My 4 year old slapped me

amother

Celeste

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 7:00 am

She's only 4. I wouldn't worry to much. My 4 yr old slapped my husband yesterday. He just took her hands off and said "we don't hit totty, let's try using words, why are you upset? "
It's happened before here and there with our now older children and none of them hit us now (preteens and teenagers)....

amother

↑ OP

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 7:04 am

Grocery shopping for basics m"s. I said no to candy bc we didnt have money to buy it he got frustrated and threw a tantrum and hit his younger brother. I told him we dont make hurt and I know he really wants that candy but mommy says no. Then he slapped me from frustration.

watergirl

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 7:05 am

This is so normal for that age and really not an issue. Sometimes they hit out of anger, sometimes they just have a lot of feelings and don’t know what to do with them so they wind up hitting.

Use as few words as possible. Say firmly “hands are not for hitting”. And then ask if your child is hungry or sad or having another big feeling that they need help expressing.

giftedmom

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 7:11 am

amother OP wrote:

My toddlers do that when they’re overtired, overstimulated or both

B'Syata D'Shmya

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 7:46 am

watergirl wrote:

I agree, I wouldnt make a big deal if it happened once. I would redirect the hands to where they should be. Of course he should be told hands are not for hitting. I might ask, who do you see hitting? (sometimes its a learned behavior from playgroup).
If it happens a second time, I endorse the time-out corner.

If you overreact, he might feel it is a powerful tool to get your attention.

amother

Holly

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 7:54 am

Please get a Janet Lansbury’s book “no bad kids”. It will change toddlerhood, and how you interact with your toddlers.

#BestBubby

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 8:01 am

I don't think a 4 y.o. is a baby or toddler.

I would be very serious and tell Child

You are never, never, never, ever, ever, ever,
Allowed to hit a mother or father.

Never, never, ever, ever!

This must never happen again. Do you understand?

amother

Daisy

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 8:12 am

I think it’s a stage they go through. My kids did this when they were frustrated age 18m and they understood to stop at around 3.

Just hold kid’s hand and say “we don’t hit. We make nice״ and show him / her. I think if you make it into a big deal than it turns into one. Kids will do what they get attention for.

amother

Phlox

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 8:21 am

My kids were much younger, but when I reinforced instead of No hitting, I always reinforced in the positive. No, we don’t do that. Hashem gave us hands for mitzvahs. What mitzvahs can you do with the hands Hashem gave you. (Same if they kicked or bit).

Rachel Shira

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 8:27 am

Not a big deal at all. Of course you should tell them in the moment “hands are not for hitting” and do whatever you need to do like remove them from the store, etc. They’re old enough to be able to use words if they were regulated, so you can discuss better options with him at another, calmer time.
The fact that he hit you and not a little sibling or a friend is irrelevant. I don’t think kibbud av v’eim comes into play with a 4 year hitting a parent. They don’t differentiate when they’re upset.

notshanarishona

Sun, Nov 12 2023, 8:44 am

My 4 year old has hit me before in frustration. I just tell him no hurting similarly to when he hits his sibling. When he is ready to not hurt, he can go back to playing.