

If I invite friends and relatives from abroad or OOT is it expected that I arrange everything for them for the duration of the stay?

Like, I have a kiddush and a dinner on Sunday.
Do I need to arrange shabbos lunch and seuda shlishit, Sunday breakfast and lunch for them?

Or can I expect them to figure it out? Is it a part of inviting OOT guests to organize their meals for the whole stay?

I cannot host everyone in my home. I can find hosts for people for lunch and seuda 3.

Can I expect them to figure it out on Sunday till it’s time for the festive meal?

There was a BM in my community recently where they rented another space for lunch and seuda 3 and I cannot imagine providing my guests with the same…

amother

Navyblue

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:11 pm

I think the right thing is to arrange it especially if they are coming in for your simcha.

amother

Powderblue

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:13 pm

I think it’s expected for you to provide meals on shabbos. I don’t think you have to provide lunch on Sunday unless there’s no pizza store in your city

simcha12plus

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:14 pm

yes. if you bring in people for shabbos, you have to provide for them. Otherwise, when you find them a place for hosting, you can ask the hosts if they can have them for meals.

amother

Blonde

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:17 pm

amother OP wrote:

Are you arranging accommodations for them? Or are they staying at hotels/airbnbs?
If you are arranging for them to stay at neighbors, etc then yes you need to provide Fri night meal, shabbos lunch, and seuda 3, especially with these long shabbosim and they will need proper dinner on shabbos day.
Regarding Sunday, you can give the hostesses a to fo breakfast of pastires and coffee packets if that's easier for you and I think they can figure out Sunday lunch if it's too hard for you.

Traveling for a Simcha is not easy, even if one is willing to happily do it to share in the Simcha, but if their staying in others home you can't expect them to feed themselves.

If you are not up to hosting a proper shabbos and feeding your guests, please don't invite them

teachkids

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:18 pm

I think you need to tell people ahead what will or won’t be arranged so they can prepare appropriately, and don’t be insulted if people decide not to come

mommyhood

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:26 pm

I only send a bo bayom invitation to non local friends and family, no kiddush information unless I’m planning on hosting them for the whole Shabbos. If you don’t want to host just make it clear whether you aren’t interested in putting people up before they start booking tickets. I tell my not driving distance friends that I’m sending an invitation becaue I couldn’t imagine excluding them but I don’t expect them to shlep in. If you do want them there for the kiddush then you need to feed them for Shabbos, not necessarily Sunday but there’s a good chance they’ll end up in your house then either way if they don’t have anywhere else to be.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:29 pm

Okay got it

Some people could figure it out I guess and some will end up in our home anyway, like our parents.

amother

Broom

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:39 pm

In both sides of my family, bal simcha made aufruf for their son recently. They both did not provide sleeping accommodations or seudas to the guests. I live in Williamsburg. I went with my family to bp, only joined the kiddush. Sleeping and eating seudas I made diff arrangements, by another family. One sib from wmsbg walked in with entire family to BP, shabbos morn, took 3 hrs, and still was not invited for meal by bal simcha, found other arrangements. It was a surprise. Other sib from monsey, father and 3 boys slept and ate by diff family member and only joined kiddush.
The seudas they only provided for their own children, single and married, grandparents, and mechutanim. In their own home.

Other family member did not provide any meals at all, not for grandparents and not mechetunim not living in same neighborhood. Only had own children, single and married in their home. They live in wmsbg. Simcha was before Pesach. The family members that don't live in wmsbg and live in BP or monsey did not come in to simcha at all. They can't be insulted if they don't provide sleep and food. Local ones, only went to a minimal kiddush that follow takanas, so women got little pareve cake, that it. Plain simple nothing fancy like kokosh and cookies type. Not even cheesecake.

amother

Hosta

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:43 pm

Whatever you do, communicate clearly and early.

I would be really upset if I traveled in for your event and you didn't arrange everything. On the other hand, if I get the feeling that it's not necessary, I'm happy to stay home and just come on Sunday evening.

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 5:48 pm

amother Hosta wrote:

The kidush is morr for locals and the meal is more for OOT people even though I get it that some people will have to come on Friday to participate on Sunday evening.

I think it is doable but it’s nice to have a confirmation so I could plan accordingly.

lamplighter

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 6:14 pm

Is your event on shabbos or Sunday?
Are people coming from out of town for shabbos?

If people are coming for your simcha on shabbos then you are expected to arrange the meals for them. If there are places to buy food, then Sunday you can technically get away with IF you clearly communicate that.

amother

Cerulean

Sun, Jun 30 2024, 6:21 pm

I think if you are providing accommodation, then it's expected you are hosting and also providing meals.
If they are able to stay with other family/friends, then they are able to have somewhere to eat the rest of their meals and you don't need to provide for them.
I have 2 sils who live OOT near their parents. When they come for a simcha, one has her inlaws that she can stay with and can eat meals with, the other has no other family and I need to provide for them.

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