No sleepovers, change my view

amother

Magenta

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 4:18 pm

Agree 💯. No clue why this is ever ok! And I’m saying this after few sleepovers that didn’t end well friend politics wise but would never again for any other risks

amother

Freesia

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 4:20 pm

Because the benefit outweighs the risk.

Kids love to have sleepovers with friends. On the slight chance something happens, why deny them such a fun part of growing up.

Teach body safety, send a flip phone so they can always call home, only send to families you know, and daven it goes well.

Hashem runs the world. Helicopter parenting isnt making your kids safer.

nursemomma

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 4:24 pm

Because the bottom line is you need to teach your kids proper boundaries and safety awareness.
Guess what, things can happen between friends even when they’re just getting together to study or do homework together.
Are you going to keep your kids confined to your house at all times?
I’m not saying always allow sleepovers. Obviously be responsible and do your research about the type of home/supervision. But don’t fools yourself, it’s impossible to protect your kids other than educating them and having open communication in case something does happen.

mha3484

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 4:26 pm

I have mixed feelings. I had good experiences as a kid/teen sleeping over at friends and nothing bad ever happened. I feel like why shouldn't my kids experience that too.

BUT I had an experience recently with my 13 year old at a shabbos bar mitzvah lunch and an idiot parent that was my first I cant trust another adult moment. First I was fuming at the parent then I realized I need to teach my kid to withstand peer pressure. Because I cant keep him home forever and he needs to learn to manage himself out of the home.

I think I would be fine with it assuming I know the parents well and trust them.

amother

Tomato ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 4:28 pm

I’m on with sleepovers in that I teach safety and trust my kids. But reading the other thread realizing so many don’t teach their kids boundaries is making me reluctant. I thought the threat was the adults now I see it’s the kids.

amother

Maroon ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 4:29 pm

Sleepovers are not a thing in certain circles and the kids grow up fine. It's not a rite of passage or anything, it's a recent American thing. I agree it can be fun, but not a must. However, if you're in circles where other kids are doing this, you need to evaluate it differently

SuperWify

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 4:33 pm

I personally think camp is a lot worse. It’s 30 days not just one night. Too much can go wrong.

My 3(!) year old was invited to a sleepover. No sorry, not happening. I’d send mature kids only probably preteen and up to parents I know and trust only after teaching my children body safety for a few years…. So in reality it hasn’t happened yet. Though my 7 year old was just invited to his first today and I declined.

I have great memories from both camp and sleepovers. I’m pro both but parents need to be aware and on guard. Our parents were definitely too trusting. I remember in camp there were stories I’d rather my children not hear about.

amother

Coral

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 4:35 pm

I discussed it with my therapist when it first came up when my daughter was 7 turning 8 and suddenly it became a thing among her friend group. I wasn’t worried about safety per se (we know the families well, we’re friends with them and have been in their homes) it was more is she really old enough for this, and my therapist thought it would promote healthy attachment and she was right. She went off happily and didn’t look back as we said goodbye on the street and yet came home happy too. Truth is it was a phase and while they all had sleepovers then it’s taken a break which I’m not sorry about (they come home so tired!) but I myself have priceless memories from sleepovers and it doesn’t seem right for me to deprive her. But I’m not out to convince you: you do what’s best for you

shabbatiscoming ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 4:41 pm

Because why should you have to take this away from your child? Its part of growing up and part of having good friends.
Teach your child about stranger danger, good and bad body touch etc. And then allow them normal childhood experiences.
Its not good to coddle them and to make them different than everyone else by not allowing sleep overs.

amother

Lightpink ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 4:43 pm

While I don't love the idea of sleepovers for no reason (my kids have a bed at home), it's not a hard no and we sometimes do allow. The school has made a rule against them after bad experience with one of the classes.
I don't like the idea of camp but too bad. I can't make my kids not go.

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 4:44 pm

amother Maroon wrote:

Huh? You think in other places in the world and in other decades there were no sleep overs?

amother

↑ Lightpink ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 4:44 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

In some circles, sleepovers aren't a thing.
The kids don't feel like they're missing out on anything.

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 4:45 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

In some circles, sleepovers aren't a thing.
The kids don't feel like they're missing out on anything.

Huh? Of course if its not a thing they are not missing out.
I of course meant if it IS a thing in those circles. Can't Believe It

amother

↑ Lightpink ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 4:46 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Huh? Of course if its not a thing they are not missing out.
I of course meant if it IS a thing in those circles. Can't Believe It

Even within the circles where it is a thing, schools have begun banning them.

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 4:48 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

Even within the circles where it is a thing, schools have begun banning them.

Nope, not in the circles that I travel in. Never heard of such a ban ever.

amother

↑ Lightpink ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 4:49 pm

shabbatiscoming wrote:

Nope, not in the circles that I travel in. Never heard of such a ban ever.

Schools in NY/NJ have started banning them in the past few years.

↑ shabbatiscoming ↓

Mon, Jun 17 2024, 4:54 pm

amother Lightpink wrote:

Schools in NY/NJ have started banning them in the past few years.

Thats great. Not everyone lives in the tri state area and not everyone sends to schools that make such rules. Can't Believe It