I don't even know where to begin...

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Nov 22 2023, 3:01 pm

Our daughter just became a kallah and we are making our first wedding.

I don't even know where to begin!

We are OOT so closest locations are Monsey and Lakewood.

I don't even know what halls are what...and dh wants it to be takana.

I don't even know where to begin!

I can't even figure put what day of the week to have the wedding! It's so confusing. Some family members want Sunday....but given that it's not near where we live, what would we do for Shabbos? It's not an easy drive to monsey or Lakewood...I can't imagine driving in the either one the day of the wedding!

We are still even trying to figure out where and when to have the vort. (Chosson is learning in Lakewood

Oh my, please help! I don't even have sisters who could give advice!

my mama

Wed, Nov 22 2023, 3:03 pm

Take a deep breath. Find out what the takana halls in both Monsey and Lakewood have to offer and then take it from there. The date of the wedding should work for you as well as the rest of your family. If it's in the winter, short Shabbos a Sunday wedding would technically not be that hard to swing if everything is ready from before Shabbos

You have a family full of sisters right here ready to help you. Very Happy

we might give you conflicting advice but that's what sisters do!

Last edited by my mama on Wed, Nov 22 2023, 3:04 pm; edited 1 time in total

amother

Gladiolus ↓

Wed, Nov 22 2023, 3:03 pm

Mazel tov! Many OOT people these days choose to make weddings in Lakewood. There are a number of takana options, and all are pretty decent. There is limited hall availability so you will want to try and book ASAP.

Sunday is probably best for others to travel in. You would definitely want to be in Lakewood for Shabbos (either by relatives, or check out Lakewood Hosts for houses you could rent.)

Chayalle ↓

Wed, Nov 22 2023, 3:13 pm

Mazal Tov!

If you make the wedding on Sunday, then if you are also making Shabbos Sheva Brachos here, your family will need to stay in the tristate area for a whole week. If this is the case, you are probably better off making it Wednesday or Thursday night.

However if you are making Shabbos Sheva Brachos in your OOT community, you can come in for the Shabbos before and make the wedding on Sunday night. Gives you time to get back and get things done for Shabbos where you live.

Decide if you want Monsey or Lakewood. Where do most of your family live? Where will it be easier for you to find a place to stay?

If Lakewood, call Bais Faiga, Ateres Riva, Fountain Ballrom, and Neemas HaChaim. There's also a new hall called Cedar Palace, they might have Takana, not sure. As each hall the following questions:
1. Dates available. They likely have all dates open from some point onward (like, example, March) but might have some earlier dates if you want a shorter engagement. Find out about those.
2. Ask each hall what their price is and what it includes. IOW what is the price for the Kallah, what is the price for the Chosson. Some halls' takana packages include everything (hall, catering, flowers, photography, and music) and some don't (just hall, catering, maybe some flowers and you need to get your own photography and music) so you want to know this, so you work out with the other side who pays for what.

I'm not sure what the Takana halls in Monsey are. I do know one niece got married in Valley Terrace (I believe either Takana or cheaper) and one in Ateres Charna (not cheaper).

If you plan to make Shabbos Sheva Brachos in Monsey or Lakewood, find out about that too - early. Someone joked to me that I should've booked that before the wedding hall! You want to know where you will stay and where you will have your meals.

Much Hatzlacha!

I recently made my first wedding BH and my close friend and my sister who made weddings shortly before me were my help and support system. If anyone in your community that is in a similar financial bracket to you has done this recently, reach out to them! They can help you with so much.

Simchos by everyone!

amother

DarkMagenta

Wed, Nov 22 2023, 3:23 pm

Mazal tov! It is seriously overwhelming. TBH the day of the wedding sometimes is just down to what day the hall is available when you want it. We only had Tuesday in the 2 week time we were looking to do it. Otherwise we'd have had to wait another month.
There isn't a perfect day to do it that will work for everyone. I would agree with the others regarding shabbos sheva brochos, but it depends whether oot family will be staying for it anyway.

amother

Stone ↓

Wed, Nov 22 2023, 3:51 pm

Mazel tov!

https://www.everythingwedding......allah

Excellent source of checklists, see drop down menu for all lists

Lakewood is better for takanah wedding.

Date will be set by when the hall is available, you really won't get a choice much.

Also book a rental house for before/ after the wedding, you cannot travel day of.

Regarding vort, just choose which location is most practical that chosson and kallah have friends there.

amother

Marigold

Wed, Nov 22 2023, 3:54 pm

amother OP wrote:

Mazal Tov!! Only nachas!!
1. Dont forget to work out the date with daughters "schedule".
2. Perhaps if you make the wedding on Sunday, you can drive out Motzai Shabbos and sleep in a frum air bnb close to the hall, and stay there to sleep after the wedding. The advantage of a Sunday wedding is that you have a week to recuperate before Shabbos Sheva Brachos. Since you are not making Shabbos Aufruf, you dont have to worry about being tired from that just before the Wedding.
3. Try to enjoy despite the inherent pressures. Develop your sense of humor. Laugh everything off. Try to protect your dd the Kallah from the stress of it all.
Hashem will help and soon enough you will be dancing at the wedding (may I suggest comfortable shoes!!).

amother

Magenta

Wed, Nov 22 2023, 6:55 pm

Valley Terrace is the Monsey Takana option. It’s beautiful but it’s smaller then the Lakewood halls and more money for what you’re getting. It’s also a smaller hall if that matters.
I personally would place value in how nice it is for the chosson if his friends are able to easily attend the wedding. And possibly for the kallah if her married friends live in Lakewood. We got married in Lakewood even though neither of us live there and that was a major benefit.

UQT

Wed, Nov 22 2023, 7:21 pm

Between carpools has a great list for marrying off a daughter. It’s broken down by the week so you know what you need to accomplish.
Before booking a hall, make sure the place you want to make shabbos Sheva brochos is available that weekend.
After you reserve a date if it’s in Lakewood immediately book hair and makeup.
Kallah teachers are very hard to get in Lakewood - not sure where you live. But it’s something to book immediately here.
Besides that focus on the vort and then do everything one step at a time!
I found the shaitels and furniture important to order in the beginning bec it takes time for them to come in.
Hatzlacha!

amother

↑ Stone

Wed, Nov 22 2023, 7:44 pm

amother OP wrote:

OP here: thank you so much for all the ideas!

Neither our family nor the chosson's family have any family in either Monsey or Lakewood. So we don't have anywhere to stay. Family on both sides will probably come in just for the day of the wedding, though as everyone is within driving distance

No idea where Sheva Brachos will be. I haven't even gotten that far!

You rent a frum air bnb type house rental. And buy takeout.

amother

Lightcyan

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 11:24 am

Just curious, if you don't have family in monsey or lakewood why are you making the wedding there? Wouldn't it be easier to make it in your oot town? Is it really much cheaper in these in towns?

No experience here, never made a wedding. Just wondering why you would want to deal with the travel etc.. most people I know of from OOT make weddings in Lakewood because they have so much family there that it's worth it to not make them all shlep in to their town. And they end up being a help the day before/of the wedding.

amother

↑ Gladiolus

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 12:07 pm

amother Lightcyan wrote:

The answer is yes.

My inlaws are OOT and although my sil was marrying a boy from the same town, they chose to make the wedding in Lakewood due to the savings.

↑ Chayalle

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 12:09 pm

UQT wrote:

I found the shaitels and furniture important to order in the beginning bec it takes time for them to come in.
Hatzlacha!

Sheitels, yes. Furniture, some of the places in Lakewood will give a couple a loaner bed until the furniture arrives (you can generally get mattresses in a day). You really just need beds, and maybe a card table and two folding chairs, if the furniture is still coming...

Where will the couple be living? Apartments is a biggee....DD's was supposed to be ready before RH, and it wasn't ready till after Succos....don't ask, it was nuts. BH all worked out, but they almost moved into my SIL's guest suite for a few days.

amother

↑ Mistyrose

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 12:12 pm

amother Lightcyan wrote:

Unless there is a kosher venue oot, it is much harder to make a wedding there. You have to arrange everything from importing a caterer who has to kasher the kitchen they will be using, to music, to flowers and centerpeices, to kallah chair, etc. In a wedding hall in lakewood or monsey or brooklyn, it's much easier and affordable.
Not to mention that oot communities don't always have hair and makeup artists, so you'd have to pay a fortune for them to travel to you.

amother

Red

Thu, Nov 23 2023, 12:42 pm

amother OP wrote:

If you have family anywhere nearby Lakewood or Monsey you can stay there for Shabbos. You don't have to be a 15 minute drive away. If you leave straight to the hall Sunday morning from Brooklyn you'll be fine.

I got married in Lakewood from Philadelphia. It was fine driving an 1 hr and 15 minutes the morning of.