Mom are we rich? | Imamother

papermageling

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:31 pm

amother OP wrote:

Right exactly. Small purchases. When I do end up buying something because I deem it important they get confused all over again.

That's where talking about how small purchases add up when repeated helps, because it turns it into a larger number that's easier to understand in context.

amother

↑ Crimson ↓

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:33 pm

amother OP wrote:

Not at all! Really not! I have no idea what I’m doing wrong here.

Are your kids anxious types? Mine are , and my kids ask this. Like the other poster upthread, I find keeping things very vague works best. No, not today. Can we not afford it? Nothing to do with affording, were just not buying that today.

amother

Almond

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:35 pm

amother Freesia wrote:

I don’t think you should say it’s $6 more. I would have said a general no we aren’t spending that much. I try to phrase it in a way that doesn’t give them anxiety about money. And I find broad and vague terms better. Or we just aren’t getting that today with nothing about money. The fact they focus so much on it means they hear too much about it.

I disagree. If they’re asking, I think it’s fine to give the amount and say that you have the $6 (as in, you’re not poor) but you choose to spend the money on other things.

amother

Peach

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:37 pm

Re period and family planning

That is a personal conversation and I'm not sharing that information with you. I am happy to discuss feminine health and YOUR period but I am your mother and so MY period is a boundary.

Refine

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:40 pm

"we have money for all of the things we need and many of things we want. Not for everything we may slightly want at any moment. Right now, coffee is not high up on the wants list."

tichellady ↓

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:41 pm

These are all great questions. Questions about money are often questions about values. You can share what you think is worth spending money on and tell them when they are adults they can decide how they want to spend their money. Do they have an allowance? This is a way to figure out how they want to spend their own money.

You can explain that even rich people don’t like to waste their money and that different people have different ideas of what wasting money is since we all have different things we value.

You can talk about periods and family planning without making it personal. You can also explain about infertility and that having a child isn’t something everyone can just decide on and get

↑ tichellady

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:42 pm

Refine wrote:

"we have money for all of the things we need and many of things we want. Not for everything we may slightly want at any moment. Right now, coffee is not high up on the wants list."

That may not be true through. I think it’s more about values

amother

Honeysuckle

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:49 pm

We have what we need but our money is better spent elsewhere.

That's extremely high priced indulgence, when it cost pennies and a quick minute to make yourself at home, it could better help a family that doesn't have 6$ to buy even the basics of food or to invest for future or a hundred other places. It's basically wasteful and we work hard for our money and don't like throwing it out basically.

↑ chanatron1000 ↓

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:53 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

I don't think it's harmful to teach kids the concept of net income, disposable income and discretionary income. And it can reduce anxiety if they understand that you can be able to afford something but not want to prioritize it over something else.

amother

Strawberry

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 12:57 pm

amother OP wrote:

I like this thanks

When my kids ask about finances & if we're rich, my response is "we have a comfortable roof over our heads, a kitchen full of food, closets full of clothes & shoes, a room full of toys, camp & extra curricular & chol hamoed trips, you tell me if we're rich?" Makes them stop & appreciate what they have.
I also instill in my kids the value of not getting whatever they want right when they ask for it, even if it's a small thing. I want them to learn the concept of waiting & working towards something instead of getting whatever they want right away.

amother

↑ Crimson

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 1:04 pm

chanatron1000 wrote:

See my response upthread. I would say something like were choosing not to spend on this right now, or we don't think it's the best use of our money.

I feel like getting too detailed and technical.in either direction (we only have a limited amount and there are more important things to buy OR we could easily buy it but bshittah choose not to) will just feed our kids' anxiety. At their ages (preteens) this doesn't need to be on their minds at all

amother

↑ OP ↓

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 1:05 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

Not really. Just very curious and socially conscious.

amother

Bone

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 1:07 pm

My kids ages 9 and 6 have been asking a lot about how much things cost!
I grew up with a financially anxious parent and I have terrible financial anxiety myself. Trying to shield my kids from that but time will tell.

One dc asked how much is a car and told me they don’t want to buy a car, they want to get rides everywhere to avoid wasting money 🙈 I told them a car is a worthwhile purchase and they can shop around for a good deal, they don’t need the most expensive car but they should get a car that works well so they can do chesed with etc

Another kid asked me how much we paid for our house bec they’re afraid they can’t pay for a house one day! This is way too young to be worried about such a thing!

I try living by example by not wearing logos and not driving a fancy car, but yes spending on tickets to a great concert with good seats so we can enjoy and yes going on vacation once in a while (not posting or bragging about it).

I’m enjoying all the responses on this thread

amother

Natural

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 1:07 pm

The point isn’t to make them acknowledge if you’re rich or not. Kids know if they’re in the have or have not category very quickly. They want to know they’re provided for. Whether you make 10,000 or 100,000 or a million a year is irrelevant.
If you go to a Pesach hotel, summer camp, family vacation, EY for Sukkos, Miami for Shabbos Chanukah, skiing or Europe for midwinter, your kids will know if you have money.

↑ chanatron1000 ↓

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 1:09 pm

amother Crimson wrote:

IMO, preteens are old enough to start learning about financial stuff and build basic financial skills.

Bleemee

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 1:09 pm

amother Gardenia wrote:

My parents (well off, but surrounded by people wealthier than them) handled it by talking about tradeoffs.

Yes, you could buy a hot drink. But if you did that twice a week, how much did you spend that year on just drinks? Is that how you wanted to spend that money, or was there something you would have rather purchased with that amount of money?

But if you have more money then it’s not really just about trade off. Because you could likely have both without thinking.
To some families a Slurpee is a luxury and to some it’s a given.

↑ chanatron1000

Fri, Mar 29 2024, 1:18 pm

Bleemee wrote:

But if you have more money then it’s not really just about trade off. Because you could likely have both without thinking.
To some families a Slurpee is a luxury and to some it’s a given.

People have different amounts of discretionary income, but everything always comes at the cost of something else. Sometimes it's a tiny amount of money and doesn't make a significant dent, but you can't spend the same dollar twice. For most families, $312 a year isn't nothing. So twice weekly $6 hot cocoas can come at the cost of a hypothetical weekly sushi roll, or an extra family cell phone, or a microwave oven.