Preparing supper for adult single children

amother

Magnolia

Fri, May 03 2024, 2:55 am

You are not a hotel.
Time for a family meeting where you lay out the options.
X number of adults in the house.
You might be prepared to make a meal for the family (assume no kids in school) which will be as per this schedule.
You could post the meal schedule on the kitchen noticeboard/somewhere visible.
If they want to eat it, they should tell you in advance so you can prepare sufficient food and none is wasted.
Other household chores should be clear - washing/linen/cleaning/shabbos prep.

This is chinuch- getting your young adults ready to leave the nest and become mama birds managing their own household. A little contribution is not a burden.

amother

Hosta

Fri, May 03 2024, 3:16 am

My older kids are 18-25 and we have a 10 year old as well.
As the kids started getting older we started slowly having them take on their own expenses (they all still live at home).
Cell phones
Clothing
Toiletries

It isn't perfect yet and it takes time, it won't happen overnight. They still swipe my CC sometimes at the drug store. Or take DH's deodorant. But it's slowly happening.

The issue with cooking is different.

I have one child who loves to cook but if I ask him to cook for the family he wants to make something complicated, involving multiple special ingredients and many pots and pans. He also now works full time.
I'd rather stick chicken and rice in the oven with some broccoli and have no clean up.

Another child absolutely hates the kitchen. If I'd ask this child to make macaroni and cheese it would literally take half a day. It's just not worth it.

Right now since I have DH and myself and 2 children I feel responsible for, I just make supper every night for everyone.
I ask the older kids to let me know if they won't be home and occasionally enough kids aren't home that a simple take out supper, like falafel or shwarma or pizza, will suffice. Or maybe I have enough leftovers for a couple people and I'll make a scrambled egg for myself, which I dont mind.
All leftovers go in the fridge every night and it's FCFS for whoever wants to take it for lunch the next day or eat it as a midnight snack.

Anyone that doesn't like supper makes their own, from age 9. That extends to the adult children. We always have bread, tuna, eggs, etc.
If they're working they can also spend their own money on takeout.

You do not have to cater to them.
If they don’t like what you've offered for supper, tell them that you won't tolerate any more complaints. They're free to say, "I'll be on my own tonight" and make their own food or go out.

Laundry - my kids take over their own laundry at around 13-15 years old.

We are also gently encouraging them to move out. They're each at different stages right now but all are making various plans to move out when the timing works.

camp123

Fri, May 03 2024, 4:51 am

I lived at home until late twenties, my mom always made supper so I kind of expected it. The problem was she never spoke to me about it. I would have been happy and it would have been good for me if she would have told me to be responsible for cooking one night dinner. Your kids have probably never seen your needs , they may not be spoiled, they may just have expectations that things continue his they always were. You don't wake up one day and become an adult. It needs to be a slow process that's supported by your parents. Talk to your kids. Ask them and their needs and expectations and tell them yours. Menu plan together and give them responsibilities. You will be doing them a favor if you teach them to be adults

Bnei Berak 10 ↓

Fri, May 03 2024, 5:51 am

amother Oatmeal wrote:

OP, I could’ve written this post. I can’t stand when my adult child comes home at the same time as me or before and then gets mad that there’s no supper for her. I don’t have supper for her bec I’m tired of her pickiness, I’m tired of making her supper when shea going out to eat without telling me, I’m tired of her not eating leftover food that’s a day old. I cook for my husband and younger kids. My adult children can either eat the food I make for the younger ones or make their own dinner. I just hate when they complain that “ there a nothing for them to eat”

It's about time your spoiled daughter to find her own place to live. It will be very good for her.

amother

Mint

Fri, May 03 2024, 6:14 am

amother OP wrote:

22-26
And growing up, while I always took peoples preferences into consideration, I never made more than one supper. If they didn’t like it, they could have cereal or a sandwich. So it’s not like they were raised super spoiled. That’s why I’m wondering why they have these expectations.

I would just remind them that the rules are the same: cereal or sandwich if they don't like the dinner options.