A little vent about a difficult guest

amother

Fri, May 03 2024, 6:25 pm

I'm not physically so capable, BH had a lot of help to clean. Went out for almost all of the meals. DH just rolls w it all.

Relative invited himself for the whole time. It's not like I could have said "don't expect too much" bec he really had no other options. (But maybe I still should have!) He was cheerful about schlepping around w us to the meals. And he did go buy himself food the couple days before YT. Because I was not offering to cook!

My kids sent over some brownies, kugel, & I had fruit etc in the house. Managed to make just a couple of special foods for myself only to find he's eating them up. Yeah I didnt originally say a/t bec they were kind of strange & there was other stuff to nosh. I did finally say, hey, can u please not use up my special food.

I used to think he was kinda self-absorbed & just tried to be patient. Even though he didn't seem to realize that his topics of conversation were far from what our family is interested in or accustomed to.

Recently he mentioned an ASD diagnosis which made a lot of sense. So had to summon even more patience bec really not his fault. And he has a sad life, 2 failed marriages, tries to be in touch w his kids but seems like it's v one-sided.

So really try to have sympathy but not easy having him for almost two weeks.

Well after YT I realized one phone line wasn't working, (my other line is another carrier) and then Verizon came down & said, oh your FIOS box is unplugged!

Then I realize that he had asked me about the box in his room (which I think we had stopped using at some point) so now I have to pay an extra $120 on top of it all. Right, not his fault, he did ask but...

Not sure what I want, just a little sympathy I guess. I have to hope other relatives can pitch in next YT! No yelling or rotten tomatoes please!

LovesHashem

Sat, May 04 2024, 1:27 pm

Didn't quite get what an FIOS box is, and if the charge is from him unplugging it or not since these aren't terms I have heard of.

Sounds really hard and kol hakavod!

He possibly unplugged the box if it has lights which may have made it hard for him to sleep. I don't unplug boxes in other people's houses or even ask to do but I don't sleep well or at all if there's lights in a room. Just some perspective from someone actually autistic so maybe it makes more sense.

amother

Saddlebrown

Sat, May 04 2024, 4:15 pm

OP you get a true medal for having a relative that is ''not easy'' by you for 2 weeks. I know we are all expected to help and honor others but yes it's not easy. Especially when they eat your food you wanted. You will get tremendous schar. Maybe Next time in advance, (get your husband on board with this) you can tell him to come for the Seder. Maybe you can mention that you aren't cooking special. Also any chance he can go out for last days? If not he can be a guest for a week but after Yomtov (that night or next morning ) he should be out. He doesn't need to be by you for 2 weeks.

amother

Sat, May 04 2024, 9:22 pm

Heh. So many questions.

FIOS is fiber optic something or other, needed for Verizon phone. He wanted to use the outlet, that's all. Could have used a different one but you know, cell phones...

He usually goes to other relatives part of the time (but we're a small family & sometimes it doesn't work for others). And he does have friends where he lives but I guess it's more comfortable to be with family. Just a long time.

But thanks e/o for the support!