Are you a calm parent (with a child who has ADHD)?

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 5:23 am

Wondering if this combination is common.
Not asking if parenting an ADHD child has made you feel overwhelmed (of course it has!)- but would you say that in general you are a calm and relaxed person?

amother

Cerulean

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 6:35 am

I'm calm and relaxed if no one bothers me, but I've got 2 kids with adhd who know to push all my buttons and send me exploding about 10 times a day.

amother

DarkKhaki

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 6:55 am

me too! I'm generally calm

but somehow almost all my kids (and dh) are adhd and it doesn't lead to such a calm house.

garfield

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 7:13 am

I don't think I am particularly overly anxious, or super calm. depends on the day/sleep/food/pms.... You need a middle option!

behappy2

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 7:40 am

I'm a very anxious person with lots of patience. I struggled a lot with my ADHD kid when he was little. Was very overwhelmed but over the years I have really worked on myself.

amother

Royalblue

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 7:46 am

ADHD is genetic, so parents with ADHD are more likely to have kids with ADHD. ADHD can be a reason someone is not calm. So if there is a correlation, it's more likely because of the inheritance of ADHD.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 7:48 am

amother DarkKhaki wrote:

me too! I'm generally calm

but somehow almost all my kids (and dh) are adhd and it doesn't lead to such a calm house.

Does that mean that your DH is not calm?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 7:49 am

amother Royalblue wrote:

Or because an ADHD child is being raised by an ADHD parent...

amother

Cobalt

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 7:59 am

I have inattentive adhd which means I grew up struggling and still do. Therefore I am not a calm person. I have learned how to work with my kids so that I don't react as much as I used to but I struggle with emotions just like them.

amother

Daisy

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 8:49 am

amother Royalblue wrote:

My kids all get their adhd from dh, as is very very common.

I am BH blessed with a calm and easygoing personality, though I still have had to work on myself to unbelievable degrees with the intensely challenging children that I have been blessed with.

Sometimes I think that if I "only" had the normal challenges of raising neurotypical children, that wouldn't stretch me and my middos and self-growth that much and maybe that's why Hashem gave me such a challenging situation.

amother

Sand

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 9:15 am

I have ADHD and I have kids with ADHD. Its a real curse from Hashem for both myself and my children. They would do much better with a non ADHD mother.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 9:17 am

Those who say that they are calm, is your DH stressed? It sounds that way in some cases.
I wonder if children with ADHD have at least one anxious/intense/stressed parent.

Chayalle

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 9:19 am

Why are there only two options? How about, I am generally a calm parent, but I am human and I sometimes get (or have gotten) frazzled?

I am the parent of a child with ADD (the inattentive kind). Life has been a journey with this one, and lots of new learning for us. Some of it was easier than other times.

amother

Emerald

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 9:56 am

amother OP wrote:

Those who say that they are calm, is your DH stressed? It sounds that way in some cases.
I wonder if children with ADHD have at least one anxious/intense/stressed parent.

Yes, DH has been more stressed with parenting than I am. But he's that way with non-ADHD kids too.

amother

↑ OP

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 10:11 am

Chayalle wrote:

Maybe the poll is missing some options but I'm referring to people who are beyond the normal 'human and sometimes get frazzled' type of stress. Some people are inherently more anxious (usually due to life experiences) and that's what I'm curious about here. Although I realize it may not be a very straight line.

mha3484

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 10:34 am

I have ADHD with the H and 3 of my kids have it. I am very easy going. I think with hindsight I know what worked for me as a kid and what didn't and I can naturally empathize with my kids. My middle child has a lot of emotional issues in addition to the ADHD and I find him much harder.

amother

Lemon

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 10:35 am

Dh and I are both very calm and relaxed. Although dh has inattentive ADHD as does one of our children.
Dh is calm because he's generally hyper focused on something LOL

But it is challenging raising an ADHD kid, I can never have a conversation with her, she's always so busy with something and no time to answer me.
And I feel like I'm just nagging the whole time "your supper's ready!"
"Come for supper"
"Supper's getting cold!! Come to the table"
"Can you hear me? Look at me, come for supper"
"Come back to the table!"
"It's almost bedtime, please eat some!"
"Time to go upstairs now!! Sorry you didn't have enough time to eat supper..."
Every day. Crying

and for everything, getting dressed, going in the bath, eating, going in the car. And she's only 6!!!

amother

Eggshell

Wed, Jun 05 2024, 4:02 pm

I am definitely anxious, however I also have ADHD myself, and the two often go together. I don't know if or how that might skew your results, but I'm probably not the only one.

ETA: my kid's adhd doesn't make me particularly stressed or anxious though. I have been anxious for as long as I can remember, and the things in parenting that make me anxious aren't related to my DD's adhd. Although DD's constant impulsive talking does sometimes stress me out Smile