This Tough Challenge is Making Me Rethink Everything

amother

Maroon

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 7:04 pm

I'm feeling so sorry for you Op. Hashem will pay back those that hurt you. Unfortunately their are corrupt people everywhere in the whole U.S in the whole world. People with power, abusing their power. This is hard it effecting your health. Stay strong! How can you possibly see anything else but the absolute negative.

I wish there was a rebbetzin on here,a therapist, a woman "Askon," that can sound the alarm. There has to be a gentler way to deal with problems. A family doesn't have to go through a man-made crisis. Bully made crisis

amother

Olive

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 7:10 pm

Its unfortunately extremely not uncommon that some people running some schools and some large donors and assorted staff who send to certain schools are not skilled at being mentschen. Btdt. So, just accept that there are people with major issues. And they were wrong to act the way they did. Its really difficult to stick it out but doable. We have chosen to avoid and not talk to people like that while children finished school in these places. They still have their friends and some teachers who will be good. Sometimes if there is an equally good option you switch, but if there isn't, you learn to deal with bullies. Bh you are a strong unit at home.

amother

Dustypink

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 7:19 pm

You're feeling really really hurt and that's to be expected. It hurts real bad. Having this happen hurts. That doesn't mean you BELIEVE differently. It means you're hurting real bad just like anyone who would've went through your situation would be.

amother

Calendula

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 8:11 pm

That sounds beyond tough and traumatic. I think getting a few sessions of therapy can help you process through it. It’s not healthy to be so angry, although of course it is understandable!

amother

Lotus

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 8:31 pm

More and more people live with in our community but scoff at norms. The numbers keep growing for exactly the reason that you explained. Even those that work so hard to stay within the guidelines and always choose the “right and aubscribing” side get hurt. The other half of the population is rebellious.

Our community legit does not cater to a single soul.

FYI you had to hear the REBBETZIN in my class open a mouth on my principals. And she was the golden child.

amother

Lotus

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 8:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

If I'm being completely honest with you, yes I wish you would say that.

Better yet, I wish Hashem would say that, and make it clear who's right and who's wrong.

I'm angry and I want justice. I want a certain person who hurt us intentionally and without mercy to feel everything I felt.

I can’t say I have felt your anger, but believe me I had enough rage to burn the streets down. Pray that God should help you. Help you recover after whatever was done. Help your children be whatever you want them to be, and help you. Channel your prayers toward building yourself up despite the hurt vs bringing the other down.

It’s going to help you emotionally.

About knowing what’s right or wrong, I’m pretty sure this is the hardest Nissayon today. I don’t believe in widespread frum beliefs. I was faced with a choice: or I believe it and I opt out, or I choose to say they are wrong and remain frum. I literally do not know who’s right. Just that the alternative gives me absolutely no incentive to stay frum,

ShishKabob

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 8:38 pm

Hugs op! Many people get where you are coming from.
It really really hurts.
We have to remember that we should do the right thing despite the fact that others in power don't do the right thing. It's because we are here to serve Hashem, we are not here to serve people.
It's a tough call. Please put your faith in Hashem, not in people.
Hope you work it out with yourself and come to a peaceful livable and manageable solution.

Thisisnotmyreal

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 1:49 am

I'd feel the same way.

The Rebbe has a whole list of advice of what to do in different challenging situations. When faced with medical decisions get a second opinion, and the doctors should be personal friends. When you have any doubts, ask a friend that is a expert in that field.

Just so you know, about Hanhola, the Rebbe says, say tehillim. Personally, I see this to mean that when it comes to dealing with Hanhola, that's it you can do. It's almost a lost cause. You can say tehillim and see if a miracle will happen. I find this so validating. These people running schools can get very power hungry and seem to have zero capacity for compassion, decency, or common sense. They can be predictably unreasonable.

I would recommend a visit to the Rebbe's ohel to ask for a Bracha for your children's education. Hatzlacha Rabba.

amother

Acacia

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 2:04 am

Homeschool your kids, no kid should have to suffer abuse in school, verbal and emotional abuse is abuse too.
Be kind to yourself, it's okay to have the feelings you are having.

amother

Cognac

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 7:36 pm

amother Acacia wrote:

Homeschool your kids, no kid should have to suffer abuse in school, verbal and emotional abuse is abuse too.
Be kind to yourself, it's okay to have the feelings you are having.

Yep. Homeschooling was my first thought, too.

https://www.nigrijewishonlineschool.com/ is also an option - and you don't have to be Chabad to join, either.

amother

Almond

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 8:02 pm

Have you ever read the book “your awesome self”? I would highly recommend. This is a book about reclaiming your emotions and your as your own. Written by a frum lady.
I’m sorry you’re going through this it’s so tough!

amother

Melon

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 8:23 pm

amother Mulberry wrote:

Another reason why you can’t pay me enough to live in Lakewood. Try a new community that is more open minded and the principals don’t play gd

Huh? Op never said she lives in Lakewood. For the record, I grew up in monsey and had a vile principal who destroyed my childhood. It’s not a Lakewood thing.

amother

Birch

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 8:32 pm

amother Mulberry wrote:

Another reason why you can’t pay me enough to live in Lakewood. Try a new community that is more open minded and the principals don’t play gd

What makes you think OP lives in Lakewood?

There are the same problems everywhere. Wherever there are people, there are people problems.

amother

Mulberry

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 9:25 pm

amother Birch wrote:

What makes you think OP lives in Lakewood?

There are the same problems everywhere. Wherever there are people, there are people problems.

True, it may not be Lakewood. Just my guess. OP can clarify if this is indeed Lakewood.

amother

Thu, Jun 20 2024, 9:50 pm

amother Mulberry wrote:

True, it may not be Lakewood. Just my guess. OP can clarify if this is indeed Lakewood.

Nope, not Lakewood.

Unfortunately homeschooling is not remotely an option.