Guests stripping beds

amother

OP ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:32 am

I get bothered abt this specific issue like crazy. I have a very slow dryer its basically broken it takes like 12 hours so I dont like to take the sheets off the bed until im gonna wash them bc I dont like the way it looks when its off and I cant just was them all in 1 night. I had a bunch of guests on shabbos and as they were packing up I told them not to strip the beds bc its easier to do it on my own when I am ready and they insisted on stripping the beds to the point where it became like a fight and it was just bizzare so I just let them strip the beds. now the sheets are all over my floor and I cant wash them all now and no I dont want to put them back on the bed.
it just gets me so angry. first of all if the host asks you not to do it JUST DONT. the middah of chessed is not doing something that makes you feel good abt yourself its doing what the OTHER person needs. I know they probably thought I was just being nice but they really should have just respected my wishes and moved on instead of literally fighting with me and doing something I specifically asked them not to do.

amother

DarkRed

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:34 am

I got my period once on my sil brand new linen. I was newly married and mortified and not about to tell her. In that case I stripped and washed it myself.
Stam there's always another side.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:37 am

amother DarkRed wrote:

I got my period once on my sil brand new linen. I was newly married and mortified and not about to tell her. In that case I stripped and washed it myself.
Stam there's always another side.

a nice idea but there is no blood on the sheets

amother

Beige

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:38 am

amother DarkRed wrote:

I got my period once on my sil brand new linen. I was newly married and mortified and not about to tell her. In that case I stripped and washed it myself.
Stam there's always another side.

That happened to me too!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:38 am

Bethany85 wrote:

Pretty obvious they weren't comfortable with you seeing something. Probably were intimate and got some on the sheets. Take the hint and let them keep their dignity.

it was seminary girls

amother

Snowdrop ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:45 am

amother OP wrote:

it was seminary girls

They were probably told that the proper thing is to strip the beds, and they wanted to do as they were taught....

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:46 am

amother Snowdrop wrote:

They were probably told that the proper thing is to strip the beds, and they wanted to do as they were taught....

yes but I told them not to

amother

Pansy ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 10:47 am

amother Snowdrop wrote:

They were probably told that the proper thing is to strip the beds, and they wanted to do as they were taught....

This! I remember in the begining of sem they told us all the proper way of being a guest and they told us we must strip the sheets!

amother

Obsidian ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 11:05 am

amother Snowdrop wrote:

They were probably told that the proper thing is to strip the beds, and they wanted to do as they were taught....

They should be taught that respecting a hosts decision is more important and derech eretz then stripping sheets.

amother

↑ Snowdrop ↓

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 11:06 am

amother OP wrote:

yes but I told them not to

I understand. But if they were taught to strip the bed, they probably thought they're being nice by stripping the beds even if you asked them not to.
Cut them some slack, they're young girls learning about adult life.

amother

↑ Snowdrop

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 11:37 am

amother Obsidian wrote:

They should be taught that respecting a hosts decision is more important and derech eretz then stripping sheets.

You're right.
But look at it from the girls POV. They were taught to strip linens & thought that they're doing the right thing.

amother

↑ Obsidian

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 11:43 am

amother Snowdrop wrote:

You're right.
But look at it from the girls POV. They were taught to strip linens & thought that they're doing the right thing.

I'd think they would no that when specifically asked not to strip the linen they wouldn't. What they learnt doesn't really matter when the host asks for something

amother

Periwinkle

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 11:48 am

In some cultures/ families the person receiving a gift/ compliment/ favor must fight it at first or else they are considered rude.

Is it possible that these girls thought you were saying no to (what they consider) a favor out of politeness and not because you truly wanted them to leave the linen?

I had the opposite problem when I first got married. My mil would offer things to me and I would allow her instead of fighting. My husband had to teach me that in their family it's rude of me to accept right away and I must say no for a bit. And when I offer favors to my mil and she says no, I am expected to insist a couple of times.

It took me a while to catch on and pick up the cues of when it's a real no and when it's a polite no. I think it's stupid, but I'm not here to judge other cultures.

These girls are still learning about social norms. Next time, you stand strong and keep repeating that it is a bigger help of they would just make the beds and leave the linen on.

amother

Daffodil

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 11:53 am

amother Obsidian wrote:

I'd think they would no that when specifically asked not to strip the linen they wouldn't. What they learnt doesn't really matter when the host asks for something

They probably thought she was just being nice. Until you've heard a reason (like OP's) that someone would want you to leave the linen, it seems like doing it yourself means less work for the hosts.
As a guest, I try to ask, "what would you like me to do with the linen" rather than "would you like me to remove the linen". That way they're unlikely to say, "no it's fine" just to be "nice".

I agree with OP, but it also makes sense to me that the girls didn't understand. maybe it would help to say, "please leave the linen on the bed. I want to remove it only when I'm ready to do the laundry" rather than, "you can just leave the linen". (unless you did that)
and if you want to really be helpful and have time, maybe you could make a quick call to the seminary to suggest that they instruct differently. (although could be it wasn't the sem that taught them that)

amother

↑ OP

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 11:55 am

amother Daffodil wrote:

I told them it was easier for me if they left it on but they kept pushing to take it off. it was honestly weird.

amother

↑ Pansy

Mon, Jun 10 2024, 11:55 am

amother OP wrote:

I told them it was easier for me if they left it on but they kept pushing to take it off. it was honestly weird.

They are kids. Just let it go.