To hold back or not?

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, May 10 2024, 6:29 pm

amother Leaf wrote:

Some things to consider in addition to everything mentioned above:

Is your family generally earlier or later to hit puberty? It can be very hard on a kid to be the firs to develop, especially girls. Getting a period and breasts in 4th or 5th grade can be really really isolating and embarrassing.

Does your child/family have a very independent side to them? This also can be a challenge when they feel “older” socially and they’re not the “follower type” who can just lay low. They are light years ahead of everyone else, at least in their own heads.

Lastly, if there are signs of ADHD, sometimes you just need to get that kid out of school!

I regretted the extra year for one of my kids who had all of the above.

Obviously you can’t know a lot of this early on, but I have a baby in the same situation and plan to do it differently if she seems similar to my other one in personality.

All good points. We are not the early-puberty type. My husband is very Mr. Independent and always was, but I am not and this child is not. I don't see any hint of ADHD...

nylon

Fri, May 10 2024, 6:55 pm

Wait, you have a December cutoff and you're considering holding back a September baby?

Absolutely not. She will not be youngest, and she'll be much too old for the younger class. Holding back should really only be for kids who are much closer to the cutoff. It's not about absolute age ("must be 6 before first grade starts!") it's about relative position in the cohort. If she's too far ahead it will also not work out.

amother

↑ Crimson

Fri, May 10 2024, 7:40 pm

nylon wrote:

Wait? It's a December cutoff? Then don't hold back a Sept baby! I'm taking about the late December kids in schools with dec cut offs or Sept kids with Sept cut offs.

amother

Blushpink

Sat, May 11 2024, 1:22 pm

It's worth spending $ on an educational evaluation. We did this for my daughter who was the youngest in her grade because the school wanted her to stay back. We used the evaluator the school recommended. She actually surprisingly recommended that we don't keep her back because she scored too high in certain areas and she said she would be bored and misbehave. The next year they wanted to keep her back again because "the teacher needed to repeat directions" for her, (probably cause she was in dreamland) but again she scored too high. She probably graduated high school with the highest marks in her grade.
She's definitely too old to keep back without a legitimate reason.

amother

Mintgreen

Sat, May 11 2024, 10:49 pm

I wouldn’t do it if the school isn’t recommending it. If you’re happy with her class and she’s doing well, there’s no reason to do it. I also don’t understand this new trend of people wanting their children to be the oldest in the class.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sat, May 11 2024, 11:38 pm

Regardless of the school cutoff, my point was that most of the class is substantially older than her. Will she feel like she's in the right age when everyone else is hitting all the stages half a year to a year before her?

amother

↑ Nasturtium ↓

Sat, May 11 2024, 11:56 pm

The class will likely be all the same kids as she grows? They won't get more?
Even if yes, I wouldn't hold back if there are nno current concerns.
I am a kindergarten teacher and have suggested for kids to repeat before, but never if there are no legitimate current concerns.

amother

↑ OP ↓

Sat, May 11 2024, 11:59 pm

amother Nasturtium wrote:

She already has 24 kids in her class, and it's a very new school, only one class per grade, so I doubt she'll be getting many more kids in her class.
And my concern is that I'm sure she'll do fine in pre1a, I'm not as sure she'll do fine long-term. So I wanted to hear from others in this situation, who know what happens past kg and pre1a and 1st, when you hit the years where the schoolwork starts getting more complex and the social relationships start getting more complex.

amother

Blue

Sun, May 12 2024, 12:18 am

amother Hotpink wrote:

I am a January baby months after my class and I never struggled . This new found fascination with making your kid the oldest is strange and misguided. Being one or two months behind another kid doesn’t make the child struggle , the curriculum is the same. If the child didn’t meet basic requirements then hold back but not because she’s a September birthday.

Same for me. I don't get it.

amother

Babyblue

Sun, May 12 2024, 12:26 am

I held back my October daughter and I fully regret it at this point. She’s in middle school. She developed earlier than her peers and suffered tremendously as a result. The preschool said she can either go up or stay down and chose to keep her down.

amother

Yellow

Sun, May 12 2024, 12:36 am

I would not put back a girl, actually better for a girl to be from the younger ones .
A boy I would put back , if theyre within 2 months of the deadline
My son is born in nov and I did put him back bec boys learn so much they can use another yr of playing.

amother

↑ OP

Sun, May 12 2024, 12:39 am

amother Yellow wrote:

Interesting, why is it better?

And I have a Nov boy too, I'm definitely going to give him an extra year before I enroll him.

salt

Sun, May 12 2024, 6:43 am

I'm not sure your theory is logical, ie the worry that as the years go on, she'll fall more behind.

My intuition tells me that as the kids get older, the gap gets less significant.

ie. diff between a 2.5 yr old and a 3 yr old, is pretty large. But the diff between an 8 year old and an 8.5 year old is negligible. Doesn't that make sense?

So from an academic point of view, I wouldn't keep her back. But if you say she is timid, that could be a reason to keep back, to let her develop her self-confidence.

amother

Brass

Sun, May 12 2024, 6:50 am

I didn’t hold back my September baby and don’t have regrets. She is in 5th grade now. She has always had an easy time academically and I can only imagine how much worse it would be if she was the oldest.

amother

Honeysuckle

Sun, May 12 2024, 7:42 am

I held back my December DS because his class was 2/3 8+ months older than him. Only 2 boys were within 4 or 5 months of him. Academically he was totally fine, the reason we held back was social/emotional. We didnt think it was fair to him to put him with kids so much older than him. He ended up switching schools and in the second school he could easily have integrated in the older class, as the boys there were of all ages. I do feel bad that I held him back purely because of his class make up.

Academically there is no reason why your daughter shouldn't be fine if she is a September baby, just because the other kids are older. There is a standard curriculum for the teachers to follow, and she's the right age. If she's doing fine socially, then it makes sense to keep her where she is. As others said, it's to her advantage to come home from seminary at almost 19 vs almost 20

amother

↑ Peony

Sun, May 12 2024, 8:23 am

amother Ivory wrote:

August? Sounds like she's going to be a good few months older than everyone else. Is there a reason you held her back besides wanting her being the oldest?

The cutoff is Sept 1 and she is August 27. The next birthday after hers is mid September so she's not months older than everyone.
She's not very bright but very charismatic, I knew she would struggle academically but not socially so I wanted to give her the best shot at some academic success by giving her the age advantage. Her school agreed and so far it's working