Ds 5 wants to wear nail polish

amother

OP ↓

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 7:22 pm

My 5 year old ds loves pretty things and he really wants to wear colored nail polish. Every time I get a manicure he begs me to polish his nails, too. How would you handle this? He's my oldest child and I'm really unsure what to do.

amother

NeonYellow

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 7:25 pm

Hi my sons wanted to wear makeup like me. I don't have daughters. I explain it's for girls or mommies. When they keep at it (one of my sons was persistent) I bought face paint and we had a Fun Sunday. Every so often he remembers about it and it's fun for all the kids.

amother

↑ OP

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 7:30 pm

amother NeonYellow wrote:

I like this idea, maybe one day I'll let him paint his nails and wash it off in the bath.

amother

Aster

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 7:35 pm

Firstly don't worry about it, it's very common and normal at this age and my now very macho boys used to ask for nail polish and lipstick at that age.

Secondly I would either tell him "this is for mommies and girls, you have your special things for boys like yarmulke and tzitzis" OR I would find some way to let him do it occasionally like the suggestions above. I think you have to know your community environment to know which would be better for him socially, you don't want friends seeing and teasing him. It's not like lipstick for example that comes off so easily. Personally I prefer the first option because I would want to establish that it's not something for him since I don't want him coming back at age 10 asking for it again. But I can totally see it going either way and I think that's your call, just see which option sits better with you.

amother

Mistyrose

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 7:40 pm

Like any number of other things that are inappropriate, I would tell him no. I would say softly, like, no this is for girls and/ or mommies. And then I would move on, repeat as necessary.

There are going to be myriads of things your children are going to want to do that you will have to say no to. Some will be unhealthy. Some will be unsafe. Some will be inappropriate. Some will be assur. Some will simply be not your preference for how your family behaves. In all these circumstances and more than I am forgetting, you will say no. Firmly, lovingly, gently, unwaveringly. It is so good for kids to hear no.

Rappel

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 7:44 pm

You can give him a manicure without polish, and teach him about hand hygiene. He'll have been petted and played with by you, and his curiosity will be satisfied.

amother

Seablue

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 10:15 pm

My 5 year old son is like this too. He only has older sisters for siblings and they used to dress him up when he was younger like their own live doll. He likes doing things like me or his sisters because that's what he knows. DH isn't around as much between work and shul. DS likes dressing like Abba on Shabbos and learning with Abba and helping Abba in the garden on Sundays, so I don't worry about it so much. I'll pretend to put makeup on him if he asks and I've allowed my girls to paint his pinky toenail if they're doing their own nails and he asks. Not in the summer though, because I didn't want him to get teased at camp. I figure he'll outgrow it as he spends more time with boys and men instead of us ladies. And if he doesn't then we'll cross that bridge when we come to it, but I really don't think that will be an issue.

amother

Blushpink ↓

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 11:05 pm

I would establish a boundary now and say no. This is as someone whose son is older and is still showing very feminine signs and we weren't careful enough, we thought it was cute and harmless until it wasn't.

I don't think encouraging it and then "crossing the bridge when you get to it" (e.g. if it's actually concerning) is a good idea. It's a good time to establish the Jewish values of being aware of your gender and what's suitable for it, especially in the day and age where everything goes.

B'Syata D'Shmya

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 11:09 pm

I would distract him with something else - a trip to the toy store or get him a small pet .
Maybe choose softer more neutral colors for your nails so they are less distracting?
He just wants to be like his Mommy.
Let him take out his creativity in art or legos, do tie dying t-shirts with him or whatever.

amother

Moonstone

Wed, Nov 08 2023, 11:45 pm

No
Teachable moment
Chinuch
Warmly and lovingly
Play up all the things he gets to do as a boy
Different roles responsibilities and privileges
It is what it is
Wouldn’t make a big deal out of it

amother

Honey

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 3:45 am

amother Blushpink wrote:

The idea that nail polish is inherently female is part of that "in the day and age" stuff. A man who wears nail polish is no less of a man.

amother

Vermilion ↓

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 4:02 am

singleagain wrote:

What if you do his toes, they will be in socks and shoes anyways?

While a great idea in theory, I dont think a good idea in practice.
What if he dorsnt wear shoes and socks? What if he wears flip flops or sandals?
What if he takes off his shoes? The other boys will either make fun or be intreaged as well.
I have a sibling whose son was very into nail polish. She bought him colorful little stickers he was allowed to put on his nails. But he was taught, from a young age that this is something for girls, not boys.

amother

Bluebonnet

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 4:12 am

Depends if its an idea he had in passing, in which case I would just say boys don't wear nail polish and move on to the next thing.
But if he persists I would get him an nail polish doll or tattoo markers for kids. Depending on where this is coming from.
If he really is the artsy creative type I would make sure that he gets lots of outlet for his talent as he grows.

amother

↑ Blushpink

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 4:20 am

amother Honey wrote:

The idea that nail polish is inherently female is part of that "in the day and age" stuff. A man who wears nail polish is no less of a man.

Seriously?! I think we're talking about a different day and age here - your view doesn't align with many halachos concerning men not "beautifying themselves" that come under lo yilbash.

amother

↑ Vermilion

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 4:56 am

amother Honey wrote:

The idea that nail polish is inherently female is part of that "in the day and age" stuff. A man who wears nail polish is no less of a man.

this is such a silly answer. So you think a guy coming to shul for mincha, with purple nail polish will be looked at in the same way one with no nail polish, or at a business meeting, or at a patent teacher meeting? I think not.
Nothing to do with being more or less manly.

SG18 ↓

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 6:07 am

I personally don't think that nail polish is age appropriate for a 5 year old, so I would say (to a boy or a girl): I'm sorry, we can think about it when you're older.
I doubt when he's 10 or 15 he'll be asking for nail polish.

↑ SG18

Thu, Nov 09 2023, 6:09 am

amother Honey wrote:

The idea that nail polish is inherently female is part of that "in the day and age" stuff. A man who wears nail polish is no less of a man.

I don't agree, I would say that this falls under בגד אישה and would be problematic, from a halachic status.
And it is viewed as feminine, even in the secular world.