When to just accept it

amother

OP ↓

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 1:51 pm

If a kid struggles with something in school, you got as much therapy/ help as possible and it’s still an issue. At what point can you say we just need to accept this weakness and work with it instead of trying to make it go away? I feel like we spent too many years trying to cure it and we are just reaching dead ends. Isn’t it best for them to learn to live with the weakness since it seems to be here for life? When I said this to the school they said it’s not fair for me to not continue try to fix it. Kid is burnt out and it’s a lot of time, energy and money. I really feel letting them find a way to work with it instead of get rid of it is the best solution here. Any thoughts or experience?

mummiedearest ↓

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 2:18 pm

Yes. At some point we are what we are. Your child will get the message that something is wrong with him if you push it beyond what he can handle. He may come up with his own coping mechanism or just (for example) be bad at a subject. Failure can be a positive thing. I like to let teachers know when there are struggles, but at a certain point I ask that they not intervene/give extra support. I want my kids to fail a little when they have to and make their own decisions after those failures. It’s important for them to gain confidence this way.

If you and your child are done, be done. You can take a break and revisit it later. Keep the conversation open with your child. Don’t ask the school’s opinion.

amother

DarkGray

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 2:34 pm

First of all therapy isn't a cure. Neither is medication. They are tools to deal with a situation or symptom. My oldest is in the spectrum and as much as her therapist want her to stop stimming, it's not going to happen. She can work on controlling when she does it if she makes a big effort but it's hard for her. My son flaps his hands. My daughter clasps them together. They can't really control it. My husband does it too. As a woman from the board of education told me, we can continue ot for one of my children but it can only do some much (I think her handwriting is fine but her teachers dont).

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 2:41 pm

amother Latte wrote:

I think it depends on what it is?

Why would matter? Which things can’t be ignored and which must be fixed?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 2:44 pm

Kid is doing well overall minus some struggles. School would like continued help. I feel we need to give more leeway let mistakes happen and let child find solutions. Kid is 11. I feel like it’s time for them to be responsible and figure out how to be the best them without so much input. Kid is also ready to drop all help and see how it goes. I’m pushing hard but just wanted to get input to see if I’m right about convincing school.

↑ mummiedearest

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 2:53 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why would matter? Which things can’t be ignored and which must be fixed?

We can only fix what is broken, and those fixes will never be perfect. Your child is not broken.

Some things are developmental delays, and support helps until development kicks in.

Some things are inabilities that cannot be changed.

Some things are just brain differences and have corresponding strengths.

Some things are schools that want cookie cutter kids or teachers who are themselves incapable.

Some things are our societal expectations of kids to be able to spend the majority of their day sitting and listening when children are not meant to be doing that.

If there are skills your child can gain now that will make life better later and s/he will not get the message that s/he is broken, it’s good to continue. If it’s causing harm, let it be.

amother

↑ Latte

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 3:07 pm

amother OP wrote:

Why would matter? Which things can’t be ignored and which must be fixed?

Like if a kid can't read?

amother

↑ OP

Fri, Jun 21 2024, 3:10 pm

amother Latte wrote:

Like if a kid can't read?

Right I hear that. Not such serious issues. It’s not affecting overall academic performance. Kid is doing very well academic wise. Class work can use improvement, like filling out things, not losing things etc..