S/O can't wrap my head around intentional hitting thread

amother

OP ↓

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 4:34 pm

I'm so triggered.
That woman clearly wasn't interested in changing her mindsets.
Those poor kids, innocent souls who Hashem gave us to nurture, and try our best to raise to be erliche yidden and kind, compassionate people.
I'm a mom for almost 2 decades, and have very regretfully hit my precious children, on very rare occasions. I was in an overwhelmed state,dealing with stressful situations. Not okay on my part AT ALL,just giving some background. My kids did NOTHING to deserve it. Because I believe that a child can't ever do anything which deserves a potch.
And I apologised to them afterwards, and hugged and cuddled them as well. I also reassued them that I love them, and they didn’t do anything to deserve it.
But to intentionally??!! hit your precious kid?
What can a child possibly do that can't be dealt with differently?
I'm super far from being a perfect parent, but I love my kids a lot, even though they can be super challenging. But hitting as a tool is b"h not an option.
I can only daven that I have the mental health and inner calm to use healthier, way more effective methods.
There, had to get it off my chest.

amother

Cyan

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 4:44 pm

A soft potch can do wonders, esp in younger children who ignore you or don't understand your words.

The funny part is that you keep talking about how sometimes you hit & regret it- and it was out of anger- but when someone chooses to give a soft smack as part of intentional chinuch and it was predetermined, there is absolutely nothing wrong with it in my opinion.

This is not 'beating'.

NechaMom

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 4:50 pm

amother OP wrote:

That op was abused herself and never healed enough to break the cycle. Did you read the post from her relative?
It’s very heartbreaking! I hope she will take the suggestions to heart.

amother

Leaf ↓

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 5:00 pm

Part of the problem is how some people always always jump to normalize hitting.
Hitting is not normal!
In irregular situations I can hear why someone would be tempted to otch but to make a thing out of it because someone here or anywhere told her it's OK?? Whatever trauma and abuse the kids might suffer are in the heads of those who poo-poo it.

challah58 ↓

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 5:06 pm

What is even the logic? Hitting as a response to anything your child does is teaching them nothing good.
It teaches that it's ok to hit as long as you believe you have a good reason.
It's teaching that derech eretz means nothing, and that we show respect to our parents and listen to them just because they're bigger and stronger.
It's teaching distrust towards the people who should be the most trusted by our children.

Ironically, giving a potch because you lost control of yourself for a minute is far less scary to me and far less damaging than the calm, premeditated game of hitting described in the other thread...

amother

↑ Red ↓

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 5:08 pm

amother Maize wrote:

I agree.
My husband hit once and I told him If he does it again he is never going to see the kid again.

If this is true, you've got issues bigger then your husband hitting your kid once.

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 5:11 pm

amother Cyan wrote:

OK, describe a scenario where a 4yr old ''needs" to be hit softly as a " chinuch technique "
I know I'll regret this Hiding

amother

Nemesia

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 5:11 pm

amother Maize wrote:

I agree.
My husband hit once and I told him If he does it again he is never going to see the kid again.

How is this different than hitting? It's using threats and control as a method of gaining compliance.

amother

↑ Mistyrose ↓

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 5:14 pm

Why in the world do we want to have another round of judemental arguments about this? Different people are at different places with different things. Hashem made us all different. We're different. We all do stuff that is incomprehensible to some other people - that's how Hashem made the world work🤷🏼‍♀️

amother

↑ Leaf ↓

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 5:15 pm

amother Cyan wrote:

What is a soft potch? I didn't know the strength varies. The potch will be remembered as exactly what it was, a potch.

amother

Khaki ↓

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 6:18 pm

amother Cyan wrote:

Why would a kid care if they get a soft smack? If it doesn’t hurt how does it deter them?

amother

↑ Red ↓

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 6:19 pm

amother Jetblack wrote:

My toddler pushed my baby under the bath water. Does that warrant a potch?

How does this happen if a parent is right there supervising?
If a parent wasn't supervising, then the parent deserves a potch.

amother

Mustard

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 6:22 pm

amother Jetblack wrote:

My toddler pushed my baby under the bath water. Does that warrant a potch?

No, it warrants better supervision so that this won’t happen. Toddlers don’t understand drowning, it’s up to their parents to keep babies safe around them.

BrisketBoss

Sun, Nov 19 2023, 6:34 pm

amother Khaki wrote:

Why would a kid care if they get a soft smack? If it doesn’t hurt how does it deter them?

The idea is that the child 'knows they have been punished.' They are in disgrace. The parent, not trusting the child, tries to create a negative emotional experience to keep the child in line.