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Forum
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-> Simcha Section
Brit in Israel
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 Tue, Jan 23 2024, 2:45 pm
| amother Gardenia wrote: | I was at a bris recently where the mother of the baby was kvatter with her (single) brother. I thought it was such a beautiful way to honor him at the Simcha.
At my son's bris, we gave kvatter to my grandmother and cousin (my grandfather is no longer alive, and we couldn't name for him because of shared names in the family, so we gave my grandmother kvatter as a way of honoring my grandfather A"H).
Anecdotally, I was at a bris where the kavtter didn't directly pass the baby to each other. There was a large chair at the mechitza, and the woman put down the baby on the chair, and the man picked him up and carried him into the men's section. I was told this is standard practice in that community to avoid issues in case the kvatter is niddah. |
In Ger Chassidus they don't do it with couples but rather siblings or mother to son or daughter to father.
This is the experince we had when my sil made a bris, she is married toa Ger chossid and they asked my mil to pass the baby to my DH.
We were kvatter for my sil making a bris, my son was born exactly a year after that baby, they share hebrew birthdays. My sis was Kvatter for that son, (they suffer from infertility, we had asked before if they would want to or if we should ask someone else) their son was born 10 months later, after over 6 yrs of IVF. a different sis was kvatter for them and had a baby 9 month later. BH it stopped there as my parents were Kvatter  (it was a covid bris) Im sure the Zechus helped them in a different way.
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amother
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 3:20 pm
| peace2 wrote: | | Why can't a couple in niddah do it? They can put the baby down on a table or chair. They might not want to but I don't know why they couldn't |
The whole point of Kvatter is that the baby should be passed from mother to father, but since they are Nidda we add a middle man and woman. So there's really no point if Nidda.
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Chayalle
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 3:24 pm
| amother Milk wrote: | | The whole point of Kvatter is that the baby should be passed from mother to father, but since they are Nidda we add a middle man and woman. So there's really no point if Nidda. |
Source?
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lamplighter
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 4:20 pm
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Anyone can be kvatter aside for a pregnant woman.
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amother
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 4:23 pm
| peace2 wrote: | | Why can't a couple in niddah do it? They can put the baby down on a table or chair. They might not want to but I don't know why they couldn't |
Your asking for a halachic source? We don't do it for tznius but I'm not sure if there's a source that says a couple who's nidda can't be kvater.
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amother
Tulip
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 4:25 pm
| peace2 wrote: | | Why can't a couple in niddah do it? They can put the baby down on a table or chair. They might not want to but I don't know why they couldn't |
Then what would be the point? Then the parents would just do it themselves
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amother
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 4:25 pm
[quote="amother Honey"]You can give kvater to anyone except a couple in niddah. Chosson and kallah are not a couple in niddah.
You are 💯 wrong.
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amother
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 4:26 pm
| amother Milk wrote: | | The whole point of Kvatter is that the baby should be passed from mother to father, but since they are Nidda we add a middle man and woman. So there's really no point if Nidda. |
You're wrong.
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Chayalle
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 4:26 pm
| amother Mulberry wrote: | | Your asking for a halachic source? We don't do it for tznius but I'm not sure if there's a source that says a couple who's nidda can't be kvater. |
I've heard from Rabbanim that it's not a problem, so I'm pretty sure there's no Halachic issue.
Practically speaking, I've preferred not to announce my personal status to others, and have declined kvatter when I was a niddah.
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amother
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 4:26 pm
| lamplighter wrote: | | Anyone can be kvatter aside for a pregnant woman. |
Huh? Why can’t a pregnant woman do it?
Re niddah- my KT taught me a trick to use two pillows (one on top with baby and one on bottom). Woman holds the bottom pillow and man takes the top pillow so it’s not considered passing.
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amother
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 4:27 pm
| amother Tulip wrote: | | Then what would be the point? Then the parents would just do it themselves |
Kvater is a kibbud, that's why parents don't do it themselves. Nothing to do with nidda.
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amother
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 4:28 pm
| Chayalle wrote: | I've heard from Rabbanim that it's not a problem, so I'm pretty sure there's no Halachic issue.
Practically speaking, I've preferred not to announce my personal status to others, and have declined kvatter when I was a niddah. |
Exactly, like I said I wouldn't do it for tznius purposes. It's no one's business where I'm up to.
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Chayalle
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 4:30 pm
| amother Mulberry wrote: | | Exactly, like I said I wouldn't do it for tznius purposes. It's no one's business where I'm up to. |
to me that's not a tznius reason. (tznius to me = Halacha). It's a my-personal-comfort reason.
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amother
Peach
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 4:32 pm
I was kvatter in my 9th month of pregnancy.
we actually asked 5 different rabannim because we 'heard' that you aren't supposed to. None of them knew what we were talking about and said I can gladly do it.
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peace2
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 4:52 pm
| amother Chocolate wrote: | Huh? Why can’t a pregnant woman do it?
Re niddah- my KT taught me a trick to use two pillows (one on top with baby and one on bottom). Woman holds the bottom pillow and man takes the top pillow so it’s not considered passing. |
How would that work? The pillow and baby are still on her arms so he's taking it from her. Can you take something from your spouse if it's on top of a pile he's holding while niddah?
For pregnant women - people avoid doing it because of ayin hara
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amother
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 4:56 pm
| peace2 wrote: | How would that work? The pillow and baby are still on her arms so he's taking it from her. Can you take something from your spouse if it's on top of a pile he's holding while niddah?
For pregnant women - people avoid doing it because of ayin hara |
Actually, regarding passing specifically a baby, DH asked and was told that one spouse may take the baby from the other spouse's hands if the baby has to be passed while niddah. The one holding can't assist with the passing, the one taking has to lift the baby out of the others arms. If it's an option to put the baby down instead of direct passing, then that is obviously preferred.
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peace2
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 5:03 pm
| amother Gardenia wrote: | | Actually, regarding passing specifically a baby, DH asked and was told that one spouse may take the baby from the other spouse's hands if the baby has to be passed while niddah. The one holding can't assist with the passing, the one taking has to lift the baby out of the others arms. If it's an option to put the baby down instead of direct passing, then that is obviously preferred. |
Interesting. Will definitely ask about that!
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lamplighter
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 5:07 pm
I asked a rav about being pregnant and kvatter as was explained that it's supposed to be 2 people carrying the baby and in the case of pregnancy there is a third person.
Ohhh the joys of turning down kvatter and people smirking thinking they "get it BH".
Thank you Hashem for my precious children and not having to answer to these requests anymore.
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amother
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Tue, Jan 23 2024, 5:18 pm
| peace2 wrote: | How would that work? The pillow and baby are still on her arms so he's taking it from her. Can you take something from your spouse if it's on top of a pile he's holding while niddah?
For pregnant women - people avoid doing it because of ayin hara |
I think so if it’s big enough? Idk bht this KT’s father is a big Rav and I know she asked him a lot of shailahs. So I am comfortable with that and have used that psak. She also taught me a trick (she said according R’ Moshe-just checked my notes) when post partum/ niddah with a baby that if you have a blanket on your lap, DH can put take baby from the blanket.
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