My husband thinks he has a business but really doesn't

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Forum -> Working Women

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amother

OP ↓

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 6:08 pm

My husband keeps talking (as in for the past decade) about his "business". It's NOT a business. To me business= something that makes money. He doesn't make any money. He talks about "doing business" and "networking" but he literally doesn't make money. In the beginning he would rent a place to work and even hired people. That was a disaster and put us into debt until I adamantly demanded that he stop spending money we don't have. Now this all sounds like I am super negative - actually it's the opposite. I've tried to be kind, encouraging, warm, hopeful, I don't offer any advice or comments -only encouragement. I only demanded that he stop paying rent and workers since that was thousands of dollars a month in money we don't have. Other than that as long as we are not actually losing money I go along with it. But this is a disaster - he doesn't have a business but he doesn't see it this way. He spends months and months on a website, months on a business card, he spent a year cold calling, another one knocking on doors. It's pathetic to even write this all out.

I'm at my wits end. We've tried having calm conversations about maybe getting a job to generate income over the years to no avail.

So I ask - specifically working women - if you own a business please confirm it is not a business unless you actually make money?

behappy2

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 6:27 pm

It's a business that is hemorrhaging money. Is he selling something? Then it's a business.

But OP, I think that is really beside the point! Sounds like a crazy situation!

amother

Ecru

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 6:40 pm

What is his actual business? Has he made any sales?

If he hasn’t proven the concept in a decade I think it’s time to call it quits

WhatFor

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 7:15 pm

I don't agree necessarily that it's not a business until you're making money. Many and possibly most businesses require an investment at first, which puts owners into debt, until they start earning back the investment and actually making money.

But in your situation, it sounds like your DH keeps throwing money at a business that isn't taking off? What's going on there? Did he ever have a plan?

amother

Snowdrop

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 7:31 pm

Amazon didn’t make money for a long time
Uber doesn’t make money at this point
But they’re definitely businesses

So he may have a business but that doesn’t mean that what he’s doing makes any sense

amother

Opal

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 7:35 pm

What service is he providing or what product is he selling?

amother

Magnolia

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 7:36 pm

You might not have profit but you need revenue!

Growing

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 7:44 pm

business is a misunderstood topic

that said - the purpose of a business is to make money

there needs to be some plan in place for that to happen at one point

if he can explain how his business will eventually turn a dime and start to profit - great

if he can't maybe he can explain what needs to happen for him to realize that what he has in an expensive hobby

please approach this conversation delicately because you want a husband who wakes up energetic and interested to face the day and who believes in himself - not a deflated person who feels like a failure

you can always daven that your husband should bump into or befriend someone who will help him see the light

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 7:47 pm

It's a service -without going into detail and he has no customers to service. He is not losing money since he doesn't have any overhead at all but he is losing potential income from not having a job.

amother

Chestnut

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 7:49 pm

He's been setting up a business for ten years with no customers in all that time? How do you pay your bills?

amother

Yarrow

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 7:51 pm

You just described my husband almost to a T. Can't Believe It

Argh

amother

White

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 7:56 pm

If he has no customers what does he do all day? Maybe he can get a part time job and do his business part time. Or a full time job and do his business on the side. Until it starts being profitable. How do you pay the bills?

Rappel

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 8:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

It's a service -without going into detail and he has no customers to service. He is not losing money since he doesn't have any overhead at all but he is losing potential income from not having a job.

I'm sorry OP.

Most businessmen start off with a day job while they're still launching their concept.

Your husband sounds like he's living in a fantasy world.

As long as he's not taking food out of your children's mouths: you can back him up, and mourn the loss of income, or you can worry him about it, and maybe mourn the loss of his emotional stability.

Which makes most sense, is an individual decision.

amother

NeonPink

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 8:00 pm

amother OP wrote:

Not all businesses are lucrative all the time, unfortunately, and often even businesses that are eventually very successful still operate at a deficit in the beginning.

That said, you have my complete sympathy. It shouldn't take a decade to recognize that your business model isn't working and it's time to move on to something else. I commend you for being as kind and patient as you have been. I wouldn't have it in me to be supportive of such a charade for a decade.

amother

Pansy

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 8:02 pm

you described my husband to a t as well. hes only made 5k in the past 8 months. financial stress is always on my heart and mind, it eats away at you. I wish he would get a job in the meantime, but he insists this is his job and all beginnings are hard.
so so sorry.

amother

Ebony

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 8:17 pm

Im so sorry op

My husband has decided that the only job he can do necessitates him being away from his family for periods of time.
No exact timeframe.

Because we arent on the same page about this he doesnt work and says "I qm preventing him from doing what he wants to do".

amother

Firebrick

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 8:57 pm

I’m guessing he’s afraid to start from scratch. Is there anything you think he’d be good at? Anything he can train in? Is there someone he respects who can be a good mentor for him?

amother

Denim

Sun, Dec 17 2023, 9:15 pm

amother OP wrote:

It's a service -without going into detail and he has no customers to service. He is not losing money since he doesn't have any overhead at all but he is losing potential income from not having a job.

Can you reframe it for him and ask him directly to the point....."Is there any value in having a business if it's not generating profit/income"?

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