bride and groom dancing (NOT the mitzva tantz)

Raisin

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 8:49 am

amother wrote:

I once saw a chosson wink at his kallah. I was appalled. Do we all really need to see such public displays? I'm glad that my husband never so much as looks in my direction. Who needs it? What good can possibly come from such behavior?

I'm also not for public displays, but do you mean in private at home your husband doesn't look at you?? You gotta be joking.

this is quite clearly sarcastic. I'm not accusing you clarissa, cause last time I did that I was wrong. It's not quite your style either.

octopus

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 10:27 am

I never heard of a bride and groom dancing with each other, unless they were not so religious. That was until I saw a classmates pictures of her sister's wedding- and she was dancing with her chosson! Imagine my shock!

Anyway- I don't like it. That's my opinion.

Also, there can be things that are worse than slow dancing. I once attended a persian wedding, and the chatan and the kallah were shimmying at each other.

↑ Clarissa

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 10:56 am

We danced together. We had separate dancing for 3/4 of the reception, and then had a small set of music for people who wanted to dance with their spouses, since we had many guests who weren't frum.

mamacita

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 10:56 am

My dh and I didn't dance together but I did dance with my father when the men were busy doing something else and no one but ladies were watching. Some lady had the nerve to make a rude, negative comment about it to my mom beforehand and both my parents were almost in tears. I understand that it's not everyone's derech, just be careful with whom and how you share your opinion. Tongue Out

I was beyond mortified everytime I was dragged to the men's side to watch the dancing. Hello!!!! I'm wearing a big white dress, how can I not be noticed?? I felt like I couldn't get out of it especially since my dh did some shtick for me. I still blush thinking about it and you can definitely tell I'm embarrassed in the pics! oy

↑ Motek ↓

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 11:10 am

Lady Godiva wrote:

OP: I've seen it all. Bride and groom slow dancing too. Don't think too deeply into it. Everybody has their customs. I think like others have written, that what's expected and accepted in the community that is okay (usually) in that community.

So you're saying that anything that people do is okay? Somehow, that doesn't sound quite right on a frum forum Confused

Mimisinger ↓

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 11:30 am

Motek wrote:

Lady Godiva wrote:

So you're saying that anything that people do is okay? Somehow, that doesn't sound quite right on a frum forum Confused

Why can't people have their own opinions? Why can't people have their own customs? I've been to a Bobov wedding (very frum) and chassan and kallah danced together - no long string or whatever at the ended of the mitzvah tantze. Is this wrong? It's not your derech. Perhaps having not enough ahavas yosroel "doesn't sound quite right on a frum forum Confused

↑ freidasima ↓

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 11:38 am

I've seen it all and when done "beta'am" it seems just fine. There are lines that you don't cross but having a chossen and kallah dance, a father and his daughter the kallah dance, a grandfather and his granddaughter the kallah dance...if it's your custom, why not?

Everything is what you are used to.

mom21n2 ↓

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 11:50 am

Raisin wrote:

amother wrote:

I'm also not for public displays, but do you mean in private at home your husband doesn't look at you?? You gotta be joking.

this is quite clearly sarcastic. I'm not accusing you clarissa, cause last time I did that I was wrong. It's not quite your style either.

At first I thought it was Clarissa, but then I decided she would not have posted anonymously. I suppose I'll have to spend all day guessing, unless you want to confess ...?

↑ mom21n2

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 11:53 am

Lani22 wrote:

I danced with my husband at my wedding. it was so nice and definately my best memory from the entire evening.

My DH ignored me during the whole wedding, and we danced together also.

↑ Lady Godiva ↓

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 11:53 am

Motek wrote:

Lady Godiva wrote:

So you're saying that anything that people do is okay? Somehow, that doesn't sound quite right on a frum forum Confused

Relax and read again. Did I say "Anything people do..." or did I say "What's expected and accepted in the community..."?

↑ Lady Godiva

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 11:54 am

Mimisinger wrote:

Motek wrote:

Lady Godiva wrote:

So you're saying that anything that people do is okay? Somehow, that doesn't sound quite right on a frum forum Confused

↑ Motek

Fri, Aug 22 2008, 4:09 pm

mimisinger and lady godiva - "derech" and "customs" imply that they are approved halachic actions or legitimate Jewish practice

So I'll ask again - is it halachically acceptable, is it a legitimate Jewish practice, for chasan and kalla to dance together? For father and daughter to dance together in public?

↑ freidasima

Sat, Aug 23 2008, 2:58 pm

Is there a source which shows that there is a halachic impediment to either a chossen with tahora kallah or a father with daughter dancing at that daughter's chassuneh? And obviously we are not talking about "cheeck to cheek" dancing but about the holding hands type!

ChossidMom

Sat, Aug 23 2008, 3:25 pm

btw, my nephew married his Rosh Yeshiva's daughter and I have a picture of the rav dancing with his daughter on the women's side. It was very short but it was caught on camera! No husband and wife dancing though (although the chosson did sing for his kallah)

mama-star

Sat, Aug 23 2008, 9:35 pm

Quote:

So I'll ask again - is it halachically acceptable, is it a legitimate Jewish practice, for chasan and kalla to dance together? For father and daughter to dance together in public?

motek, I think if people have this minhag then it is okay. someone wrote on another thread (trying to remember the thread and the poster but I can't) that there's a difference between "kissing" and kissing. so too I think with this. there's dancing and then there's dancing. we have a torah and we are told to be modest. I don't think it's immodest for a kallah to dance with her father or grandfather, in an appropriate manner. and the same with a kallah and her chosson. again, I don't feel comfortable with a chosson/kallah slow dance, if their bodies are pressed together, etc., I just don't think that's modest (personally). but the other things...why not?

btw, I have seen women dancing by weddings in the ladies' section and it was plenty immodest. it doesn't have to be a mixed gender thing to be a modesty issue.

↑ Mimisinger

Sat, Aug 23 2008, 9:57 pm

Motek wrote:

I think you answered yourself. If it's one's "custom" for a chasson and kallah to dance together and a custom, or minhag implies "approved halachic actions or legitimate Jewish practice," then yes it's "halachically acceptable".

So, while for MY derech it might not be ok, I don't see how it would not be halachically permissible when I have to been to a VERY frum wedding, with rabbeim galore, etc. and the chasson and kallah danced together.

↑ Crayon210

Sun, Aug 24 2008, 4:19 pm

Also, I hope people realize that there is a differentiation being made between the mitzvah tantz (though no one has explained why a woman can dance in front of men on her wedding day), and regular mixed dancing between husband and wife on their wedding day. That might be where some of the confusion is coming from. There is no "minhag" for the bride and groom to have the first dance with their song playing, etc.