When do you flip kitchen back - vent

amother

Melon

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 1:35 am

Wow I really think your husband should tell them he can only help until 10. He needs to help you. It’s not an emergency to turn everything back over Not everyone finishes putting everything away right away, you need to do what makes sense. A lot of people turn over early before pesach so waiting a little bit after is ok. I really think your health is more important than someone’s preference

ImmaBubby

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 1:44 am

As the mother/mother-in- law I have always recognized extenuating circumstances that prevented kids from helping out. They all have great track records and everyone wants the job done quickly and efficiently.
I’m sure any reasonable parents feel the same.

amother

↑ Starflower

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 1:47 am

amother Melon wrote:

Please tell me this is a joke? Yom tov for us willend about 9pm. Men won't be home until about 9.25. Maybe she holds an earlier zman...but what should her husband do check out at 10pm to sleep while folks working hard????
He can take breaks from helping to assist wife with toddler and baby, but definitely rude to check out and go to sleep!

shabbatiscoming ↓

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 2:14 am

amother OP wrote:

Every year at my in-laws, we flip the kitchen back all motzei Chag. I never like it, I’m exhausted and we’re up till 2 am if not later cleaning. This year my toddler is recovering from surgery and I have a nursing infant. I probably won’t be helping much but my husband will be which means he’ll be exhausted the next day and I’ll be more on my own with the kids. I’m feeling upset about it and vented to my husband. Am I overreacting for wishing we could wait till the next day to flip back? I know they’re not going to change the plan so I’m just feeling upset.

Not everyone has the next day. Do your in laws possibly work the next day?
I know here in israel everyone has school on isru chag this year so we all go back to work and school and dont have an extra day to turn evetything back.
Also, most people want to have chametz.
I think if you are being hosted and still staying there after pesach, you really just hqve to allow your husband to help.

amother

Lavender ↓

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 2:46 am

I answered no but only because we're not organized enough to finish it all motzei YT. We do the brunt of it at night and often work through the night, but then putting all the boxes into the storage room usually ends up waiting for the next day. I've never heard of anyone intentionally waiting until the next day to flip back.

teachkids ↓

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 3:49 am

My parents have always flipped back motzei but this year my siblings didn't come and I have a baby who is up half the night so I just told them I'll be going to bed right after havdalah. They plan on staying pesachdik through shabbos

amother

Daffodil

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 4:20 am

Can I make a suggestion? Wash everything and switch to complete disposable for the second days. Make all your meals fleishigs. No pots use containers and aluminum pans. Plastic for dishes and cutlery. Everything should be packed away last day chol hamoed. Even salt shakers. Keep out 1 knife, 1 serving spoon. All that you gerd done motzai Yom tov is the 3-4 dishes a tablecloth load, water ern and counters.

amother

Cerulean

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 4:39 am

My parents and in laws both ALWAYS flip back motzei Pesach (I did the same the 1 year that I made) because who wants pesachdik the next day??? Thought that was normal...
Personally though, as long as there are enough people around anyone nursing/flying/has special circumstances is excused. No one has to ask to get excused my parents and in laws just trust that whoever can work will work and everyone works to the best of their ability. We are usually turned back by 11/12 at night.

amother

DarkGreen

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 4:55 am

It's often just me and DH doing most of the work, my kids are only now getting old enough to seriously help and our kitchen isn't big enough for too many helpers anyhow.

We don't get really started until after putting the younger kids to sleep, which is pretty late already. It is rare that the kitchen is totally chometz ready by the next morning. We usually have to use our pre-Pesach methods with the toaster in the dining room etc.

But then again I'm not chometz starved and could happily eat Pesach food for another month if it wasn't so much work!

amother

Yolk

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 5:04 am

amother Dill wrote:

You have some nerve. It's not that I don't sympathize with you; I do. But I object to your complaints. Your hosts have made it possible for you to get away with not making Pesach. They fed you and your family for a week. So your DH will help them turn their home back--that's the least he can do. It won't kill him. If you had had to make Pesach in your home you would both be a he--- of a lot more tired. It's beyond chutzpah for you to even dream about your hosts changing their plans to suit Your Highness's preferences. You don't like it? Stay home and make Pesach yourself.

Guess what, I would've agreed with you except this year we made Pesach for the first time and it was so so much easier to do it on our own. Clean to our OWN standards, pack away only few items because we're way less people, not many couples and kids.

Not everyone goes to their parents for the convenience. Our parents want us to come not so much for the company, but for the help... We're not a big family so doesn't take all that much to host. I host plenty on Shabbosim so I know.

So you never know who is "helping" who by hosting/being hosted.

creditcards ↓

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 5:15 am

amother OP wrote:

Thanks.
I wish I could but my toddler has been extremely clingy while recovering and my baby needs to nurse often.
It’s hard to believe it’s common to stay up till 2 am just so you can have cheerios for breakfast, instead of getting a full night sleep and turning over the next day.

Many people go to sleep regularly at 2 am. For me it's much easier to go to sleep late and get up late. It's hard for me to get up early. Not cherrios. We want fresh hot pizza on motzei pesach after everything is packed away.

↑ creditcards ↓

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 5:20 am

amother OP wrote:

I’ve never been this sleep deprived in my life. I’ve been dizzy, nauseous, headaches, anxious. It’s gone from challenging to impossible. I went back to work when my baby was 9 weeks, my husband is home late every night like past 8 pm, and I’m doing pretty much everything around the house. From cooking to groceries to paying bills to cleaning. We can’t afford cleaning help. My toddler stopped napping. Im having to take him to appts left and right. Pumping and nursing non stop because my baby can’t have formula. I literally can’t catch a break. I’ve felt mom exhaustion but this is beyond. Trust me a couple weeks of Passover cleaning could be much easier than the nonstop exhaustion of the past few months. And for this I’m a royal highness? I feel like falling apart, I’d welcome the opportunity to be the Passover hosts who sleep through the night and get cleaning help.

When I'm sleep deprived cleaning can wait. I have a feeling you are being a perfectionist with your housekeeping and that will make you sleep deprived.

amother

Wine

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 5:24 am

So the bottom line seems to be that most people prefer to change back right after Pesach. The OP is a guest at her in-laws, and doesn't get to dictate what they do, especially since they follow normal practice.

On the other hand, she is in unusual circumstances this year, which deserves consideration from her hosts. She needs to discuss the situation with them, and come to some workable plan for both. This probably involves some compromise on both sides, and not blaming the other for doing something unusual (when it isn't) just because it doesn't work for them.

Put it into a 'Double Take' story, and we'd come back to the perennial conclusion that what is needed is communication.

Another mom

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 5:27 am

We all chip in and flip by 11- 12 at night. But aside from the dishes and cutlery, I take out the chametz pots and "Tupperware" etc. little by little the next day or 2. No need to go crazy after a VERY busy week.

↑ creditcards ↓

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 6:06 am

amother OP wrote:

He’d be up till past 2 flipping the kitchen, then we’ve been getting woken multiple times a night by either the toddler in pain or the baby. We have been trying to get to bed by like 10 or 11, never 2. So no, it wouldn’t be business as usual to get 4 hours of broken up sleep.

If he goes to sleep at 2, why can't he wake up at 8:00 and have a normal night. If he gets up at 8 he won't be able to help you?

amother

Molasses ↓

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 7:15 am

creditcards wrote:

If he goes to sleep at 2, why can't he wake up at 8:00 and have a normal night. If he gets up at 8 he won't be able to help you?

I'm guessing you don't have little kids...

My kids start the day between 5:30-6:30 and my husband takes them so I can get my uninterrupted 2 hours of sleep. If he can't take them then then you'll be annoyed at me that they're screaming and waking everyone up, because I just can't get up and deal with them on 4 broken hours either (10-12, 2-3, 4-5 is the true story of 2 nights ago)

amother

Nemesia

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 7:36 am

amother OP wrote:

What do your patents do?

95% of people I know switch back motzai yom tov.

Its not just the cheeeios, it will take alot longer without the deadline. And if youvare staying up till 2 the house will still be pesach durung lunch. Sure you can eat bahels oitside, buy the psychology is harder. Kids are running around.

Plus.many pple (luke my busband and me) have work the next day.

Still, if there will be no littke kids the next day (bc youre going home motzai) and your husband and others are available the next day, suggest it. For an adult house it might work.

amother

↑ Molasses ↓

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 7:45 am

tree of life wrote:

Not read all the post but I personally put away as much as I can and use foil containers as much for last days this way putting away things is not so stressful maybe suggest that

Ask your LOR, putting away dishes so you don't have to deal with it after yt may be a hachana problem

amother

↑ Royalblue

Sun, Apr 28 2024, 7:46 am

Op, each day of yt you should be taking a 3 hr nap while your husband or mil watches the kids. What you're dealing with is being dismissed by too many people here and is a true risk to your physical and mental health.
And please take as many sick days from work as you need post Pesach. You should get family leave for your toddler's surgery.