To hold back or not?

amother

Oatmeal

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:12 am

4th grade morah here...

I hardly know when my girls' birthdays are based on classroom behavior and academics. One year I taught a combined 4/5 class and it was when I moved to this city (and didn't know anyone yet) and there were some girls I was sure were in 5th and were really in 4th and vice versa (I didn't memorize the class list with birthdays and they weren't separated by grade...)

There are girls who turned 10 at the beginning of the school year and struggle way more socially/emotionally/academically and girls who still haven't turned 10 and are way ahead. Our cut off date is Dec 1.

I cannot imagine keeping a child back who is doing well based on what might happen in the future. It could backfire just as well. I also cannot imagine a principal who would recommend keeping a child back "just because". You're more likely to create behavior/social problems with a child who is bored.

amother

Blonde

Sun, May 12 2024, 10:18 am

amother Leaf wrote:

Some things to consider in addition to everything mentioned above:

Is your family generally earlier or later to hit puberty? It can be very hard on a kid to be the firs to develop, especially girls. Getting a period and breasts in 4th or 5th grade can be really really isolating and embarrassing.

Does your child/family have a very independent side to them? This also can be a challenge when they feel “older” socially and they’re not the “follower type” who can just lay low. They are light years ahead of everyone else, at least in their own heads.

Lastly, if there are signs of ADHD, sometimes you just need to get that kid out of school!

I regretted the extra year for one of my kids who had all of the above.

Obviously you can’t know a lot of this early on, but I have a baby in the same situation and plan to do it differently if she seems similar to my other one in personality.

This stresses me out- my daughter is a November kid (cutoff December) and I want to have her be the youngest for all these reasons. She’s bright (not necessarily exceptionally do but def could keep up with kids a few months ahead) but more importantly to me she’s very tall for her age and genetically we’re a tall family, I got my period at 11 and was wearing adult sizes in 6th grade, was very difficult in many ways. And I was the youngest in my grade!! Cannot imagine if I was one grade down.

The school is super inflexible about it 😭😭😭.

amother

Mint

Sun, May 12 2024, 11:30 am

I think the Imas posting about puberty hit the nail on the head.

I worried about this decision with my November child. She was doing ok socially and academically with her early intervention in pre-school, but her teacher was concerned that when she aged out of EI that she would struggle to keep up in school. I happen to have a bunch of friends and family that have to border Nov-Jan birthdays so I asked them. Whether they were pushed back or pushed forward, no one seemed to care, except for one friend that was bigger and taller than everybody, and now even more so because she was a year older too. She said that her later elementary/ middle school experience was completely colored by developing faster than her classmates.

If you want to know, I kept my petite child back. She struggles in Hebrew and shines in English (just like I did). I'm neutral about the decision, she likely would've caught up eventually anyway, though I can't be sure of course.