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Forum
-> Parenting our children
-> Teenagers and Older children
How often does your teen goes to sleep blowing...
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| once a month |
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14% |
[ 9 ] |
| once in 6 months |
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14% |
[ 9 ] |
| once a week |
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9% |
[ 6 ] |
| more than once a week |
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10% |
[ 7 ] |
| never |
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51% |
[ 33 ] |
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| Total Votes : 64 |
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amother
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 Tue, Jun 11 2024, 1:22 am
| NechaMom wrote: | | I feel bad for your teens and their spouses. Spoiled kids never get too far in life. |
Yea, this is basically how you get to raise a me-centered, snowflake generation.
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shachachti
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 1:29 am
| amother OP wrote: | | NO, because I think shes totally wrong |
But lashing out is wrong too.
Whatever you wanted to tell her you could've said in a calmer way.
You can't expect her to be mature but at the same time you get the convenience to act like a teen but not apologize.
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Comptroller
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 1:37 am
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I think you should have lashed out at her when you asked her to do a task and she did not do it.
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amother
Lightgray
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 2:25 am
OP, no one uses the term blowing just because it's english for Bloozen.
I thought you literally meant like blowing air out of her mouth.
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amother
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 2:33 am
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My teens all helped tonight. It is a given that everyone pitches in before Shabbos and yom tov.
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amother
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 2:35 am
| amother Purple wrote: | ברוגז in Hebrew.
What help did you need from her?
She might be very angry and coming to give you a good night kiss might not be an option, let her cool down and in the morning speak to her |
ברוגז is yiddish too
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amother
PlumPink
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 2:48 am
| amother OP wrote: | My teenager 17 yo went to sleep blowing tonight cuz I finally lashed out at her for not offering her help erev y"t and chickening out of everything and that have the utter chutzpah to ask if she can play on the computer tonight when I told her I would need a lot of her help for yom tov once the little ones are asleep...
This is a first... shes never gone to sleep blowing and without telling me good night, I hope this doesnt become the new norm... Ive blown plenty at my parents as a child and I know how unhealthy that can be |
Yelling at her about not helping ‘every Yom Tov’ & chickening out of everything is too general. It means nothing.
Stick to specifically what you want from her dont dredge up the past. That’s just downright mean
How is she supposed to feel ?
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shabbatiscoming
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 2:54 am
In hebrew its pronounced birogez.
In yiddish its pronounced broiygez.
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essie14
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 3:01 am
Teenagers can't be expected to anticipate your needs.
You need to calmly tell them what you need from them and give them the space to do it.
What I would have done is have a family meeting on Sunday and print a list of what I need help with.
Then have them choose what tasks they will help with and when you should expect it to get done.
You're the CEO, you need to lead and set expectations.
If you want certain things done by Monday night, set that expectation.
They're not your slaves. Children respond much better to positive reinforcement than lashing out.
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rgr
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 3:09 am
| amother PlumPink wrote: | Yelling at her about not helping ‘every Yom Tov’ & chickening out of everything is too general. It means nothing.
Stick to specifically what you want from her dont dredge up the past. That’s just downright mean
How is she supposed to feel ? |
Op wrote erev yt not every yt
We need a bit of clarification as to what "chickening out of everything" means because clearly English is not ops first language
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amother
Jade
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 3:15 am
First lol about the “blowing” I read that title and knew what you meant but was waiting for the “huh?”
Stick to bloozing or sulking.
But hey she’s 17 and not helping? You were absolutely right she’s almost of marriageable age , not ok. Of course it’s best to always remain calm , but we’re all human. You are absolutely right to demand her help. And yes a 17 year old is almost an adult, she should offer help. Not ok. Please ignore the poster who is raising spoiled self centered children. Of course kids should help out. Chinuch 101.
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smss
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 3:16 am
| amother OP wrote: | | NO, because I think shes totally wrong |
She might have been wrong, but lashing out in anger is also wrong.
You can start with something like "hey, I didn't like how I spoke to you last night. I'm sorry for yelling. Can we try again?"
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amother
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 3:20 am
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I'd love to meet all the mothers who never raise their voices or get angry at their kids.
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smss
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 3:23 am
| amother Winterberry wrote: | | I'd love to meet all the mothers who never raise their voices or get angry at their kids. |
They probably don't exist, just like wives who never fight with their husband probably don't.
But in both scenarios hopefully an adult can own up to what they did wrong and repair.
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B'Syata D'Shmya
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 3:40 am
| amother OP wrote: | My teenager 17 yo went to sleep blowing tonight cuz I finally lashed out at her for not offering her help erev y"t and chickening out of everything and that have the utter chutzpah to ask if she can play on the computer tonight when I told her I would need a lot of her help for yom tov once the little ones are asleep...
This is a first... shes never gone to sleep blowing and without telling me good night, I hope this doesnt become the new norm... Ive blown plenty at my parents as a child and I know how unhealthy that can be |
You def need to work on your communication with your dtr. Your "lashing out" was probably building up inside of you till it became a volcano. Never healthy.
Dont wait till erev Yuntif, Two weeks before sit her down and say, lets make a schedule for YT, what should we put on the menu... what are you making, what am I....and what nice new dress are we buying for you. Make it a package deal. Responsibility and reward go hand in hand. She wants time on the computer, no problem. After 2 hours of help, she can play...I like to word things in the positive.
In the morning, let her get it out of her system, she may be like you and has held in her feelings till she cant deal with them and they come spewing out like a volcano.
When she is calm and approaches you, you can invite her for a cup of coffee and heartfelt discussion on including her in the YT planning or whatever. Now that she is 17, its proper that she take part and you have confidence, she will be a great help.
Whatever she does, dont criticize or say, do it differently. If she asks then show her how you do it but leave room for her to do it her own way.
If she says you did something to hurt her, apologize, be a good example of that.
Never let her see you sweat or that you were bothered by her blowing. IMHO...its ok to say, I noticed you were upset but dont let her think that her behavior upset you. Its ok to say, I hate to see you sad, or whatever, but not -I was upset that you went to sleep without saying good night...
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amother
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 3:57 am
| smss wrote: | They probably don't exist, just like wives who never fight with their husband probably don't.
But in both scenarios hopefully an adult can own up to what they did wrong and repair. |
but is expressing anger never justified?
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amother
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 5:48 am
| B'Syata D'Shmya wrote: | You def need to work on your communication with your dtr. Your "lashing out" was probably building up inside of you till it became a volcano. Never healthy.
Dont wait till erev Yuntif, Two weeks before sit her down and say, lets make a schedule for YT, what should we put on the menu... what are you making, what am I....and what nice new dress are we buying for you. Make it a package deal. Responsibility and reward go hand in hand. She wants time on the computer, no problem. After 2 hours of help, she can play...I like to word things in the positive.
In the morning, let her get it out of her system, she may be like you and has held in her feelings till she cant deal with them and they come spewing out like a volcano.
When she is calm and approaches you, you can invite her for a cup of coffee and heartfelt discussion on including her in the YT planning or whatever. Now that she is 17, its proper that she take part and you have confidence, she will be a great help.
Whatever she does, dont criticize or say, do it differently. If she asks then show her how you do it but leave room for her to do it her own way.
If she says you did something to hurt her, apologize, be a good example of that.
Never let her see you sweat or that you were bothered by her blowing. IMHO...its ok to say, I noticed you were upset but dont let her think that her behavior upset you. Its ok to say, I hate to see you sad, or whatever, but not -I was upset that you went to sleep without saying good night... |
wow
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Ruchel
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 5:58 am
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My pre teen if he doesn't like the dinner and has to eat something else. Twice a month?
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amother
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Tue, Jun 11 2024, 6:13 am
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Just ask for help. My daughter is also knee deep in finals so she's been AWOL for two weeks. Last night I had to put the baby back to sleep so I asked who can cut peppers into strips before I come back to the kitchen? She jumped up to help. It's really the attitude more than the actual help.
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