By collecting tzedaka you're raising everyone's standards!

amother

↑ Crystal ↓

Wed, Jun 26 2024, 7:05 pm

evi wrote:

What do you consider cheap? Was it a polyester blend? If yes, that's what I mean and those are pretty bad at least in my experience.

I agree that the really cheap sets can feel like sandpaper, but there's something in between sandpaper and brocade.

I just checked a Jewish linen website and I see some very nice choices for around 200 to 300.

amother

↑ Amaranthus

Wed, Jun 26 2024, 7:21 pm

amother Crystal wrote:

Why does one need to spend 200 or 300 for it to be decent? Why are we having such high standards that when those rip after a few years they go into debt because nothing else will pass muster. If you are used to $300 sheets you can't easily switch to lower.
You can get decent for $50 or less! And no they don't feel like sandpaper but they aren't silk or 5 star either.

The fancy sheets don't last a long time. I have a set from target (not the absolute cheapest but still cheaper than $50) that lasted me a decade with daily use and me not washing gently or anything. And guess what? When I am asleep I don't know what style or color my sheets are.

Cheiny

Wed, Jun 26 2024, 7:34 pm

amother Rainbow wrote:

I hugged and liked your post because I agreed with what you said just not how you said it

My motto is, if someone is desperate enough to be “begging” for something, which the Torah recognizes as embarrassing (as do most people), then they obviously need it for whatever reason. It’s important enough to them that they are willing to ask for handouts or accept them. I have no issue helping someone who needs something that badly, even if I don’t understand why it’s important to them

The only tzedaka I have an issue with (and still donate to) are the countless campaigns for widows and their families. People, especially parents, need to start being responsible and getting life insurance. It drives me crazy that so many people are too irresponsible to plan for their death and instead rely on charity from their communities that could otherwise be going towards other organizations or families, ones that couldn’t have so easily prevented needing those funds

So you feel if the niftar for whatever reason didn’t have life insurance, you should punish the surviving spouse by not donating anything?

↑ jd1212

Wed, Jun 26 2024, 9:53 pm

Cheiny wrote:

So you feel if the niftar for whatever reason didn’t have life insurance, you should punish the surviving spouse by not donating anything?

"The only tzedaka I have an issue with (and still donate to) are the countless campaigns for widows and their families"

She specified she still gives.

amother

↑ Slateblue ↓

Wed, Jun 26 2024, 10:08 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

Yes, I just bought very nice all cotton sheets in lovely colors for less than $50. Why would I spend more when less is more than good enpigh?

amother

Camellia

Wed, Jun 26 2024, 11:07 pm

amother Amaranthus wrote:

Sorry but I still sleep on target brand sheets, don't have bedroom furniture sets (I have mattresses, no bedframe or headboard), don't have matching dressers- one at least was second hand I rented a truck to pick up.

It isn't nebby as no one should know what sheets you have! Or be in your bedroom to know your furniture status!
Why should people get fancy brand names when they won't last any longer? 2 different brands of plates don't last different amounts of time.

I believe in making sure families have dishes, socks, a shabbos outfit, basic food to eat etc.
But when we up it to 4 shabbos outfits, red meat, China dishes, Bosch mixers... then the middle class get squeezed and there isn't enough for everyone. Because the middle class now need help for these extras.

1000000%

amother

↑ Crystal ↓

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 12:18 am

amother Slateblue wrote:

Yes, I just bought very nice all cotton sheets in lovely colors for less than $50. Why would I spend more when less is more than good enpigh?

They're talking about a set. Two fitted sheets, duvet covers, and pillowcases.

So at $50 for two sheets, plus pillowcases and duvet covers added, that easily adds up to 150 to 200 dollars. So that's the cheapest really.

And completely off topic, but I'm looking for light blue cotton fitted sheets and haven't found anything under $70. Can you link?

amother

↑ Crystal ↓

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 12:23 am

amother Amaranthus wrote:

$200 a SET, not a sheet. And they have $100 to $150 options as well. This includes two sheets, pillowcases, and duvet covers.

Like I said, I still use the set I bought over 10 years ago, so I haven't checked recently, and I don't know how the $50 to $80 sets feel. If they feel coarse, it MAY pay to spend a little more for a better quality set.

And it's not about cotton or polyester, it's about the thread count. Under 200 can feel rough, 200 is better and 300 is even better.

amother

↑ Slateblue

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 6:39 am

amother Crystal wrote:

Oh, I am talking a set as in 2 sheets and a pillowcase.

I get these when they go on sale:) they are running low on colors, now, but this loght blue is gorgeous! https://www.macys.com/shop/pro.....04859

They are 550 thread count and the damask stripe makes them look quite fancy!

I don't buy matching duvet cover - I like variety lol.

amother

Lightgray ↓

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 6:50 am

amother Crystal wrote:

https://a.co/d/0dnPt9PH

Where have you been looking?

I’ve been using these sheets for over 2 years now, very soft and still in great condition

amother

↑ Lightgray ↓

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 6:58 am

amother Maize wrote:

The problem with this is that in some communities it becomes normalized to reach out to organizations. The embarrassment factor is then reduced.

I actually have the reverse thought as you. I have issues with the organizations providing luxuries as necessities but don't have issues with the lack of life insurance. Generally people don't have it because they can't afford it. Life is already so expensive and folks are struggling to make ends meet. Even a small term life insurance payment is not doable. When you are scrambling to put food on yhe table there isn't an extra dollar for much else. Lack of life insurance isn't about not being responsible, it's about our lifestyle not being affordable for the average family.

I disagree. We signed up when we were young and between the two of us pay about $70 a month.
I pay it every single month.
Money is so tight, many months I need to our basic food on the credit card. But life insurance is non negotiable,

amother

↑ Lightgray ↓

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 7:04 am

amother Rainbow wrote:

I’m horrified by this. Just sick to my stomach.
B”H I don’t know about this, but if I ever did Chas vshalom, I do know that while we do have life insurance that we pay diligently every single month, it’s going to be nowhere near enough.
We live very frugal, DH doesn’t make a lot of money, but my one part time income for the rest of my kids lives (even if at some point It does get to full time) would not be enough to support our frugal family.

amother

↑ Crystal ↓

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 7:14 am

amother Slateblue wrote:

This is really nice, thank you for linking.

amother

Snowdrop

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 7:14 am

amother Peachpuff wrote:

You did the right thing. The mishna states it is better to not take tzedakah in order to make [Shabbos] fancy. You should be proud and society should applaud you.

I agree with the OPs premise. The city where I live gives hachnosas kallah to the nth degree. While it's certainly beautiful, it does 100% raise the standards of the community.

So do seminary funds for seminary in Israel. Really, the wealthy girls should go to seminary because they can afford it. When the poor girls get to go to, the middle class asks why should we stay home? It's so sad to spend so much money on something that is so unnecessary for most people. And now that everyone wants to go, instead of just those who can afford it, it creates competition and rejection and hurt where there used to be none.

If you can't afford the luxuries, you should not get them. Seminary is a luxury. A bosch is a luxury. 900 thread count Egyptian cotton sheets are luxury.

I disagree that seminary is a luxury, seminary changed my life. girls yiddishkite is important too and its important for girls to have passion and be inspired to live a Torah life.

amother

Gray

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 7:20 am

I was at a fundraiser for almonos and they said they send a piece of jewelry to every woman before every yuntif and lots of other caring touches. They then mentioned how large their budget was (in the millions per year) … I thought about how many women who were at that fundraiser themselves couldn’t afford a gift of jewlery at every yuntif and how maybe while we all have tremendous rachmanus on the women maybe we need to have sensitivity to the klal at large. I understand sending matzahs and money for simchas and tefillin and other more practical stuff but flowers and jewelry for every single yuntif seemed to me a bit over the top

amother

↑ Crystal ↓

Thu, Jun 27 2024, 7:21 am

amother Lightgray wrote:

https://a.co/d/0dnPt9PH

Where have you been looking?

I’ve been using these sheets for over 2 years now, very soft and still in great condition

I was looking in Target, as I like to see what I'm buying. But the cheapest I saw was around 32-35 dollars a sheet.

I was also looking on Amazon, but I couldn't find something nice, thanks for linking.