Over the top Bar-Mitzvha's- not really

Ruchel

Wed, May 01 2024, 3:37 pm

Prices are up, and some when they hear it's a simcha - especially wedd but also bm... - will up their price for no reason. Not talking of bride here who needs to be impeccable all day.
Also you don't want to know about my dad's bm which was his great uncle by marriage teaching him as his dad and granddads were dead and he had to say kaddish. Pre war my bourgeois Bobov grandfather had a trip to the rebbe and a kiddush.

amother

↑ Mintcream

Wed, May 01 2024, 4:00 pm

mha3484 wrote:

I live OOT, the standard here is that the bo bayom is a class party with some family and maybe some close friends. But most parties my son is invited to are the 18 boys in the class, the rebbe, menahel, mashgiach etc any local family and maybe some neighbors but they are not fancy parties with the exception of a few and average around 50-75 people.

I think the expectation that I read about on here, that you do a fancy weeknight event for 100 plus people, then a big shabbos kiddush and shabbos meals for 125 relatives, is a lot in this economy. I wonder if people picked and choose what they wanted to focus on and then made the other events smaller if the costs would be less overwhelming.

Live in town. Bar mitzvas run full range feom exactly what your describing to high end 400people. Same for shabbos Kiddush can be some kugel and cake,maybe herring and kugel or trays and trays of meat board fish boards...etc. (to no Kiddush at all-believe it or not tge high end party usually doesn't get a Kiddush on shabbos)
I have several buchrem bh. The majority of bar mitzvas they have attended have been to the simple side of local norm...
I think it's a wonderful experience for these developing men to get to attend formal events, each planned so differently and unique. With the right rebbe and proper hadracha it is a yr of growth and wonderful learning experiences

amother

Black

Wed, May 01 2024, 4:23 pm

It's a small point but neither my mother or Bubbe had their makeup done professionally nor did the girls in the family. I mean obviously I wasn't around for the simchas of my Bubbe but I am certain that she didn't.

I am sure there are other examples of "creep" in terms of what is now viewed as essential.