Bringing babies to a shuir

amother

OP ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 7:17 am

I was at a shuir with about 50 other young married women and a few of them brought their babies. The babies all took turns making noises and crying. At first I felt bad for the young mothers who I’m sure really wanted to get out and enjoy the shuir and they should be able to do so even with a baby. But as the noise continued I couldn’t help it and I started getting really annoyed. I could barely hear what was being said and the mothers of these babies didn’t seem to care. I feel bad but at the same time why should 50 people suffer because you want to bring your baby.
Am I wrong for this?

singleagain ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 7:24 am

No you are not wrong. If the women had no choice they should have taken their babies out so they wouldn't disturb everyone else

B'Syata D'Shmya

Mon, May 27 2024, 7:25 am

Did the shiur advertise - "babysitting available"?
A shiur is obviously not meant for babies and if you bring one, and he cries, you must leave to take care of him. Caring for your child is obviously more important than the shiur.
If you can coincide the shiur with your childs nap and he is asleep in the stroller, not bothering anyone - sure you can.
I have intervened and asked mothers nicely to please take their children outside. Its better when the organizer does it - or the speaker asks nicely.
But then I have no problem asking two women to please be considerate as their talking during the shiur is bothering me.

SuperWify ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 7:28 am

Some shuirim are advertised as mommy and me type. If this was not like that, then yes, it’s wrong. (Unless maybe it’s a sleeping newborn and if the baby wakes up and starts yelling, then mommy leaves.)

amother

↑ OP ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 7:39 am

It’s not advertised as a mommy and me but it’s for young marrieds so lots of people end up bringing their babies because other people do it too. I just don’t understand how a mother could be sitting there while her baby is making a ruckus and not do anything about it.

↑ SuperWify

Mon, May 27 2024, 7:42 am

amother OP wrote:

I would also be annoyed. I have this in my exercise class and it really bothers me.

amother

Chartreuse

Mon, May 27 2024, 8:16 am

Yes it's wrong, unless babies are welcomed on the advert.

Shame none of those moms thought to rotate taking care of the babies in a side room.

amother

Freesia

Mon, May 27 2024, 8:35 am

I can't stand when that happens. A newborn who just sleeps, maybe nurses a few minutes then falls right back to sleep, ok, fine. But a fussy, whining, crying baby? And the mother doesn't have the sense to step out of the class? Rather obnoxious.

amother

Cognac

Mon, May 27 2024, 8:40 am

We have this at our shul
It is advertised babies are welcomed
Older women complain
It’s not nice when the older women shush them
There are other Shiurim that no babies should come.
At these shiurim the mothers that bring babies (they really shouldn’t) know to take the baby out if they start crying. Usually no babies come. But once in a while Amon brings a sleeping baby in the stroller

Ruchel ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 8:59 am

We can't coop up moms and want many kids
Or say "women need to hear shofar/asered hadibros" and then "but without kids"

amother

Lightblue

Mon, May 27 2024, 9:12 am

Ruchel wrote:

We can't coop up moms and want many kids
Or say "women need to hear shofar/asered hadibros" and then "but without kids"

That’s why we make special times to accomodate ladies. I think it’s very disrespectful to bring your kids into shul for shofar and then try to grab a few minutes of mussaf while your kid is making noise.
I think something is missing in our chinuch to girls that we tell them to go to shul but not when to not go to shul so ladies feel like they’re doing something wrong by not hearing shofar or zachor in a proper shul setting and end up doing the wrong thing by bringing their kids

amother

Strawberry

Mon, May 27 2024, 9:14 am

Ruchel wrote:

We can't coop up moms and want many kids
Or say "women need to hear shofar/asered hadibros" and then "but without kids"

Shofar is different than a shiur. I have a baby outside of my work hours I have no babysitting and my husband is rarely home. I would never dream of bringing a baby to a shiur. It is not the time of my life to be going to shiurim unless I can somehow find a babysitter. Thats ok when the kids get older I can go to shiurim then. We also live in a time where u can listen to a shiur from home.

↑ Ruchel ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 9:29 am

I hardly go to shul and shiurim. But I also hear "women must go". Ok, but then, deal with the babies. I grew up out of town. If you wanted women at megila, you had the babies too.

amother

Cadetblue ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 9:31 am

I think it’s wrong and selfish even if they are a newborn or are calm
It changes the environment and vibe for everybody there

flowerpower

Mon, May 27 2024, 9:31 am

Yes. It’s wrong to bring babies. People don’t want to hear crying when they finally got out at night. If they do bring a baby they should sit in the back row and leave the room as soon as the baby wakes up

Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Mon, May 27 2024, 10:29 am

Ruchel wrote:

We can't coop up moms and want many kids
Or say "women need to hear shofar/asered hadibros" and then "but without kids"

That's why the congregations must arrange shofar and megilat Ester for women with kids.

amother

Blonde

Mon, May 27 2024, 10:45 am

I think it's ok to bring to a daytime shuir (usually those attending are sahm's who else is available ?) But as soon as your baby starts making noise it's time to leave or maybe stand in the next room & listen by the door etc.

We live in a society where large families are expected, we shouldn't shun moms & babies from almost everything.

saralem

Mon, May 27 2024, 12:09 pm

I think it is totally fine to bring babies. Ladies-let’s support each other. Maybe the shiur is what’s helping an overwhelmed mom keep it together. Feel inspired. Feel part of the community. Prevent isolation. Yes, walk out and calm baby if she’s crying. But to give the message that only women with babysitters (or beyond that stage) can attend shiurim is so not supportive.