Wedding or class trip? I'm so upset.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 6:01 pm

amother Ebony wrote:

It’s old fashioned for a reason. Most kids have made it clear it hurt them in the long run and it shouldn’t have been forced. I feel bad for your son.

Why do you feel bad for him? He's going on the trip! And the dinner of this wedding. And the Sheva berochos in our house. And the other major trip, and the other wedding in London. And the Sheva berochos that we're making for dh's niece.

Can I ask you why you feel bad for him?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 6:04 pm

amother Tulip wrote:

You mean finally someone who agrees with you?

Family should be a priority, that being said, it depends what the event is, Who will be offended, What can you do to make it better for your son?

Yep that's right Wink

I was just being silly, because upthread someone wrote finally someone who's making some sense, that he should go on the trip. It's all good, he's going on the trip. Hopefully no one will be offended, and if they are, well it's not about them, it's about him.

↑ kiwi strawberry

Tue, May 21 2024, 6:04 pm

amother Indigo wrote:

And how is her husband supposed to know that it's such a big deal for her if he signs the papers?
It seems like OP is upset about the situation, and is trying to point fingers on everyone else & doesn't realize that she cares more about herself and her mother, than for her son.

He might not know. Which is precisely why, if it's important to her, she should tell him. Because otherwise he wouldn't know.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 6:08 pm

amother Ebony wrote:

This doesn’t make sense. A cousin doesn’t come before a one time trip. You are just hurting your kids if you do that. SOME family things are priorities but if you push it and make ALL priorities your kids will just see as a nuisance and the lesson will not be taught.

We've never pushed our kids to join in Simchas. They always want to.
Granted they've never fallen on the same day as a big class trip. People are making out as if joining a cousins wedding is a punishment. I can't begin to tell you how much my kids love it. Even my teens love weddings!

Also this isn't just any cousin! We're a small family and she's the 1st one. It's a major one time event in our family!!

amother

Candycane

Tue, May 21 2024, 6:10 pm

amother OP wrote:

My first niece is getting married iyH. On the same day my son has an end of year trip , a big one , to a theme park!
I saw that my dh had signed the paper that our son will be going to all the trips, and end of year activities (he's going to high school next year iyh so his school do a lot at the end of the year) so my son said 'Daddy said I can miss the chupa (and possibly the pics) and go on the trip.
This wasn't discussed with me, and I'm really upset! We're a small family, ours , and my siblings families. There's not that many grandchildren. I know that my parents will be upset. And I'm going to be so upset if he's not back in time for the pictures!
He won't be the only one missing the trip, if he'd miss it. My nephew (brother of the kalla) is in his class.

Now he's going on the trip because that's what my dh said he can do. He'd be so upset to miss it. So my dh said I should think about what our son wants! This is a big deal in my family. He's from a big family, and there's been so many weddings by now they don't mean all that much to him!

What are your thoughts?

For your son, it is (one of) the highlights of his year, so if he misses it, he will resent it and you for missing it. He will be at the dinner so he'd not missing the entire wedding. I'm sure you can arrange for a family photo once he is there for the dinner, and he can be photoshopped in to the rest of them. While its not a big deal for your husband as he has many weddings, hopefully in the future you will also experience that and have loads of family weddings to go to as well! While frustrating, its not something to be upset about.

amother

↑ Bronze

Tue, May 21 2024, 6:21 pm

amother Bronze wrote:

I want to point out one thing you don't seem to realize. You say your husband has a large family with lots of simchas all the time. You have a small family and simchas are less often so every simchas is a big deal.

You have to realize that your son is the son of both of you. Since he's your husband's son too, he has lots of simchas all the time in general. While it's rarer from your family, to him as a child of both of you, he has simchas all the time. Thus, a cousins wedding happens all the time and is not such a big deal for him in general.

Class trp for such a child is definitely more exciting

amother

Snowdrop

Tue, May 21 2024, 6:33 pm

OP it really has no input here if you ask us our opinions. You need to get rid of your anger, frustration, thoughts, that your son is making a wrong decision. Decide whatever you like. If he goes to the trip first, Don't let your face show your anxiety, upset feelings. You need to go and have a great time. Forget the pictures. He'll either be in there or won't. Whatever you decide as a family You need to accept.

amother

↑ Ebony ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 6:36 pm

amother OP wrote:

Of course they go to simchos and it’s fun. But sometimes something else comes first. To you the first one is a big deal but it’s really not that big of a deal. There will be other weddings.

amother

↑ Indigo ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 7:04 pm

amother Pumpkin wrote:

It's not about what your son enjoys more, this is about teaching priorities. I believe that family comes first, teach them that family comes first before friends. But that's just me

Family comes first in certain situations. Missing a school trip for a cousins chuppa because grandma will be upset, is NOT a situation where family comes first.
It's not fair to make a child miss a school trip, because being at the chuppa is a big deal for mom & grandma. The child will be at the wedding. He will miss the chuppa. That's really fine.

amother

↑ Indigo ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 7:08 pm

amother OP wrote:

I don't understand your point. The chasuna is a family activity.
He's not missing big exams. It's optional to join a class trip. He'd be fetched from school early for the chupa, if not for the trip.

The chasuna is a family activity. The trip is a major school event that the child is fully entitled to choose the trip over a chuppa.
You are thinking more about yourself, then about your child. For you, the wedding is a bigger deal then the trip. For your child, the trip is understandably a bigger deal than the chuppa. He'll be at the wedding, he'll just arrive late. That's okay.
Please don't let your frustration out on your son & don't make him feel guilty about wanting to go to the trip.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 7:09 pm

amother Indigo wrote:

You say it's fine.
Not so fine by me. The chuppa is also the reception.
It's practically half of the chasuna missed. Gone forever. And I know that there will be more Simchas iyH, but this will be this particular niece's only chasuna. Plus, you're all forgetting that he's also got other major and minor trips coming up!

amother

↑ OP ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 7:11 pm

amother Indigo wrote:

Who said I'm making him feel guilty? Please don't just assume things about me, when I bend over backwards for my kids.

amother

↑ Indigo ↓

Tue, May 21 2024, 7:12 pm

amother OP wrote:

It doesn't have to be fine by you. It has to be fine by your son. You need to stop making this about you. It's really not the end of the world if a child misses part of their cousins wedding. It may be a big deal for you, but it's not a big deal for your son.
The other trips have nothing to do with this particular major trip.

amother

↑ Indigo

Tue, May 21 2024, 7:13 pm

amother OP wrote:

Who said I'm making him feel guilty? Please don't just assume things about me, when I bend over backwards for my kids.

I did not say that you're making him feel guilty. I'm saying that you shouldn't.
Based on your posts here, it's not such far fetched thinking that you'd let out your frustration on your son & try to guilt him about his decision.

amother

↑ OP

Tue, May 21 2024, 7:19 pm

amother Indigo wrote:

Thanks for that, what a compliment.
I regret posting this here. Being an OP takes guts, which I don't have.
I'm really sensitive, and you've really upset me actually. If you only know what I do to keep my kids happy Banging head

amother

↑ DarkMagenta

Tue, May 21 2024, 7:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

MAGICAL MOMENTS AT THE CROCKY TRAIL KIDS’ OUTDOOR PLAY PARK
If you haven’t heard about it, the Crocky Trail is a kids’ and adults’ outdoor play paradise with tons of activities for joyful souls. You may have experienced the excitement of family fun parks before, but nothing can prepare you for what the Crocky has to offer. Our outdoor playland is set in acres of lush greenery and jam-packed with spine-tingling attractions. You are heartily invited to spend a day out in Chester to shriek with joy (and maybe a little fear) at:
Winding paths filled with amusement
Riveting tunnels and mazes
Gravity-defying waterslides and high-speed rides
Traps, games, castles and even goats

This is a bit from the website of the other major trip that he's going to make iyH. We'll be travelling to my other nieces wedding (dh's niece) the day after this major trip! This huge trip is before the other traditional theme park.

EXPERIENCE THE THRILL OF THE CROCKY TRAIL THEME PARK IN CHESTER
Thrill-seekers and tireless explorers, get ready to scream, laugh, jump and slide your way into an incredible adventure park in Waverton. Here comes an adventure that’s beyond compare. Climb if you dare. Slide if you are ready for our gravity-defying slides. Spin if you are adventurous enough. Head off to Chester for a fun-packed day out and a unique outdoor family experience. Bring your kids and put your courage and spirit of adventure to the test!

A Crocky trail trip can defenetly not be missed. Its much to fun to miss going to with friends!!!

amother

↑ Ebony

Tue, May 21 2024, 7:22 pm

amother OP wrote:

So? Really what’s the big deal to miss half a wedding of your cousin? No one will even remember in 2 years. It’s silly to even be upset over this.