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Forum
-> Pregnancy & Childbirth
-> Formula Feeding
smss
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 Sun, Aug 13 2023, 3:23 pm
It's terrible when any mother gets judged or gets nasty comments about the way she feeds her child.
What's common in the circles you run in will probably determine which type of feeding gets judged/commented on.
Everybody needs to stop.
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Queen Of Hearts
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Sun, Aug 13 2023, 4:05 pm
| amother Poppy wrote: | | Here’s a good example where the judgment starts slipping in. FF is actually ideal for many babies! |
Now, that's a narrow-minded statement.
So, if my babies nurse quickly, I have a good milk supply, and my babies gain weight nicely BH, I should FF instead? For no reason whatsoever?
Last edited by Queen Of Hearts on Sun, Aug 13 2023, 4:11 pm; edited 1 time in total
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amother
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Sun, Aug 13 2023, 4:11 pm
| Sweetmommy wrote: | | Now, that's a narrow-minded statement. |
I’m all for breastfeeding but it’s really not so narrow minded. Think of a baby allergic to so many things it affects the mothers mental health. Think of moms suffering from d mer. Think of moms unable to breastfeed for any reason at all. Formula is ideal for those babies because the other options might be to starve and die.
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Queen Of Hearts
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Sun, Aug 13 2023, 4:12 pm
| amother Tanzanite wrote: | | I’m all for breastfeeding but it’s really not so narrow minded. Think of a baby allergic to so many things it affects the mothers mental health. Think of moms suffering from d mer. Think of moms unable to breastfeed for any reason at all. Formula is ideal for those babies because the other options might be to starve and die. |
Of course FF is ideal when a mother can't or doesn't want to nurse. But Poppy was claiming that FF is ideal over BF.
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amother
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Sun, Aug 13 2023, 4:17 pm
| Sweetmommy wrote: | Now, that's a narrow-minded statement.
So, if my babies nurse quickly, I have a good milk supply, and my babies gain weight nicely BH, I should FF instead? For no reason whatsoever? |
No, of course you should BF. That’s not what I meant. What I’m saying is that your post is the judgement that the FF moms feel. Your line stating that no one should say that FF is ideal. Probably not exact quote but that’s the line BF moms keep repeating and making FF moms feel inferior this way.
Ideal is FED. Period.
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amother
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Sun, Aug 13 2023, 4:17 pm
| Sweetmommy wrote: | | Of course FF is ideal when a mother can't or doesn't want to nurse. But Poppy was claiming that FF is ideal over BF. |
I didn’t read it that way
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amother
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Sun, Aug 13 2023, 4:17 pm
| Sweetmommy wrote: | | Of course FF is ideal when a mother can't or doesn't want to nurse. But Poppy was claiming that FF is ideal over BF. |
No. I’m saying sometimes it is. Or for many babies it is. There’s no 1 ideal here.
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amother
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Sun, Aug 13 2023, 4:19 pm
| Sweetmommy wrote: | Now, that's a narrow-minded statement.
So, if my babies nurse quickly, I have a good milk supply, and my babies gain weight nicely BH, I should FF instead? For no reason whatsoever? |
So that works for you and your baby, great. But don't make it a general rule for everyone.
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Ema of 5
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Sun, Aug 13 2023, 4:21 pm
| Sweetmommy wrote: | Now, that's a narrow-minded statement.
So, if my babies nurse quickly, I have a good milk supply, and my babies gain weight nicely BH, I should FF instead? For no reason whatsoever? |
Huh? That’s not what she said at all! If your baby is gaining nicely and nursing is working for you, then why would you think to stop? A baby like mine, on the other hand, who was constantly projectile vomiting from 1 month old, and wasn’t gaining weight, formula was definitely better for him. There are many babies for whom formula is better. There are mommy moms for whom bottle feeding is better. No one should be judging anyone.
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amother
Camellia
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Sun, Aug 13 2023, 4:24 pm
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This is the first time I'm hearing this. I've experienced the other way around. I've never nursed a day in my life and the looks of shock I get and the numerous "Are you sure you don't want to try" reactions.
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smss
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Sun, Aug 13 2023, 4:28 pm
| Sweetmommy wrote: | Now, that's a narrow-minded statement.
So, if my babies nurse quickly, I have a good milk supply, and my babies gain weight nicely BH, I should FF instead? For no reason whatsoever? |
She didn't say that. She said it's more ideal for many babies. Not all.
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SuperWify
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Sun, Aug 13 2023, 4:35 pm
| amother OP wrote: | The amount of harassment and abuse I've taken, IRL and online, from FF mommies is astounding.
As they preach not to judge and "fed is best" they tell the EBF mother to stop nursing, that she's taking away from her husband, that she's neglecting her older children, that you can't run a home if you're nursing, that babies need a sane mommy more than they need breastmilk, that breastmilk has no value and it's all hype, that FF babies turn out healthier than BF babies and BF babies don't get enough nutrition. They see a BF mommy pumping and say her milk looks too thin, too blue, or it must be bad. They say it's more important to have another baby than to BF your current baby.
They hear that a mommy is tandem nursing and start lecturing over how the toddler is being babied and it's not healthy to nurse for so long, how the boundaries are blurred and the toddler is taking time and attention away from the baby, how the toddler needs to learn that the baby is the baby and they are the big brother/sister. FF mommies tell tandem nursing mommies that they are extreme, taking away from their husbands, obsessing about breastfeeding in an unhealthy way, that they need to get back to normal.
If you nurse more than a certain number of months then you are spoiling your baby, your baby will never grow up, your baby won't learn to eat solids properly, your baby won't grow, your milk is worthless by now and it's just water, you need to give it up - nursing is a nice luxury but not something that is appropriate for real-life after you go back from maternity leave.
I've had all of these comments from different people over the course of the years I've nursed. By now I blow them off. But when I was a young mother they really stung.
But then FF mommies come on board crying that BF mommies judge them and they feel pity for us.
Why don't the FF mommies just get off our backs and leave us alone, stop judging us and harassing us and claiming that we're judging them, stop pitying us and our husbands and kids, stop thinking that anyone who BFs more than two weeks lacks life experience. Stop saying that any BF mommy who defends her decision simply lacks empathy for the FF mommy.
Just stop it, bashing BF mommies doesn't make your position or decision any better, it doesn't make you a better mommy.
If FF mommies really believe that "fed is best" maybe they should stop bashing and harassing BF mommies. Don't pity us, don't harass us, don't tell us how your way is better, just go feed your baby and leave me to feed mine. And don't take the nursing corner in the clinic or the mall, thanks. |
Wow these comments are socially off. Hard to believe some people are so thick. What does BF have to do with taking away from your husband and why is yo your family planning their department?
I have done a mixture of both and got comments from both sides of the coin. You can only make yourself happy. Ring them out and get new friends!
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amother
Heather
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Mon, Aug 14 2023, 6:59 am
I'm chassidish and I nurse my babies until around 2 and then only do night feedings until a few months later.
I think that for the first 6 months women who don't breastfeed are "judged". After 6 months women who do breastfeed are judged. At a certain point after my baby is 1, I feel uncomfortable telling people I'm still nursing.
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amother
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Mon, Aug 14 2023, 8:36 am
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deleted. I don't need to add anything
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amother
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Mon, Aug 14 2023, 8:40 am
| amother Green wrote: | | I think OP is fishing for compliments...humble bragging etc |
Nope. Just sick of the judginess and comments and especially the gaslighting.
Nice try though.
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amother
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Mon, Aug 14 2023, 8:44 am
| amother OP wrote: | Nope. Just sick of the judginess and comments and especially the gaslighting.
Nice try though. | OP, you have been validated along this thread. You have argued against other's experiences as if to say that they don't equal your pain etc. Your title says it all- grouping ALL FF moms as a nasty monolith against sweet, pure BF moms. Then becoming irate when you're challenged or read something you don't agree with. There are actual problems in the world. Get a grip. And if you truly have been mistreated for BF, maybe just have a talk with the individuals who you feel have offended you instead of attacking other posters
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amother
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Mon, Aug 14 2023, 8:45 am
| amother OP wrote: | Nope. Just sick of the judginess and comments and especially the gaslighting.
Nice try though. |
I’m guessing you’re the same person who attacked my post from two months ago yesterday, saying that I’m disgusting because I feel pity for nursing moms because of how miserable nursing makes me. Just saying, you were the person you’re decrying to me. Judgy and gaslighting. Within the context of my post, it was clear that I was speaking from a place of pain and I know nursing is amazing when it works.
I’m sure you get actual negative comments about nursing but you misinterpreted what I had said because of your oversensitivity. You should put thought into whether that happens in your real life too, and you’re not being attacked as much as you feel you are.
I had a very hard weekend filled with stress and tension and your post attacking me was the cherry on top of it all that put it over the top and made me just feel absolutely miserable. I think I deserve an apology.
For context, the post I’m referring to is the last one on this page: https://www.imamother.com/foru.....rt=40
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amother
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Mon, Aug 14 2023, 8:55 am
| amother Green wrote: | | OP, you have been validated along this thread. You have argued against other's experiences as if to say that they don't equal your pain etc. Your title says it all- grouping ALL FF moms as a nasty monolith against sweet, pure BF moms. Then becoming irate when you're challenged or read something you don't agree with. There are actual problems in the world. Get a grip. And if you truly have been mistreated for BF, maybe just have a talk with the individuals who you feel have offended you instead of attacking other posters |
Let's be clear.
I have not said that no one else's experience is valid. The only thing I'm arguing are the assumptions about myself and why I started this thread. I'm not a troll, I'm not looking for praise, I'm not inventing stories just to stir the pot.
The stories are real and they're not just mine, plenty of BF moms experience the same as I do but somehow our experiences are less valid.
Sure there are "actual problems" in this world, but that doesn't make this problem less of a problem. And btw most of us are powerless to fix the "actual problems" in this world.
I don't need to be told to get a grip, I don't need posts asking what my problem is. If you don't like this thread feel free to scroll down and not open it. But the world will be a better place when everyone understands that no one has a monopoly on being judged, shamed, excluded, pressured, bullied, etc.
Also, most of the time it's not worth responding to the people attacking me. Because those kinds of people feed of the responses they get, but if you ignore them they find they're not getting the attention they seek so they go off to harass someone else.
But maybe the world would be a better place if they stopped seeking people to harass in the first place. And FTR I don't comment on FF moms' feeding choices, look at them funny, or make suggestions.
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amother
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Mon, Aug 14 2023, 9:04 am
| amother OP wrote: | Let's be clear.
I have not said that no one else's experience is valid. The only thing I'm arguing are the assumptions about myself and why I started this thread. I'm not a troll, I'm not looking for praise, I'm not inventing stories just to stir the pot.
The stories are real and they're not just mine, plenty of BF moms experience the same as I do but somehow our experiences are less valid.
Sure there are "actual problems" in this world, but that doesn't make this problem less of a problem. And btw most of us are powerless to fix the "actual problems" in this world.
I don't need to be told to get a grip, I don't need posts asking what my problem is. If you don't like this thread feel free to scroll down and not open it. But the world will be a better place when everyone understands that no one has a monopoly on being judged, shamed, excluded, pressured, bullied, etc.
Also, most of the time it's not worth responding to the people attacking me. Because those kinds of people feed of the responses they get, but if you ignore them they find they're not getting the attention they seek so they go off to harass someone else.
But maybe the world would be a better place if they stopped seeking people to harass in the first place. |
Didn't you open this thread to harass and attack all those who don't agree with you? Doesn't this post itself attack anyone who doesn't agree with you?
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