PSA - Heard a kid give a speech? Give the praise!

amother

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:16 am

My son spoke at his 8th grade graduation last night.

To all those who texted me (and yes I thanked them!) and went out of their way to come to our table last night to tell him how much they enjoyed his speech, and to tell my husband in front of my son how much THEY enjoyed it - THANK YOU SO MUCH.

I'm saying this here to tell anyone who is reading this how impactful it is to these kids. If you can go out of your way a bit at these events to lift a kid up - do it!

There were a few bochrim who spoke, one from each shiur. My son's was the shortest speech (they were supposed to talk for 3-4 mins, some went over, my son's was about 2 mins). Some of the speeches were much better - most of them were. My son was insistent on writing his own and it was not as polished, etc. And he knew it, and after hearing some of the speeches, he felt really dumb. His speech was really good by the way! He was chosen for a reason. But just not as polished or as good as the other kids.

The people who went out of their way to praise him - you lifted him up so high last night. This is not coddling him, this is not a trophy for just showing up.

So my PSA - next time you are at one of these things. Go to the underdog kid, go to their parents. You can lift them up and it really makes a massive difference.

I will be showing my son the texts I got. Thank you all for reading this.

amother

Natural

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:20 am

Something important I tell my kids that you should tell him. Most kids get adult help for these things. When my kids work hard on their own I’m super proud. I also warn them that the other kids will likely look/ sound different because an adult wrote it/ did it. But you remember you did it alone which means yours is actually on a higher level. Because you are supposed to do it not adults. He should know he was competing against adults and he should be extra proud of himself that only he was able to do it alone.

amother

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:22 am

amother Natural wrote:

Thank you! Yes we helped a bit, but HE wrote it. He was the one who opened the sefarim, thought out what he wanted to say, got various mekkoros, tied it all in himself. We helped but he did it. Does thay make sense?

amother

Natural

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:24 am

amother OP wrote:

Thank you! Yes we helped, but HE wrote it. He was the one who opened the sefarim, thought out what he wanted to say, got various mekkoros, tied it all in himself. We helped but he did it. Does thay make sense?

Yes likely other kids did nothing and had their father do the entire thing and they just read it. That’s why his sounded more age appropriate. I wouldn’t even say it was polished it was adult written thought out, verses child doing most of it. I’d keep stressing how extra proud he should be. It’s way more impressive for a kid to do most of it than just read what your father came up with.

amother

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 5:26 am

amother Natural wrote:

Thank you so so much.

amother

Seashell

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 7:25 am

This is so funny because I'm pretty sure I was at that graduation last night.

I actually know one of the other boys who spoke. He did write the speech himself -- his mother was saying that she helped it edit it because it was all in Hebrew/yeshivish and she made him translate a lot of the words so that the parents/grandparents (who are a big hashkafic mix) would all understand it. He fought back, but she insisted Wink

The rest was researched and written by him, though.

But what's so funny is that I was speaking with my parents and my son about the speeches afterwards, and I said what was so fascinating was how all of the speeches were so different and yet so well done! One boy was a great storyteller who tied it in with a dvar Torah at the end, one gave a shiur that sounded like he was a rebbe in a beis medrash, one had a powerful message that he delivered in such a sincere way, etc. And I really felt that they represented the school well, in that it really meets the boys where they are and helps them develop into the people that they have inside of them already, rather than forcing them into a cookie cutter so that they're all the same.

I'm so sorry that your son didn't feel confident about how it went. To someone who was listening, though, the fact that they were all different, but still fantastic, just highlighted something so special about this group of boys.

amother

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 7:29 am

amother Seashell wrote:

Pretend you don't know me please! The reason I said the parents wrote the speeches is because that's what I was told. Glad to know I was wrong! They all did a really good job.

mlc

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 7:39 am

Your son truly has done something special! He should feel really proud of his accomplishment.
Honestly, the kids who do things theirselves often tend to be the most successful adults . Boosts that parents give such as writing a child’s speech might give the child a polished speech in the short run, but in the long run , your child has used his brain and has practiced important skills!
As a parent, the best thing you can do for him is to help him feel happy with his accomplishment from within, not from the feedback he receives. Sometimes there is no rhyme or reason for who gets more applause. Sometimes the people who get the applause get it for the wrong reasons. Often, the people who deserve the most recognition don’t get any at all. Your son should know that what he did is AMAZING. Any praise he gets is nice but in no way does it measure the magnitude of his accomplishments.
Congrats!

amother

Seashell

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 7:45 am

amother OP wrote:

Pretend you don't know me please! The reason I said the parents wrote the speeches is because that's what I was told. Glad to know I was wrong! They all did a really good job.

I honestly have no idea which boy you're talking about. I am being entirely honest in saying that they all spoke fantastically. I know that two of them were longer than the rest, so based on your OP, I'm assuming neither was your son. But if you hadn't included that detail (that his was shorter), I would honestly have no idea which ones were considered "more polished" -- they were just entirely different, but all SO well done. I was so impressed that kids that age could 1) write that well, and 2) speak that well. I was honestly surprised to hear (from the boy's mom who I know) that the school let them write it themselves and didn't even ask to hear it first, or have a teacher/rebbe go over it, or anything. After hearing all of them, I guess the school knows these boys and knew they had nothing to worry about Wink

ETA: Again, being entirely honest here, I think that both you and your son might be more critical of how he spoke than anyone else would be, and it's possible if one of the other boys would be your son you'd also think he was "the odd one out" in terms of how he spoke. As an outside observer, there was NO outlier in the boys who spoke last night. They were all very impressive. And I'm really being honest here, I was so surprised to see you post that you/he felt that how he spoke was at all subpar.

(Unless we're talking about a different graduation, but that would be too much of a coincidence? If the foods they served last night for the main course were brown, green, and orange, then we're talking about the same school...)

amother

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 7:47 am

amother Seashell wrote:

Well I am even more impressed by our yeshiva now. It really is special.

amother

Seashell

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 7:49 am

I wrote an ETA above, but I'll post it here too, since I see you already responded to my last post:

Again, being entirely honest here, I think that both you and your son might be more critical of how he spoke than anyone else would be, and it's possible if one of the other boys would be your son you'd also think he was "the odd one out" in terms of how he spoke. As an outside observer, there was NO outlier in the boys who spoke last night. They were all very impressive. And I'm really being honest here, I was so surprised to see you post that you/he felt that how he spoke was at all subpar.

(Unless we're talking about a different graduation, but that would be too much of a coincidence? If the foods they served last night for the main course were brown, green, and orange, then we're talking about the same school...)

amother

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 7:57 am

amother Seashell wrote:

Ok, yes we are talking about a different school. We did not have a main course, just some cookies, fruit, and cakes at the end. It's graduation season and I'm sure most yeshivas have similar outlines for the program. I know my older boys who went to different schools in another city (we've moved to where we are 2 years ago) had the same exact program, different cake.

amother

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 8:09 am

amother Mocha wrote:

I was at the same graduation. Your son spoke beautifully.

The other boys also spoke beautifully and knowing those boys, its unlikely their parents wrote their speeches.

There was a reason those boys were chosen to speak.

Thank you, see above as there were apparently a number of graduations last night! Were you at the one with the main course or the one I was at with fruit and cookies at the end?

amother

Lightblue

Tue, Jun 18 2024, 9:45 am

I was going to say if you you live in Baltimore (yes the one with a main of brown, green and orange)--all 4 boys spoke very well!!! I commented to my husband how poised, thought out and clear each boys was. So yasher koach to the boy and his parents of all of them (should they be on Imamother).

And it's so much better (polished or not) when the kid makes the speech themselves. There is so much more to be proud of.

But after reading the posts your son spoke at a different graduation.