Do you name after grandparents you didn't know?

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 8:08 am

My DH has a complicated relationship with his mother. His mother's father passed away when he was pretty young and the family lived far away so he didn't really get to see him much.

We are having a baby boy soon iyH and it would make logical sense to name after this grandfather in the usual order of things, plus none of his siblings named after him yet.

But DH doesn't really know anything about this grandather, I asked him what he was like and he said he doesn't really know. I don't think he's super invested in naming after so it's more up to me if I want to encourage him that we should do it (otherwise we would pick a name we like/ based on time of year etc)

Just trying to figure out what I should do here

B'Syata D'Shmya

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 8:19 am

Wait till the baby is born. You will have more clarity then.
B'shaah tova...davening for an easy delivery and healthy mother n child.

amother

Wine

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 8:24 am

You need to pick a name that you like.
It's beautiful to name after a non living relative that one was close to, had a good relationship with or knows about them. , something your husband does not seemm to have with this grandfather
If your husband has no feelings for this name why force him into it just to make his mother happy?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 8:27 am

amother Impatiens wrote:

do you like the name? does dh like the name?
if yes, why not use it?
if not, use something else.

We're both neutral about the name itself

Ruchel

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 8:37 am

I name after people we don't know
Not people we have a bad relationship with
I don't think we've had the dilemma tho but we reflected for later

amother

Teal

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 8:43 am

We did it for a middle name. It was DH's grandparent who he didn't really know. DH didn't feel strongly but we had named after my side already and I wanted to be fair, plus it made my in-laws happy.

amother

↑ OP

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 8:44 am

amother Teal wrote:

We did it for a middle name. It was DH's grandparent who he didn't really know. DH didn't feel strongly but we had named after my side already and I wanted to be fair, plus it made my in-laws happy.

Hmmm maybe I would do it as a middle name.

It's already a double name though so maybe just the first of the two names. Is there a point in that?

amother

Dimgray

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 8:52 am

amother OP wrote:

I have never met any of my grandparents. Of course I named after them? And greatgrandparents too

honey36

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 9:08 am

Yes, of course.

Try to find out whatever you can about the grandfather from family members who knew him/have heard stories about it. It's actually so nice to hear about this info. Even if it's something as simple as- he made sure his kids went to a frum school or had some sort of Jewish upbringing/Jewish identity- even that was not so simple 60-70 years ago.

My grandfather didn't know too much, but did make sure to send his kids to jewish school. His brother just chose not too- too expensive or whatever. Great uncles kids are now all assimilated RL, while our family are mostly all frum BH.

zaq

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 2:36 pm

Just because your grandmother lived on another continent and you never met her is no reason to deprive her and your mom or dad of the nachas of your naming a child for her. She was your mom or dad's mother, and they presumably knew her. That's good enough. And what about all those people who name kids for rabbanim they never met?

amother

Scarlet

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 4:13 pm

Maybe ask someone in the Torah world that you would trust their guidance.
Our Rav said better for us to name after someone who we know about their life from the Torah/tanach versus a great great relative that we know the name and nothing about the person. So that’s what we did. Bshaa tova umutzlachat!

amother

Mulberry

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 4:15 pm

Of course
It was my husbands grandfather that died when my husband was little and of course we used the name. We used my great grandmother’s name that we never met. It’s family! Why do u have to meet them to name after them?

amother

Cherry

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 4:21 pm

3/4 of dh’s grandparents died when he was young and his parents didn’t have any more kids at that point. Of course we named after the grandparents even though dh didn’t know them but his parents were able to tell us about them. I don’t think I would name if no one could tell me anything about the person I was naming after.

amother

Maize

Wed, Jun 19 2024, 4:58 pm

Of course. That is, if you want to. Totally up to you if you would rather choose a different name that's significant to you, that's also fine, but no reason not to name just because your husband didn't know them.

In fact, when I got married I looked into the names of all my husband's grandparents to see if there were any I liked for future kids, lol. My husband did not feel strongly about naming for them at all, but I really wanted to so we did one that I liked for our second daughter, plus added another name that went well with it.