Is it socially off...

flowerpower

Mon, May 27 2024, 8:07 pm

I don’t think it’s socially off at all. I was asked that question many times and was happy to help. It definitely helps if you word it the appropriate way.

amother

Honeydew

Mon, May 27 2024, 8:11 pm

It’s not socially off to ask, but like others mentioned it may make her uncomfortable

Personally I usually shrug off those questions because I shop at very expensive stores and I don’t want to feel judged or open a discussion about how I choose to spend my money. But I wouldn’t be offended by someone asking

Iymnok

Tue, May 28 2024, 12:25 am

My great aunt gave me a pretty cocktail dress that's probably over 50 years old. It's actually very in now.
If my daughter would wear it, I'd hope someone would ask where it's from!

amother

Lightcyan

Tue, May 28 2024, 1:17 am

Oddly the only person I have a problem sharing where I buy things is my mom. Maybe that because immediately goes to buy it herself.
I don't find it a compliment.
Nobody wants to wear the same clothes as their mom.
So I say I got it in the mall, or online, a vague answer.
Funny thing is, we're really close besides this point, but I can't bring myself to confront this issue and hash it out with her.

amother

Steelblue ↓

Tue, May 28 2024, 1:39 am

I also don't mind being asked. If for whatever I reason I didn't want to share I'd just say something like, "Oh this old thing, I've had it for ages and don't remember where it's from..."

amother

Chicory

Tue, May 28 2024, 6:15 am

amother Bergamot wrote:

I don't like being asked where I bought my or my kids clothing.

Reminds me of my friend's daughter that came home and told her mother that her mora checks every day how much she grew! (She checked her label every day)

amother

Freesia ↓

Tue, May 28 2024, 6:38 am

It's frustrating when everything you or your kids wear gets copied, and then your kids end up wearing the same thing the next week. It's odd to receive texts asking about sizes, brands, and prices of what you wear or your kids wear. While sharing is usually fine, it becomes unsettling when it happens too often.

amother

Aster ↓

Tue, May 28 2024, 6:43 am

I usually don't mind. But we made a simcha recently and after turning over all of Bnei Brak looking for a dress, I went into a super cheap store and found a stunning dress that looked very expensive and I bought it for a joke of a price. At the simcha when people asked me where I bought it, I did hesitate for a split second before answering.

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Tue, May 28 2024, 7:47 am

amother Chicory wrote:

Reminds me of my friend's daughter that came home and told her mother that her mora checks every day how much she grew! (She checked her label every day)

Thats not ok. Please tell your friend to speak to the principal. Firstly for lying to the kids, and secondly for checking the kids clothes label and thirdly for overstepping by touching her clothes like that. This is unacceptable in this day and age.

amother

↑ Aster ↓

Tue, May 28 2024, 7:55 am

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

I have a mishpachton in my house and when a child wears something I like, I often peek at the label to see where they bought it. Is there something wrong with that? I don't pretend anything, they're 2 so they don't even notice.

amother

Heather

Tue, May 28 2024, 7:59 am

amother Bergamot wrote:

I disagree that it's non invasive. Just because it has become normalized, it doesn't mean that it's non invasive.
Many women wear hand me downs, gemach clothing, or shop at Walmart/target and are uncomfortable sharing. Especially in communities where it's looked down upon as nebach.

I happen to get most of my clothes from a friend or a gemach but I think it's ok to ask. At this point I just say something like "oh it's from somewhere in Flatbush, don't remember where exactly". (I live in Flatbush and there are tons of stores there so I'm able to keep it vague).

↑ B'Syata D'Shmya ↓

Tue, May 28 2024, 7:59 am

amother Aster wrote:

Ask your Rav, to ensure you are not over Lo Tachmod. Why not just ask the parents? You say you do it because they are 2 and dont notice. Would you do it if they were older and cognizant of what you are doing?

↑ zaq ↓

Tue, May 28 2024, 12:47 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

eeeewwww...stalkerish.

amother

Cornsilk

Tue, May 28 2024, 12:50 pm

B'Syata D'Shmya wrote:

Wanting to buy what someone else has is not a prohibition of lo tachmod (or any other). Lo tachmod is primarily about getting something from the other person so that they no longer have it. Like pressuring them to sell it to you, or convincing someone to get divorced so you can marry her afterwards.

↑ zaq ↓

Tue, May 28 2024, 12:51 pm

amother Aster wrote:

I can't articulate why, but yes, there's something wrong with that. OOps, I lied, I can put my finger on it. It's snooping, my friend. It has nothing to do with whether or not the child would notice, it's still snooping. It's a bit like reading someone's mail or their medical records without permission. You want to know, ask the mom.

↑ zaq ↓

Tue, May 28 2024, 12:53 pm

amother Steelblue wrote:

I also don't mind being asked. If for whatever I reason I didn't want to share I'd just say something like, "Oh this old thing, I've had it for ages and don't remember where it's from..."

Everyone knows that's a lie--one so old and hackneyed it's become a staple comedy line.

amother

↑ Aster ↓

Tue, May 28 2024, 1:05 pm

zaq wrote:

Snooping? I change their diapers. I'm handling their clothing anyway. When I put them back together, I'll sometimes check their labels. And it's not to be a yenta, it's because I may want to buy it for my own kids.

amother

Waterlily

Tue, May 28 2024, 1:32 pm

Some of us put effort into our outfits this is a dreaded repeated question
We fargin others to look good yet dislike having clones of ourselves